Where Coolness dwells.


ok, here we go. Some CT material popping up.

--------FILE G--------


After Joe was restrained and the tongs removed from Steven's head, Joe went for a walk to cool off. He told everyone he was headed towards the Main Hall. After everything calms down, RYO gathers everyone in the Meeting Room. He has displayed his map on the bulletin board and is going over their next moves with his pointer stick.

RYO: "Again, as you can see here, the maps are color coded for your convenience.~Points~ The Red shaded area is where we are now. The Blue areas are rooms we already visited. So this makes it much easier to see where we need to go. Even the doors are colored to show which key opens it."

FLIP: "That's racist."

RYO: "Shutup."

SPIKE: ~passing gas~ "Ah, that's the ticket."

STEVEN: "Oh,good lord! What goes on inside you to make something smell so vile?!" sick

SPIKE: "Tis better to fart...and be in shame. Then to hold it in and be in pain." shame_on_you

JOSH: "Well now I'M in pain! I can't breathe!" cry

RYO: ~roughly tapping his pointer stick~ "QUIET!!! Can't you see the sign?! 'Please keep quiet while meetings are in session!' This is a KEEP QUIET!!!" angry

AMBER: "At least these maps are a lot better than the crappy maps we had in the mansion."

RYO: "Yes, as we go along each adventure, the maps will get better and easier to use. Anyway, I will take my team upstairs, to use the gems and check out the room in the East Wing-here, while the other team will scope out any remaining areas here on the West side."

PHYLLIS: "Ok, who is going where?"

RYO: "Well, the 2 idiots are going with YOU! I'm not dealing with that nonsense again. I'll take Kenneth, Amber, Mark, Thorin and Rob."

PHYLLIS: "Guess that leaves me with Joe, Sara, Tim, Spike, Flip, Luke and the idiots."

RYO: "You got it. Let's get ready to move,people. We still have lots to do."

JOSH: "Well,looks like you're with us. Ready to go, Tim Tim?" happy

TIM: "Please don't call me Tim Tim, Josh.... or I may be forced to kill you." plain

Phyllis walks around and gathers the corresponding people. When she looks for Thorin, she finds him hiding in the other room, in the back, reading another one of his magazines.

THORIN: "Yo ho, Yo ho! A Porno life for me!" mischief

PHYLIIS: "Thorin! What the hell are you looking at now?"

As Phyllis looks at the cover, she sees an animated Pirate wearing a black hat with skull&crossbones, standing with his left hand on his hip and his right hook hand raised in the air. He has a big grin on his face and an eyepatch covering his left eye. There is a blonde, on her knees; the back of her head facing the camera, kneeling in front of the pirate, with her hands on his hips. There is a green parrot on his left shoulder, with an exaggerated beak open and his tongue hanging out, exclaiming the title of the mag: ~Squawk~ 'THAR SHE BLOWS!!!' ~whistle~

PHYLLIS: "Give me that! frustrated That's enough of this crap. No more magazines for you!"

THORIN: "But Phyllis.....Oh come on! Don't take away the fun!" sad

Phyllis grabs his stack of mags, throws them in the garbage and then pulls Thorin by the ear. While she isn't looking,Rob sneaks in and claims the pirate porn for himself, tucking it away in his shirt. Now that everyone was getting ready to leave, all she had to do was find Joe and tell him to come back.


Joe was walking around the Main Hall trying to calm down. The audacity of someone actually trying to insult Claire. Why, they should be fed to the zombies themselves! As the minutes go by, he forgets about the incident and decides to browse around the computer. He signs on to AOL 3.0 and skims through some pictures,chewing on his Foster's mint toothpick. He didn't notice the feminine figure slowly approaching behind him.

JOE: "Ah yea....Look at you,Smurfette. You're a naughty little smurf, ain'tcha? You're getting Smurfed!~clicks~ Ha! Looks like Daphney is getting a Scooby Snack of her own!"

The figure let out a breathy sigh and Joe swung around towards her, tightly gripping his machinegun. The figure wasn't attacking, just staring at him. Her hair hung over her face but it looked like she was ok. He put his gun away and tried to keep her calm.

JOE: "A survivor! er..uh....I was just looking up the forecast! ~clicks the computer off quickly~'s the weather?"

The woman didn't respond with words, just another deep breathing sigh. She tilted her head slightly to the side and her hair slowly moved, revealing some of her face. She stops 10 feet away from Joe, breathing that sigh again. Joe just stood there, confused by her actions.

JOE: "Miss? Are you alright? Is there something you need? I'm with STARS, I can help."

Suddenly, the woman opens her mouth and her tongue slowly extends across the room, lightly licking Joe's face. The toothpick drops from his lips as his mouth becomes agape, stunned beyond words. Being a guy, there was only one thing he could say in reaction to that.

JOE: shock "Marry me."

With the pheromones acting up again, the Licker lady was enamored. The tongue came out towards him again, this time touching him lower. Joe's brows went up and he bit his lip, looking quickly to his left and then his right, before focusing back on the lady with a sinister smile. Then he looks right at the camera and nods slowly with a sly grin.

Meanwhile RYO was leaving with his team, to head towards the East side of the RPD. They decided to head across the 1st floor, through the Main Hall and climb up from the other side.

RYO: "Ok, now the red gems have to go on each side of the central statue. These gems are called 'Virgin Hearts' and they get placed into the chest of the female statues."

AMBER: "Virgin Hearts? Sounds like you should be carrying them,Kenneth."

KENNETH: "Shut up, Amber."

RYO: "Enough. We need to be on our toes,people. Things are going to get hectic as we progress."

AMBER: "You always say that."

RYO: "It's true!

KENNETH: "How do you know that?"

RYO: "I'm psychic." /sarcasm

KENNETH: "I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met."

RYO: "Smart choice. Just stay close everyone."

AMBER: "Well, I know if I get into any trouble, you'll save me with that big blade of yours."

RYO: "Of course I will."

AMBER: "I really like it. It looks awesome! Can I touch it?"

RYO: "Sure Amber, help yourself."

AMBER: "'s really long.....and solid. I need both hands just to get a good grip on it."

RYO: "Yea. Just take it and hold it in the middle of your body. Let it rest between your legs. You can get a good stance that way."

AMBER: "Oooo,yea. That really feels good."

KENNETH: "Oh, would you two just f*** already!"

MARK: "Get a room!"

RYO: "Quiet, both of you! Now, get moving, but be careful walking through this hallway. There might be...."

Suddenly the window boards break and Zombie arms reach in and grab at the group, high and low. The ones that are grabbed and shaken back and forth, in a weird jerking movement and then let go.

MARK: "They're after the precious! Don't let them get it!"

AMBER: "Shut up! No one wants your stupid medal."

RYO: "Everyone ok?.......Thorin!"

ROB: "Dude,you really shouldn't..."

Everyone looks back and sees Thorin with his pants down to his knees. When a zombie hand reached in low to grab something, Thorin stuck his penis in the Zombie's hand and it was now jerking him off. Thorin had a s*** eating grin across his face and his hands behind his head. Amber hits the zombie arm and it disappears with a groan. They all shake their heads at Thorin as he pulls his pants back up.

THORIN: "No one lets me have any fun around here." not_talking

RYO: "This isn't the place to have fun, this is a dangerous adventure. A horror in which we must survive in! From now on, I want everybody acting normal."

Suddenly Phyllis walks by briskly, letting out a disgusted sigh as everyone watches her go. A minute later followed by Joe zipping his pants up, pleading to Phyllis.

JOE: "But Phyllis...they're called 'Lickers' that's what they're supposed to do!"

As if this was a normal occurrence, RYO continues on with the group, as if nothing unusual happened.

RYO: "Let's be off, shall we?"


RYO leads his team to the East side of the RPD, while the camera checks back in on Phyllis and the other team. We see them in the Safe Room by the stairs, with the Dark Room. Sara found a Crossbow and some Bolts and everyone else picks up some ammo. Phyllis decides,while she's here, to develop her film.

LUKE: "What are you doing?"

PHYLLIS: "Developing my roll of film and some of the other rolls we found.This way we can put our picture up on the wall. I still don't understand how the roll was done. I didn't take 24 pictures but the film rewound like it was finished. I remember taking about half the amount and should've still had around 12 more pictures to take."

After the film develops and Phyllis goes through the pictures, she discovers the reason why. She sees a few pictures of Zombies and experiments from the rolls they found, wondering why they took 1 picture for each roll of film. She keeps those in her inventory folder and then looks at her pictures. On her roll, there was a few pictures of Phyllis acting all sexy, with her hand behind her head, in a few different poses. A picture of Joe in the morning, with his hair standing up and his mouth open, yelling, as his hand reaches for the camera, trying to prevent the picture from being taken. A picture of a wide eyed Claire and Phyllis. A previously mentioned picture of the team. All of these made Phyllis smile and laugh. Then some oddities that made her smile go away.... a picture of a penis from above. A picture of a penis profile shot. A hairy ass. A picture of Flip sleeping with his hand in a pot of water and the front of his pants soiled. The laughter turned to anger!

PHYLLIS: "What the f*** is this s***!?!? THORINNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!" angry

LUKE: "Unusual set of pictures you have there. Are you sure it was him?"

PHYLLIS: "I know it was him! He's the type to snap pictures down his pants and pull pranks. He took my camera and ruined my film. I'm gonna kill him when I see him!"

The group gathers together and heads upstairs, to make a stop at the STARS office. As Phyllis goes to hang up the picture of the team, she jumps back startled, as a man pops up from behind the desk.

SETH: "31...." ~ducks back down and comes up again~

PHYLLIS: "What the F***?!"

SETH: "32...." ~ducks back down and comes up again~

PHYLLIS: "Seth! What the hell are you doing here?!"

JOE: "And what exactly are you doing?"

SETH: "Oh...hi guys!....33." ~ducks back down~ "34...Well, I heard there was a picture hidden here of Rebecca." ~ducks back down~ "And since Barry and I were in the neighborhood, I couldn't possibly pass up a chance to get a picture of that dear sweet another 15 times or so...and it'll be all mine! grin I'll be out of your way in a few minutes."

JOE: "Knock yourself out. Go ahead Phyllis, I'm gonna check out the radio."

Phyllis finally gets to hang up the picture of their group next to the others. Joe walks over to the radio and starts fiddling with the controls.

JOE: "Great...the radio's out! I can't get a signal."

PHYLLIS: "Didn't Leon mention that he already tried to call for help?"

JOE: "Help? I'm trying to get the damn Yankee game! They're having the best year ever and I'm missing the games!"

PHYLLIS: "Well, my Tribe will be taking care of them soon."

JOE: "Ha! No one is stopping this team from winning the World Series. Paul O'Neill is a f***** warrior!"

PHYLLIS: "Yea, we'll see."

The fax machine pings and a note for Chris comes through, mentioning Chief Irons taking bribes and being a generally bad man. This doesn't click any warning signs with them, so they chuck it on Chris' desk.

SETH: "Got it! Oooo Rebecca...I can't wait to see you in your goofy little basketball outfit."

As Seth runs off with the secret Film D, the group continues on down the hall and heads into another room. There are a few Lickers walking around in the room. Guns start blasting as Phyllis and Joe blast the first 2 in front of them. There's one down a small hallway, scuttling quickly towards them. Josh and Steven stand side by side, shooting at it, but Sara asks them to move so she can try out her new crossbow. They look at each other and oblige with a shrug. They each move apart so that Sara can shoot between them. She pulls the trigger and the bolt lands right on the Licker with a direct hit! The only that this crazy crossbow also simultaneously shot out 2 other bolts, diagonally on each side of the bow! Both Josh and Steven scream as a bolt sticks them in the ass.

JOSH: "AAAAAHHH! What the bloody hell?!"

STEVEN: "Owwww! Good lord, does that bugger sting like the dickens!"

FLIP: "CrossbOwned!"

SARA: "Whoops, sorry guys."

STEVEN: "What kind of idiot made that crossbow?"

JOSH: "'s a piece of junk!"

SARA: "It is not! It's a good weapon. I just have to get used to it."

JOSH: "You waste half the bloody bolts firing that thing."

SARA: "Well...I found it and I'm going to use it! So just stand clear!"

Josh and Steven move out of the way as Sara fires off more bolts, sticking half of them in the walls but finally killing the remaining licker. After painful retraction of the bolts, the boys need first aid.

JOSH: "Joe,Can you First Aid my bum?"

JOE: "No f***** way! Get your Brit buns the f*** outta my face!"

STEVEN: "Come now...we're all professionals. Spike, can you spray my arse?"

SPIKE: "Shouldn't you buy me dinner first?"

STEVEN: "This is no times for jokes,man!"

TIM: "Ha Ha!!! Seems pretty funny to me."

JOSH: "Oh yeah, you're hilarious. Someone help us! I can't reach around to hit the spot!"

PHYLLIS: "Oh, what a bunch of babies. Here, take the damn sprays! You can spray each other's ass."


While that goes on, RYO and the others are on the 2nd floor, finishing up the east section. They see the helicopter sticking into the building. As they pass it, they hear a girl scream. Although they want to help, RYO informs them that they cannot get to her, to help due to the wreckage. They enter a room,past the wreck and see the large male statue in the back of the room, with a female bust on each side of him. The Red G are placed in the female statues, on each side and the chest of the male statue opens, revealing a King's Plug. As they go to leave, a Licker jumps in through the skylight. Lots of screaming and gunfire ensues. By the time the battle is over. Everyone's pants are wet again.

RYO: "Damnit. Now we'll have to change clothes again."

THORIN: "Luckily it didn't happen to me. I really have to go though."

RYO: "Alright. We're going to head back to the Safe Room with the outfits. Join us after you do your business."

THORIN: "Thee will see me....after I pee." grin

When we switch back to the other group, they used a small key on a desk drawer and found Handgun Parts. Josh and Steven found some ammo in a closet,down the hall. They also found a broken door that won't open.

JOSH: "Ah! Another door we can't open.The doorknob just turns."

STEVEN: "It must be a secret stash behind there."

LUKE: "I think that door is useless."

STEVEN: ~laughs~ "Yea....useless. I'm sure there's a brick wall behind it." talk_hand

LUKE: "No, not a wall,just to the hallway we were in previously." frustrated

JOSH: ~laughs~ "Oh, it's a magic door now."

LUKE: "I'm telling you."

STEVEN: "Just leave this to the experts,ok?"

LUKE: "You guys really are idiots. You're never going to open that door."

JOSH: "Save it,Lex Luthor. My partner and I are handling this."

Luke grits his teeth and pulls out his strangle wire,as Josh and Steven study the door. He manages to calm himself down before he uses it and sticks it back in his coat. Completely unaware of what he was doing, Josh and Steven continue to scheme and plot to be the heroes, once they figure out this door puzzle. Luke simply shakes his head, dabs his face lightly with a cloth and walks back to the group. The next room they enter, is the Library. There's a staircase going up, a Red Herb and some book cases. After collecting the herb, everybody freezes....

PHYLLIS: "Oh crap. Zombies broke into the West wing hallway."

TIM: "How could you possibly know that?"

PHYLLIS: "I don't know,it was the weirdest thing! In my head, I suddenly got this clear image of Zombies breaking in there and crawling in through the windows."

JOSH: "What are they doing now?"

PHYLLIS: "I don't know...the image is gone now."

TIM: "You know...they say sex focuses the mind and helps one see things clearer. I can help out if you like."

PHYLLIS: "Uh...that's ok,Tim.It's not that important. Thanks for the offer."

TIM: "I'm always willing to go the extra mile for those in need of my services."

STEVEN: "We should've used the bloody cables to close the damn shutters!"

LUKE: "The point is moot now. Let's just concentrate on getting out of here."

PHYLLIS: "Ok, maybe there's a secret compartment somewhere or maybe a book is a lever to open something. Let's look around. I'll go down this way."

FLIP: "No! You guys are always hogging the glory! I'LL go that way!"

PHYLLIS: ~sighs~ "Fine...go ahead."

FLIP: "That's better. It's about time some of us got to....AAAAHHHH!!"

Wood cracks and Flip falls though the floor down to the 2nd level. Everyone peers down and notices that he fell into a secret room.

PHYLLIS: "Aha! I knew it! Good work,Flip."

FLIP: ~lying on his back~ "Ow!" tired

The group jumps down and looks around. There is a red switch that when pushed, opens an exit. There is also a bronze plate on the wall. Joe and Steven look at it carefully and notice it has the bookcases aligned a certain way. It also has a blue pawprint on it.

JOE: "Look! A Clue!"

STEVEN: "Better write it down in my handy dandy notebook!"

They both stop and look at each other with a peculiar face, as if that's a familiar thought somehow, but they shake their heads, quickly dismissing it.


Buttons are pushed, the bookcases move and they hear the bronze plate slide open. Behind it they find a Bishop's Plug.

SPIKE: "First card game keys and now chess pieces? You Americans are a silly bunch,I'll give you that."

PHYLLIS: "Anyone find anything interesting in the books?"

TIM: "I found a Kama Sutra book. I think I'll be checking that out with me." grin

PHYLLIS: "I meant anything useful?" raised_brow

TIM: "Have you seen this book?! I'd say it's pretty damn useful! Whattya say...wanna bit of a go? Maybe a bit of a Melvyn Bragg in the secret room?" wink

LUKE: "Nothing pertinent to our adventure,Phyllis."

PHYLLIS: "Thank you,Luke." ~sighs~

TIM: "What say you,Sara? Wanna go off and have some Posh? I've got quite a lolli."

SARA: "I'm not sure how to answer that....or if I should even bother to try."

JOE: "Well,I guess we should check out that door on the 3rd floor. See where it goes."

SARA: "I didn't even know this place had a 3rd floor."


After exiting the door, there was only one way to go, across to another door. They open it, load in and enter the clocktower. As soon as they enter the room, 3 guns click at them! A Yellow cop, a man dressed as a ninja and a hyped up man in a suit pointing a Beretta and cursing.

ALLAN: "Don move, you peece a chits.Who da F*** are you?!"

HOMER: "Yea! You tell'em ,Allan! Stupid Zombies think they're smarter than us!"

NINJA: "Wait, let me start my music before we shoot them."

SARA: "We're not zombies."

HOMER: "Don't give me that. Look at that guy, he has to be a zombie. He doesn't have any hair!"

LUKE: "Neither do you."

HOMER: ~high pitched scream~ "AAAHH! I'm a zombie!"

JOE: "No one's a zombie.Homer,it's us.The STARS group-Psycho Squad."

HOMER: "Ohhhhh yeaaaa. Now I remember. Joe...and Phyllis. It's ok guys. They're our friends."

ALLAN: "Psycho Squad. Das gooood mang. I like dat name. It has Balls!"

HOMER: "Yea, like us! We're tough RP officers. The last survivors of the city, left to protect this town!" cowboy

FLIP: "What are you guys doing up here?"

HOMER: "Hiding from the damn monsters! They took over the whole station. This was the only safe spot." worried

PHYLLIS: "How brave of you." rolling_eyes

ALLAN: "We couldn't even get upstairs. We need like a F***** Crank or some s*** like dat,mang."

JOE: "I like this guy."

SARA: "Oh, perhaps it's the crank we found earlier! Let's try it."

They use the Crank and it lowers a staircase. They check upstairs and see the gears of the clock, but there is a Gold Cogwheel missing. Everyone heads back down and leaves.

HOMER: "Have you guys seen my police car outside?" pics/HomersCar.jpg

PHYLLIS: "No, but it doesn't matter, we're trapped here. We need to find another way out. Irons and his idiotic puzzles aren't making it easy."

HOMER: "Ohhhhhhh....I LIKED that Police Car." sad

As they leave and head to the other door, a big black hand grabs the railing and pulls himself over, guarding the door and trapping the group. The T walks towards them, trapping them in a corner, with their backs against the wall.


MR.T: "ARRRRR! G-Virus!"


ALLAN: "Come on, you cocksucker!" ~BLAM BLAM!!!~

Bullets and bolts go flyin. MR T gets in a swooping punch that sends everyone back, but he soon falls, flat on his face, to the might of Psycho Squad! They see a sparkle on his body and find some Shotgun Shells.

JOE: "How the f*** is he still alive? Let's grab the ammo and get the f*** outta here before he gets up again."


After managing to get away, the group heads back towards the main hall. Sure enough, when they get to that hallway, it's now filled with Zombies. As they approach, the group gets ready to fire and Ninja plays his tape. 'Go Ninja, Go Ninja, GO! Go Ninja, Go Ninja, GO!!!'

JOE: "Wait a minute! ~shakes his head~ What the...turn that crap off!"

NINJA: "'s my theme song. I need fighting music to psyche me up in battle."

JOE: "Well,I'm not listening to Vanilla f***** Ice while I'm fighting monsters! That's not fighting music,it's s***!"

Ninja starts whistling and firing at the zombies, stopping to grab his right foot with his right hand and pull it back and forth, in the air, doing some moves. Then he goes back to shooting. The battle starts off well, until the music slowly dies. The rest of the group starts retreating.

LUKE: "Let's move, there's too many of them."

NINJA: "Uh oh....crap!"

As everyone runs away, Ninja turns around and crouches down to his player, taking out the batteries and trying to replace them with new ones. The zombies close in and start biting him, chomping Ninja up, as he screams. When he falls, the Zombies make a final kill and the words: 'You Are Dead' appear as blood sprays everywhere. pics/deadscreen.jpg
As they eat him, a zombified bunny comes rolling by pounding a drum and a small sign saying: "Should've used Energizer, the longest lasting battery. They keep going...and going...and going...." ~rolls off camera~

After safely making it back to the Main Hall, both teams meet up and rest,sitting around the hall, exchanging information. Allan walks around eating handfuls of Cocoa Puffs.

JOE: "Damn zombies....we gotta kill 'em all!"

SARA: "I'm a little worried we're going to run out of ammo soon."

JOE: "Bah!"

PHYLLIS: "How are you doing with ammo,Joe?"

JOE: "I'm not sure.This damn gun says 54%.What the f*** is that?! I need to know how many bullets I have."

PHYLLIS: "That's odd, it's normal on my Shotgun. Those shells we found, help for me."

RYO: "Ok, so we got 2 pieces, we still need a few more. "

PHYLLIS: "We found 3 survivors up in the 3rd floor. One's now dead."

FLIP: "Of course he is. Joe's the only one who even remembers that guy."

RYO: "Alright, we rest here for a few minutes, then back to work."

JOE: "Where's Thorin?"

AMBER: "Who knows. He said he had to use the bathroom....if he ever finds one."

LUKE: "Weren't you guys wearing different clothing earlier?"

RYO: "Er, of course not! Why would we have to change clothes?" whistling

HOMER: "What are you doing, Sara?"

SARA: "Oh, just checking some sites."

HOMER: "Oh, so they have internet on computers now!"

SPIKE: "Hello Homer, care for a beer?"

HOMER: "Hello. Thanks buddy. Mmmmm beer. There's 3 things I like, my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. So you from around here?"

SARA: "That's Spike,Homer.Can't you tell by his accent where he's from?"

SPIKE: "I'm from the STARS outfit in England."

HOMER: " So, you're from Massachusetts? Love the atmosphere, hate the sports teams."

SPIKE: "~laughs~ No...I'm from the UK,mate.My friends call me MisterSpike. My wife calls me 'The Love Machine' if you know what I mean. " tongue

JOE: "But isn't that Tim's nickname?"

SPIKE: "Eh...well yea, it is now that I think about it. I always wondered why my wife started calling me that in bed. Hmm .......might have to have a word with the young lad. Oh Timothy... ~cracks knuckles~ might I have a word?" beatup

STEVEN: "So...the trick is...the statues, right?"

JOSH: "What about them?"

STEVEN: "Well, that has to be how we get that door open! See, we move the statues, to the opposite that they face the walls. Then the floors sink in...Voila! Door opens."

JOSH: "That's genius,Steven!"

STEVEN: "Thank you Josh. Someone here has to figure these things out."

RYO: "Would you stop with that door! It's not opening! That statues won't open it! Nothing will!"

STEVEN: "Whatever you say, chief."

RYO: "Now I don't want to hear anything more about it,understand?"

JOSH: "Roger that." ~watching RYO walk away~

STEVEN: "He's just jealous. Wants to figure it out for himself."

JOSH: "Got that right.We should be leading these yanks."

ALLAN: "Hellllllo?"

PHYLLIS: "Uh, hello."

ALLAN: "Ohhh, how are you,baby? You wanna get some ice cream?"

PHYLLIS: "No thanks."

ALLAN: "Oh come on,pussycat. I got something you like. I show it to you later, ohk?"

PHYLLIS: "F*** off. You bother me again and I'll take this shotgun and shoot it up your ass."

ALLAN: "Ohhhhhh, she's good! She like a TIGER,mang! I like dat."

RYO: "Ok, listen up. We need a 'Heart Key' to give us access to the Basement. We also have to get that helicopter out of the way. I found some explosives for that. So we have to plan out our objectives. Let's get ready to move. Joe&Phyllis, get your team ready....and keep Mark away from the C-4."

TIM: ~walking over holding his stomach~ "Uhhhhhhh."

MARK: "What's wrong? Did Timsies eat something that hurts his belly?"

TIM: "No, you Billy Hunt! It's Spike...argh, My partner has gone Patrick Swayze! He mentions his trouble and strife and then gives me a shot in me jackdaw.Feel a bit Pat and Mick after all that."

JOE: "Does anyone have any idea what the f*** he just said?"

FLIP: "I'd say speak English, but that's supposedly what you're doing."

HOMER: "I'm with your team,Joe."

JOE: "You got it, Homer."

HOMER: "Soooo, you and Phyllis huh? I knew you guys would end up partners."

JOE: "Hehheh, yea it's pretty cool,it's a good pairing. Things are going well. We think along the same wavelength and we get along great."

PHYLLIS: ~walking by~ "Let's go,F***Face."

JOE: "In a minute,PsychoBitch!"

HOMER: confused

JOE: "Yep....we make a good team."

RYO: "Let's go,people."

As the groups head into new areas, new dangers await them.


Well, the Webpage is still Awesome, Amber is just a crab. 



Ok, even though you nitwits aren't even around, I'll post it today. Something to make you feel good for the weekend....and to make Bond come in from the woods. pics/JoeintheG-Spot.jpg

----------FILE H----------

'No Deposit No Return'

A loud sound fills the air.~BAM!~ We see a close up of Phyllis' shocked face shock then it cuts back to the camera in the Main Hall. ~BAM!~ The loud sound is heard echoing through the halls of the RPD. ~BAM!~ The camera moves through the main hall 2nd Floor, going over the railing down towards the 1st Floor.We see another close up of her face, in obvious pain and discomfort ~BAM!~ The camera now heads towards the East door. We see the view cut to a close up of Phyllis, gritting her teeth angrily, engaged in battle, as she gives off another shot towards her opposition. ~BAM!~ What hideous fiend has confronted her? The camera continues moving down the East side hallway, until we see the target of Phyllis' assault and the cause of her vicious glare.

PHYLLIS: "Come on you Son of a.....Give me my damn Cherry Coke!!!"

Phyllis punches the soda machine again with a loud ~BAM!!!~ and clicks the button furiously, awaiting some kind of result, but not getting any. She tries the Cherry Coke button, the coin return,punching the heart of the machine....all to no avail. Her anger keeps building the longer she waits. The curses are frequent and getting louder by the second. The noise brings Josh towards her location.

JOSH: "What's with all the racket? I thought you were being attacked!"

PHYLLIS: "It's this F****** machine! I got in the mood for something to drink, so I put some change in and nothing came out. When I tried to press the buttons, all it kept saying is 'Nothing is wrong.' Nothing's wrong my ass! Where's my Cherry Coke, you dumb piece of s***?!" frustrated ~BAM!~

JOSH: "Why don't you just try and put some money in again?"

PHYLLIS: "Oh no! I'm not getting ripped off! I paid my this F****** machine owes me A DAMN POP and I WANT IT NOW!!!!!" angry ~BAM BAM BAM!!!~

Phyllis grabs the machine with both hands and begins to shake it furiously, banging the back of the machine against the wall,chipping some paint off the wall. When nothing happens, she screams at the machine, at the top of her lungs and gives it her signature move-a good swift final kick and then storms down the hall, cursing as she goes. Josh just shakes his head,watching her go back to the Main Hall as he leans against the wall, filing his nails. Just then Kenneth comes walking by, from the other direction. As he passes, the soda machine makes a whirring sound and a Cherry Coke clunks down from the machine.

KENNETH: "My lucky day...a free soda! I win!"

JOSH: "Uhhh, wait a tic, you...."

KENNETH: "Forget it! Back off,'s mine! "

JOSH: "I was just trying to tell you..."

KENNETH: "Yea, I know what you're trying to tell me. You're English, which in American terms means you're a swinging cowboy. And I don't mean the manly John Wayne type. I'm talking the flakey Village People version. So you keep filing your nails there, Joshephine and I'll go and enjoy my refreshingly free beverage."

Kenneth smiles and pops open the can, ready to gulp it as he does. A geyser of fizzy foam instantaneously erupts from the can, exploding all over Kenneth. After the soda drips down from his shocked face, Josh leans over with a smirk and finally finishes his sentence.

JOSH: "I was gonna tell you, that you might not want to open that, because Phyllis went loco with the machine and it might be a bit ....temperamental."

KENNETH: "You smelly British bastard! I'll kill you!"

Kenneth starts choking Josh who then starts choking Kenneth. Steven comes along and breaks it up.

STEVEN: "Come now! What's all this? Behave you two! Stop this at once!"

KENNETH: "Yea well, he..."

STEVEN: "Forget about all that,we don't have time. For goodness sake, clean yourself up,man! We're going to be moving out soon. one chokes Josh but me."

The 3 head back to meet up with RYO's group. Meanwhile Phyllis is still worked up over her lack of soda. She meets up with Joe, who has decided that they can't leave any monsters alive, so he was on his way to eradicate the zombies in the West Wing hallway. Seeing an opportunity to blow off some steam, she decides to join him. She notices his body shake a bit,but when asked if he was all right, he replied that he was fine. RYO gets his team together, comprised of Mark, Amber, Kenneth,Josh,Steven,Sara and Homer,and heads to the East 2nd Floor. When they get to the damaged wall with the Helicopter wreckage, they hear a girl scream.

STEVEN: "A girl in trouble!"

JOSH: "We have to do something!"

HOMER: "Run!"

RYO: "Homer! No! Listen you idiots. We can't do anything for her. We have to blow this wall."

STEVEN: "I think we should get to know the wall better first."

RYO: "I meant with the C-4. We have no choice. We have to place it against the wall and explode it so that we can have access to the hallway behind the wreckage."

RYO tries to place the bomb down but everytime he does, he just gets the message that the wreckage is blocking the way and that he has no choice but to blow the wall.

RYO: "What? I know I have no choice....that's what I'm trying to do!" plain

He tries placing it again, but the message keeps popping up over and over again.

KENNETH: "This is our toughest puzzle yet."

RYO: "It's not a damn puzzle! I don't understand why it isn't working."


As we check back in the West Hallway, we hear the sound of Machinegun fire and Shotgun blasts. The hallway has become a bloody mess of zombie bodies. Phyllis and Joe have emptied the hallway of all the new Zombies that broke in and are reloading their weapons.

JOE: "Feel better?"

PHYLLIS: "A little...Still wish I had my Coke though. I still feel anxious. I need to release more tension." ~wipes sweat from her face~

JOE: "Well, at least that was a good workout."

Joe goes to lick the sweat off the top of his lip but his tongue has elongated and he licks the sweat off his forehead instead. Phyllis' mouth opens slowly in disbelief.

PHYLLIS: "How did you do that?" shock

JOE: "Do what?"

PHYLLIS: "Open your mouth and stick out your tongue."

Joe seems puzzled but complies. His tongue rolls out of his mouth and the camera focuses on Phyllis' eyes as they follow the tongue and move downwards. Phyllis slowly looks back up at Joe, raises a brow and smiles sinisterly.

PHYLLIS: "Inside....Now!"

JOE: "What? Inside where? Why?" confused

PHYLLIS: "No time for questions...just move!!!"

Before Joe can react, he is shoved into the File room and pushed down on the floor.

PHYLLIS: "Down boy....down!"

A little while later, Flip, Rob and Luke come looking for them.

FLIP: "This is ridiculous, where are they? There are a lot of shells and blood around."

ROB: "The clean up crew must have removed all the zombie bodies."

FLIP: "If there's a clean up crew, how come they leave the dead bodies you didn't kill,around? Wait a minute! Maybe the zombies got Phyllis and Joe and the clean up crew removed them as well!" sad

ROB: "If Zombies got them, there'd still be Zombies in the room,genius."

LUKE: "Calm down,Flip. We'll find them."

FLIP: "If everybody keeps running off separately, we'll never get out of here."

LUKE: "Those 2 seem perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. I'm sure nothing out of the ordinary is happening to them."

Suddenly Phyllis loads into the hallway from the File room, buttoning her pants closed. She lets out a huge tension free sigh and rests against the door with a big smile on her face. Then, she turns towards the main hall snapping her fingers and singing as she struts down the hallway.

PHYLLIS: "All I wanna have some fun!..~snap~...I got a feelin......"

As they watch Phyllis leave, Joe slowly loads in. His hair is tussled and he seems to be rubbing his jaw and opening and closing his mouth,as his tongue dangles out. He doesn't say a word but just heads back to the main hall as well, still rubbing his tired jaw which seems to have had a workout of its own. tired

ROB: "Yup, nothing out of the ordinary here. Business as usual."

FLIP: "What just happened here?"

LUKE: "I'mmmmmmm not sure I want to know the answer to that."


A long time later, RYO has become angered, cursing profusely, angrily checking his notes. No matter how many times he tries, the C-4 just won't set. Claire comes along and asks what they are doing. RYO explains the situation and Claire offers to give it a try. Claire keeps moving to the right until the camera angle changes and it finally shows a cut scene of the wall exploding and revealing a hallway behind it.

RYO: "It's about damn time! Stupid camera!" frustrated

AMBER: "Go Claire!"

JOSH: "There's a hole where the wreckage was."

STEVEN: "They set off a bloody charge, of course there's going to be a hole,you twit!"

JOSH: "Well how's about I put a hole in your head?"

RYO: "Quiet! Let's go. This part is important. Follow my lead."

Josh and Steven make faces as they mimic what RYO said,behind his back. They enter a room at the end of the hall and see a desk. On top of it is the body of a young woman with a bloody wound in her side. As they approach it, a weird music note chimes in and the chair behind the desk spins around. A man in a shirt with a Police ID points his gun at the group.

IRONS: "Oh, I'm terribly sorry...I thought you were another one of those Zombies."

KENNETH: "Right...because Zombies often use bombs to access blocked off areas." rolling_eyes

CLAIRE: "Are you Chief Irons?"

RYO: "Yes,that's him."

IRONS: ~points the gun at RYO~ "You'd best be quiet. I'll do the talking here. Yes, that's me. And just who are don't bother telling me. It makes no difference, you'll end up just like all the others."

AMBER: "You know who we are. We're from STARS."

IRONS: "Shut-tup! Don't ruin my lines!"

Irons can see the group looking at the body on his desk.

IRONS: "That's the Mayor's daughter. I was told to look after her,but I failed...miserably. Just look at her... she was a true beauty, her skin nothing short of perfection."

Irons pauses for a second.

KENNETH: "She sure is. Are you sure she's dead? Maybe I ought to check her and see." ~reaches for her boobs~

IRONS: "Yes, you fool! Quite sure! Now let me speak! Where was I? Oh yes,now I remember....
But,it will soon putrefy and she will turn into a Zombie within the hour like all the others!"

HOMER: "Bummer."

IRONS: "What do you mean,bummer? You're supposed to ask me how to stop it!"

HOMER: "Ohhhh yeaaaa. ~reading~ There.... must.. be... some way... to ...stop...... it!"

IRONS: ~sighs angrily~ "In a manner of speaking there is, either by putting a bullet through her brain... or by decapitating her completely."

AMBER: "That sounds easy enough."

HOMER: "Got any donuts?"

The camera pans to reveal Irons' collection of stuffed animal carcasses beside his chair.

IRONS: "No....And to think that taxidermy used to be my hobby...But no longer! ..."

HOMER: "Ohhhhhhhh, I want a donut. sad I thought all policemen have donuts."

IRONS: "I don't HAVE any damn Donuts!! Now Be Quiet and let me finish!!!!"

CLAIRE: "Uh, maybe I should do the talking."

RYO: "Take it easy,Brian."

IRONS: "Brian?! That's Chief Irons to you!!! Who the hell do you think you are?"

MARK: "Well, I'm Marksie, that's Sara, he's Homer..."

IRONS: "I don't CARE!!! I've been waiting for hours to read these damn lines and now you're screwing it all up!!! What the hell were you people DOING all this time?! How are you incompetent fools not all dead?!"

RYO: "Well,guess he's a real stuffed shirt, eh Amber? Haha...get it? Stuffed cuz of the Taxidermy and..."

AMBER: "Yea, RYO....hilarious."

JOSH: "Get a load of that Deer on the opposite wall."

STEVEN: ~laughs~ "You really don't know anything,do you? That's an Elk."

JOSH: "F*** off, that's a Deer! Look at the antlers! I know my animals."

STEVEN: "Apparently not! Even kids are smarter than you. Will you tell him that's an Elk?"

IRONS: "That's not part of my dialogue!"

STEVEN: "See, he knows you're wrong and just doesn't want to embarrass you by saying it's an Elk."

JOSH: "No, he knows that's a Deer, he just doesn't wanna make you look stupider than you already are!"

IRONS: "It's a Moose head, you morons! Now shut the hell up!!!"

MARK: "Nice piggy. Pet the piggy." ~petting the mounted head~

IRONS: "Get away from there!! Stop touching my things! You people are worse than the Zombies! No wonder Umbrella wants you I've read."

HOMER: "Do you have any donuts in your desk?"

IRONS: "If you ask me for donuts one more time, I'm going to blow your F***** BRAINS OUT!" PICS/chiefirons.jpg

SARA: "Sounds like someone needs De-caf."

The chief sighs and grabs his forehead hard, on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

IRONS: "Please, I'd really like to be alone now."

AMBER: "OK, but what about..."

IRONS: "Please, I'd really like to be alone now."

RYO: "If I could just get your notes....."

IRONS: "Please, I'd really like to be alone now."

RYO: "Forget it, I've seen this before in the Mansion. That's all he's gonna say now. Let's go everyone."

The group heads out another door in the room and it loads into a hallway with a stuffed tiger. As they head into the next area, they hear footsteps. They see some suits or armor around and a dark room in the back. When the light is turned on, they see a young girl hiding in the back of the room. She gets spooked and tries to run but Claire grabs her arm and stops her.

CLAIRE: "Wait!"

SHERRY: "Let me go!"

CLAIRE: "Easy, EASY there... I'm not a Zohmbie! Your safe now."

KENNETH: "Yea, because Zombies always just grab you and say 'wait' instead of attacking you. What a dumb little girl you are."

Sherry hugs Claire and starts crying.

CLAIRE: "Don't listen to him. My names Claire, what's yours?"

SHERRY: "Sherry." ~standing with arms behind her back and sporting a locket around her neck~

CLAIRE: "Do you know where your parents are?"

SHERRY: "They both work at the Umbrella Chemical Plant, near the City limits."

RYO: "Yes yes...we know all this. Your parents are..."

SARA: "Shhhhh!!!! No spoilers!!" shhh

AMBER: "Yea RYO...not all of us have files and notes you know."

CLAIRE: "The chemical plant? Then what are you doing here?"

SHERRY: "My mom called and told me to go to the Police Station because it was too dangerous to stay at home."

CLAIRE: "By the look of things I'd say she was probably right, but its dangerous here as well. You're better off coming with me."

SHERRY: "But there's something out there...I don't know what it is, but I saw it! Much larger than any of those Zombies and its coming after me!"

A terrifying yell from an unknown monster can be heard from far away.

HOMER: "What was that?"

SHERRY: "That's what I was telling you about, its here!"

CLAIRE: "Sherry, wait!"

HOMER: "The kid has the right idea,let's run!"

Sherry runs off faster than the group can stop her.They run back to Irons' room,but he is gone. They find Irons' Diary on the desk, a First Aid Spray and a Heart Key.

STEVEN: "What's with all the guys writing diaries here in Raccoon City?"

JOSH: "Makes it sound more like we're in RuPaul City."

STEVEN: "Haha,quite right. He could be Sir Elton Irons."

JOSH: "Haha..yea, and our cop friend could be Matt Lucas Kennedy." pics/mattlucaskennedy.jpg

RYO: "Pipe down,you too.We still have lots of work to do. We'll have to find some pieces to put into the slots to access the elevator in the back."

AMBER: "What elevator? What slots?"

RYO hits a button and the painting on the back wall moves revealing 3 slots for animal stones to go into.

KENNETH: "F****** know it all."

CLAIRE: "I'm going to look for Sherry."

RYO: "Right now we have to head to the basement now that we have this key."


As we check with the other group, we see Joe, Flip,Luke, Spike,Tim, Allan, Rob and Phyllis in the 1st Floor East hallway.Luke has tried using one of the pay phones to call for help.

LUKE: "This is asinine. Everytime I try to use one of the phones, it keeps telling me 'Nothing to care about.' I care to make a damn call,you stupid phone!"

They all head through the office and outside towards the steps. As they go to head upstairs, Flip feels something dripping on his head.

FLIP: "Get back everyone!"

PHYLLIS: "What is it?"

FLIP: "I think it's acid rain. It's all discolored. Maybe the T Virus is airborne and polluted the clouds!"

TIM: "That's not rain."

Tim points up and a confused Flip looks up to what he's pointing at. Thorin is on the upper floor urinating over the railing.

THORIN: "Aaaaaaa, that's better!" mischief

FLIP: "Thorin! You son of a...!" ~runs up after him as the others try and stop him~

THORIN: "I couldn't find a bathroom."

FLIP: "So that means you pee on me?!"

TIM: "Well, you are a bit of a offense."

FLIP: "How could I not be offended by that?"

ALLAN: "Ju f***** up,mang."

PHYLLIS: "Guys...listen. What's that noise?"

SPIKE: "Is that thunder?"

LUKE: "It sounds like a lot of commotion."

JOE: "It sounds like Oprah Winfrey going for a jog."

PHYLLIS: "Don't be ridiculous, that can't be."

JOE: "You're right...Oprah jogging? Never happen."

LUKE: "Look, over there!" ~points in the distance~

As everyone looks, they can see numerous animals running through the streets in the distance. A few flamingos fly by.

ALLAN: "Ohhhh, look a dat...look a dat Pelican, Flyyyy Pelican!!!"

JOE: "They must have broken out of the zoo. Let's get back inside."

Heading back in, they meet up with the others in the main hall. Josh and Steven were checking out the chest in the Safe Room upstairs before joining them. Now that the Heart Key has been found, they were preparing to head to the basement. Just as they plan to go however, an unexpected event happens. Lickers come leaping in out of nowhere,breaking through glass and start attacking the group.

HOMER: ~high pitched wail~ "AAAAAHHH!!!!!"

RYO: "What the?!"

JOE: "How the f*** did they get here?!"

SPIKE: "Cripes! Who cares? Shoot the bastards!"

Gunshots get fired and the room is in complete chaos. Spike gets cut in the arm and goes down. Phyllis looks around for one to shoot at. As she turns around, a tongue comes right at her, barely missing her face. She screams and freaks out, covering her face.

PHYLLIS: "AAHH! My nose! It almost hit my nose! Anything but my nose!!!" worried

She quickly grabs Kenneth and pulls him in front of her. Kenneth smiles as he turns around.

KENNETH: "Don't worry Phyllis....I'll protec...AAHHHH!!!"

Kenneth gets slashed by a Licker that was trying to hit Phyllis. With Kenneth out of commission, Phyllis grabs onto Joe, who loses his balance and falls towards the front door.

RYO: "Hold on a damn minute! This can't be happening. They are not supposed to be allowed in here! I don't recall Lickers ever appearing on this level in the Main Hall!" frustrated

RYO goes to check his notes when 2 Lickers appear to his left and 1 to his right. He looks to his left and sees the 2 Lickers open their mouths and lash their tongues towards him. Techno music starts to play and RYO uses his skills, leaning backwards as the tongues move in slow motion above him, slicing through the air with rippling effects as they do. As he rights himself, the one to his right sends its tongue towards him. He dodges the tongue easily....but it hits his case. The case spins upwards and with its lock broken, opens in mid air. RYO looks on in horror and screams in a low slo mo voice.


The case loses its contents as papers slowly fly everywhere, scattering all over the Main Hall. Suddenly everything stops as RYO frantically crouches to the floor gathering as many papers as quickly as he can. He looks down and starts to panic, hoping to find them all and get them back in chronological order. The Lickers look at each other and start hissing, almost like they were laughing! The hissing echoed in the Hall as slow eerie music starts to play.

RYO's eyes suddenly look up even though his face was still looking down. A nasty, ANGRY scowl appears as he looks directly at the Lickers and stands up slowly, pointing at them.

RYO: "YOU.....ruined my Timeline!!! Do you have ANY idea how long that took me to complete?!?"

Suddenly the laughing stops and the Lickers slowly take 2 steps back with a clakety click sound.

RYO: "All the Files I've acquired over time.....all the Notes and Journals and Diaries, carefully placed in a proper folder, labeled, in order!!! Now completely F***** up ,THANKS TO YOU!!!!!" angry

The Lickers are now slowly, nervously backing away.

RYO: " it's time to pay the price,bitches!!!!!"

The music changes to a hard metal sound as RYO pulls out his blade and starts chopping away at them in a frenzied maniacal state! They try and defend themselves but he is moving much too fast for them. The 2 attack but he grabs both their tongues and ties them in a knot. He begins swinging his blade wildly, slicing them up into pieces, sending blood and guts everywhere. The one to his right tries to stab him with its tongue but RYO sidesteps it and grabs the tongue with both hands. He begins to swing the tongue furiously, spinning the Licker around and around until he lets go and it goes crashing through a window and gets impaled on the metal gate outside.

Just then, 2 Japanese men from Capcom come running in with censor bars, trying to cover up the excessive gore that RYO is creating. This angers RYO even more and he starts slicing up the men into sushi, creating even more of a gory mess. He kicks one of the heads like a soccer ball and it bashes into the computer causing a small explosion and sparks. He picks up the second head by the hair and screams triumphantly, flinging the head into the air,making it disappear. At the same time,Josh and Steven came back into the hall to see what was going on. Seeing a head appear out of nowhere,come flying over the railing at them, causes them to scream like crazy. Steven catches the head and screams even more, flinging it at Josh. Josh catches it and watches Steven point his gun at it, to shoot it. Josh screams and flings it into the air again and they both start shooting at it. As the head comes down between them, Steven and Josh both continue firing and end up shooting each other. RYO is gritting his teeth and breathing heavily as everyone tries to recover.

JOE: "Spike! You ok?"

SPIKE: "Yea Joe, I'm Tickity-Boo, thanks."

Spike holds his shoulder as he gets up and looks to his side, towards his arm.

SPIKE: "Oh no...No...NO!!!!"

TIM: "What is it,mate? Is it serious?"

SPIKE: "You're damn right it's serious! They got the beer. Those bloody bastards broke the rest of the beer! It's gone!!!" ~points to the broken bottles~

HOMER: "No more beer?! Homer no function beer well without."

MARK: "We need to get out of here!"

RYO: "The only thing everyone is doing is getting down on your knees and picking every single damn piece of paper up until my collection is back the way it was!!"

KENNETH: "I shouldn't have to...I'm injured....thanks to Marcia Brady over there."

FLIP: "You don't mean me too, right RYO? I need to change.... stupid Thorin p....


Nervous groans are heard around the Hall but everyone looks for pages and gives them to RYO. Steven and Josh come running over after loading down the ladder.

JOSH: "Heads!!! They got flying f****** heads here!"

STEVEN: "It's true! I saw them myself. Horrible flying zombie heads."

JOSH: "It's like a real live Castlevania in this place!"

STEVEN: "We need to get the hell out of here."

JOSH: "Or get a Belmont whip."

HOMER: "See? Leaving isn't so bad. That's what I said! Even the guy from Massachusetts agrees with me!"

RYO: "AFTER we rearrange my Timeline."

STEVEN: "What? We almost got killed by a flying Chinese head and all you can think about is your bloody papers?! Plus I've been shot!"

JOSH: "It was a Japanese head. And I've been shot too!"

STEVEN: "I know what it was, ya twit. It was a china man."

JOSH: "I has the blasted head in my hands,you dopey bastard, I'm telling you, it was a man from Japan."

RYO: "Who gives a S*** what it was, STFU,move your asses and get my Files!!!!"

Joining the rest, the 2 quickly gather papers. It is a long arduous task. Once the last ones are collected and put back in order, RYO smiles and taps his folders together.

RYO: "Ok then. Now that that's settled, let's tackle that basement." happy

LUKE: "How does this guy even believe that he's normal?"


After replenishing health with herbs, the whole group heads back through the first floor office and uses the Heart Key. Inside, the group heads into another hallway with open shutters. Zombies approach them but are quickly taken care of. Steven suggests using the Cord here to close the shutters so that they don't have to deal with what happened in the RPD. The Cord is attached and the shutters close down over the windows. They find a door but it's locked with a Club symbol on it, so they head downstairs to the Basement. A hallway leads to a split-left or right.

LUKE: "Which way shall we go?"

KENNETH: "Well, I think we should...."

AMBER: "Who gives a f*** what you think!"


RYO, Joe, Mark, Amber, Rob, Josh, Steven and Allan go right,while Phyllis,Flip,Sara,Thorin,Luke,Spike,Tim and Homer go left.
RYO's team passes a room and enters. It has some green Herbs, a generator and a Police B1 Map. RYO takes the map, Kenneth takes the Herbs and Amber checks out the Generator.

RYO: "Ok, this is a puzzle in order to get the generator full of power. I guess you can call it a 'powerfull puzzle.' HaHa. Get it...cuz it's full of power...and the....~waves hand~ ok,anyway. You have to think carefully. Figuring out which ones out of the 5 to raise and which to lower so that it ends up at 100% at the end. This can be tricky, so give it lots of thought, Amber."

Amber simply pushes the levers Up,Down,Up,Down,Up without even concentrating. A beep is heard as the power is set perfectly.

AMBER: "Wow....that was tricky."

RYO: "Uh...very good. You didn't really pay attention much and concentrate like you were supposed to, but I guess that worked."

AMBER: "It was a good speech though."

RYO: "Come on....let's hurry it up. We've already lost a lot of time."

Heading down the hall, they find the armory, but a Red Key Card is needed. They continue on and open another door which leads them to the garage. They run in with their weapons and suddenly stop in their tracks as a bullet fires and hits the ground. Some piano notes clues them to a cutscene.

ADA: "Sorry, but when I saw the uniform I thought you were more Zombies."

KENNETH: "Right. Because Zombies run around... and carry weapons too. plain Is everyone retarded in this town?"

JOSH: "You crazy bitch, you almost shot us. I've already been shot a few times tonight, I don't feel like getting it again."

STEVEN: "Yea,maybe we think you're a Zombie. Suppose we should put a bullet in her arse! Even though it's a pretty nice arse."

RYO: "Calm down,everyone.Not like she's a good shot anyway,considering the distance and she shot the floor."

MARK: "Who are you?"

ADA: "Ada, Ada Wong."

Joe looks away and starts snickering.

LUKE: "And what are you doing here?"

ADA: "Iím looking for a guy named Ben. Heís one of those reporter types, always looking for a scoop. I heard he was locked up in the cell block, only thereís a wrecked car barring the entrance. Iíve been trying to find another way inside. If we work together we can move this thing. Will you give me a hand?"

RYO starts clapping and then chuckles at himself, waving a hand at Ada.

RYO: "I'm just kidding. See, I pretended that I thought you meant a hand as in applause, so that's why I started clapping. See, that's old school humor,which is funny and.....~notices Ada's droll face~ ...of course we will."

The guys get behind the Swat truck and push, moving it off to the side, revealing a door. They quick search the area, collecting a Blue Herb, and then prepare to open the new door.

JOE: "Uh, before we go, what did you say your name was again?"

ADA: "Ada Wong."

Joe looks away and starts snickering even louder as she turns and walks away from Joe, rolling her eyes. Joe looks around at his teammates to see them staring at him.

JOE: "Oh come ON! I can't be the only one to see the obvious oral sex implications here."


Meanwhile, on the other side of the building, the group has taken care of some zombie dogs and found some herbs. The path leads to a Manhole cover and a ladder going down.

TIM: "I'm not comfortable going into something called a 'Man Hole'. Why couldn't you guys call it something else?"

THORIN: "Buttsecks Below!"

The path leads them to a Sewage Disposal area and a Safe room. Phyllis saves and....

FLIP: "Wait a minute....why does Phyllis get to save?"

PHYLLIS: "What? Because I'm leading the group at this particular moment."

FLIP: "Well, I don't think that's very fair. Why can't I save? I know how to type."

HOMER: "Yea! I wanna save too!

PHYLLIS: "Because that's what is written."

HOMER: "Well,I say HOMER SAVES! Now let's see...I hit this key here and....

Do you want to save?

HOMER: "Yes! Save."

Choose a File.

HOMER: "Heh...move over Ryo, there's a new saver in town!"

Are you sure you want to overwrite file?

HOMER: "Yes! Enough with the questions already! save Save SAVE!!!!" ~clickclickclick~
"Is this card in right?" ~jiggles around~

SARA: "No! Homer, you're not supposed to remove the memory during the save!"

Data Error-you removed card while saving-file erased.

HOMER: "Doh! Stupid typewriters!" doh!

PHYLLIS: "Get out of the way you buffoon!"

FLIP: "Yea,move it Homer! Now Flip shall..."

PHYLLIS: "Flip shall Shut the f*** up and do nothing! This all started because you interrupted an insignificant part of the story and forced all this unnecessary dialogue here. Let's get back to how it was."

Phyllis saves and everyone leaves. To their left, they see Claire talking to Sherry.

CLAIRE: "Sherry! I've been looking everywhere for you, I was so worried....We've got to go now honey, okay? If we stay here that monster will find us. Let's go."


CLAIRE: "What's the matter? Don't you trust me?" ~crazy smile~

SHERRY: "Its not that Claire, its because of my daddy."

TIM: "Who's your Daddy?" tongue

PHYLLIS: "Tim..." raised_brow

Claire tells the group Sherry's story, she informs them that Sherry is scared but is also being difficult because of her determination to find her father. They need to convince her that staying with the group is a lot safer.

FLIP: "Ok, I'll handle this. Sherry...uh...would you like to play some hopscotch?"


SARA: "Hopscotch? You don't know what young girls want, Flip. How bout I play you a tune on my flute?"


LUKE: "Perhaps the girl needs something more hands on. Come here Sherry, I have something for you." ~pulls out his fiber wire strangulation cord~

SHERRY: "Aahh!"

CLAIRE: "Hey! What the hell?!"

LUKE: "Oh! I am so sorry. It was the wrong pocket! Look,I have string. You can play games. Cat's Cradle anyone?"

PHYLLIS: "Forget it,Luke, you had your chance."

SPIKE: "Hey Sherry, I have some rock hard candy in my pocket. Why don't you come over here and reach in and get some?" wink

PHYLLIS: "Spike!" shock

SPIKE: "What? No, I didn't mean....I really do have candy,see?" ~shows her the candy~

TIM: "Sherrrrrry." mischief

PHYLLIS: "Oh no you don't. Put it back in your pants,Mr Perv."

TIM: "What? angel I was just gonna ..."

PHYLLIS: "Yea I know what you were gonna,you twisted hornball."

HOMER: "Now Lisa,you need to listen to us. It's too dangerous to go alone."

SHERRY: "My name isn't Lisa."

HOMER: "You're not listening,Lisa!" shame_on_you

PHYLLIS: "Oh, for the love of...get out of the way! Clearly a woman's touch is needed here."

CLAIRE: "Right. Sherry I..."

PHYLLIS: "Step aside,Claire...I'll handle this. I have plenty of experience. I used to be a babysitter."

Phyllis walks over towards Sherry and smiles, leaning over and placing her hands on her knees.

PHYLLIS: happy "Now Sherry, we need you to come along with us,sweetie. It's for your own good."

SHERRY: "But my Daddy....He's over there, I heard him call my name..."

PHYLLIS: plain "I know Sherry, but there are a lot of monsters around. It's too dangerous to be by yourself."

SHERRY: "He must have been attacked by the monsters, I have to help him!"

PHYLLIS: frustrated "We will help him, but you need to stay with us. Now come over here right now!!"

SHERRY: "No! I won't!" not_talking



Sherry runs to a raised gap in the fencing at the end of the passage and crawls through before Claire can catch up with her.

CLAIRE: "Sherry, don't go alone! Sherry! Sherry!"

Claire looks back in frustrated shock at Phyllis. Everyone else joins in.

FLIP: "Who the hell did you babysit for....the Manson family?!"

HOMER: "Well,let's go."

CLAIRE: "No, we wait right here."

THORIN: "Yes, she's right. Somehow, instead of running around trying to find another way to help a panic stricken kid, we should wait right here in case she comes back with items we can't normally obtain ourselves!"

Sure enough, Thorin's prophetic words ring true. After a bit of time goes by, a voice is heard through the ventilation hole.

SHERRY: "C..Claire? A..A..Are you there?"

CLAIRE: "Sherry, are you okay? Did you find your dad?"

SHERRY: "Yes, I'm okay but I couldn't find him...but I did find something else for you, here."

Sherry throws the Precinct (Club) Key through the gap.

SHERRY: "And here's something else."

A pack of Acid Grenades comes flying through and hits Homer in the foot.

HOMER: "Owww, son of a...!!!"

CLAIRE: "Thanks, sweetie. I can use those. Now why don't you come over here, I want you to stay with me."

SHERRY: "Claire, I can't reach the ventilation hole any more, but don't worry, I'll find another way. Besides, I'm safer without those freaks. I can take care of myself." ~runs away~

CLAIRE: "Wait, Sherry come back! Sherry! Sherry!"

HOMER: "Yea, you BETTER run, you little...."

Claire elbows Homer who lets out an 'Oooff!' as Ryo calls Phyllis on the radio.

RYO: "Do you read me Phyllis? We now have access to the back of the parking lot."

PHYLLIS: "Got it."

FLIP: "I didn't even know we didn't have access to the back of the parking lot."

RYO: "Can you meet us here?"

PHYLLIS: "We're on our way."


Claire takes the grenades and runs off. After taking the key, the group heads back up the ladder and goes back to the Basement. As they get inside,Joe is waiting for them.

JOE: "Ryo said you guys were comin, so I figured I'd meet you.What did you guys find?"

LUKE: "Just a key. I think it's the one to unlock the last few doors in the RPD."

JOE: ""I think that opens this door too. We still need a cardkey to open the Armory."

They open the door to the morgue, find the Red KeyCard,fight some Zombies,then leave.

LUKE: "Funny how the zombies came alive only after we took the keycard."

JOE: "Well, we got the card to the Armory."

PHYLLIS: "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!" grin


Using the Red KeyCard unlocks the door and the group enters. Bullets start flying, as a few lickers attack. Once they are disposed off, the group starts grabbing goodies. Shotgun shells, Handgun Bullets, Bolts lie scattered around the room. Everyone grabs what they need. Joe and Phyllis open some lockers in the back and find a Side Pack and Sub-MachineGun. As Phyllis takes both out and goes to hand Joe the gun, she suddenly stops and slowly moves her hand back.

JOE: "What's the matter?"

PHYLLIS: "I don't know...almost like a voice in my head. My conscience?"

THORIN: "Let your conscience be your guide!"

JOE: "Shut yer trap,Jiminy Cricket. What is the voice saying?"

PHYLLIS: "It's telling me,that we should probably leave one of these items for Leon."

Joe and Phyllis nod at each other slowly, agreeing with the suggestion. That is.... until they both burst out laughing at the same time, with Phyllis putting on the Side Pack and flipping the MachineGun to Joe.

FLIP: "Hey,how come Joe gets the gun?"

JOE: "Because I'm MachineGun Man."

FLIP: "I want one."

JOE: "Fine, take my old one."

FLIP: "Thanks Joe, this is so cool. Finally, I have a great...Heyyyy! This only has 5% left! I need more!"

JOE: "Beggars can't be stop beggin."


RYO, Mark, Amber, Rob, Josh, Steven and Allan, make their way inside the hallway beyond the garage. They notice some kind of chute to their left, but it is inaccessible,so they ignore it. Allan,who is shoving handfuls of cocoa puffs in his mouth, Rob and Amber check out the door to the right,while the rest continue onto to the entrance to the jails. As they get close to the cells, they see sees a man lying down on a bed inside the first cell, and a funky weirdo dressed in purple, dancing around in the 2nd cell. Just then Leon and Ada walk in.

LEON: "Let me guess, you must be Ben right? Get up now!" ~starts hitting the bars to rouse him.~

MARK: "Oooo,Leon's a scary man."

BEN: "What do you want; Iím trying to sleep here!"

RYO: "Is this the reporter guy?"

ADA: "That's him."

KENNETH: "And who are you supposed to be?"

ZOOLANDER: "A ridiculously good looking professional model." pics/zoolander.jpg

ADA: "Ben, you told the city officials that you knew something about whatís going on. What did you tell them?"

BEN: "And who the heck are you?"

ADA: "Iím trying to find my boyfriend, his nameís John. He was working for a branch office of Umbrella based in Chicago but he suddenly disappeared six months ago. I heard rumors he was here in the city."

BEN: "I donít know anything and even if I did why would want to tell you?"

Ben turns around to go back to his bed.

LEON: "Okay, I say we leave him in here. Anyone know where they put the key to this cell?"

BEN: "I have it right here officer. But Iím not about to leave this cell. Those Zombies arenít the only things crawling around out there."

A terrifying Yell from an unknown monster can be heard from far away.

LEON: "What was that?"

BEN: Like I said, Iím not leaving this Cell. Thereís a kennel in the back of the building. Inside the kennel is a manhole. Go through and it will lead you to the sewer entrance, but it wonít be easy."

ZOOLANDER: "You think that you're too cool for school, but I have a newsflash for you Walter Cronkite... you aren't."

BEN: "Shut up, you flake!"

Ada runs off, with Leon following right behind her.

LEON: ""Ada Wait!"

RYO: "Ok,let's move. We have lots to explore and not a lot of time."

ZOOLANDER: "For serious. If we don't get out of here soon, they'll be reading *our* eugoogaly!"


Ryo and the group head towards the sewer entrance and meet up with the other half of Psycho Squad. After filling each other in with info, it is decided that they should head back to the RPD, to finish off the rooms they haven't accessed yet,with the newly acquired Club Key. They head back upstairs,through the office and make a right down the hallway,past the dented and abused soda machine. As they keep going, they see a door to their left and a pile of wet boxes in the corner to their right.

KENNETH: "Be careful not to step on Amber's house, guys." ~pointing to the boxes~

AMBER: "Don't make me pee on you."

THORIN: "He may enjoy that."

AMBER: "You're disgusting,Thorin."

THORIN: "Tell me something I don't know."

They eventually get to a blue door which opens to a newsroom. The place is a mess, the are tripods and cameras set up. There is a Film on the table, there is a desk by the back wall. There is a small unlit furnace off to their left and 3 faucets on the wall behind the desk.

HOMER: "I think if we light those, it'll give us something so that we can keep going."

RYO: "Amber, use your lighter. Middle first, right ,then left."

STEVEN: "I got a baaaaaaaad feeling about this."

JOSH: "Yea,me too."

SPIKE: "Be quiet you pansies."

LUKE: "This is too easy."

HOMER: "That's because we're just that good."

Amber lights them and it releases the wheel of the chariot in a picture on the other side of the room.

HOMER: "I knew it! I am Smart! S-M-R-T!"

RYO: "There...see? Nice and Simple. Homer, go pick up the cogwheel."

HOMER: "Okay Ryo. I'll just go...."

Suddenly the wall behind them explodes! The T Tyrant is standing there grunting.

MR.T: "Uhhhhhh! Pain!!!"

JOE: "Holy S&^%!"

MR.T: "Arrrrr, I want Balboa!"

HOMER: "AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" ~high pitched scream~

Ryo runs and quickly grabs the cog and everyone runs out of the room quickly.

JOSH: "Bloody hell that was close!"

STEVEN: "You can say that again."

JOSH: "Bloody hell that was close!"

STEVEN: "You can say that again."

RYO: "Shutup! Head down the hall. Let's get outta here!"

As they hurry back down the hall, the wall ahead of them explodes and the Mr T Tyrant cuts off their escape, blocking the hallway. Loud screams are heard and Homer tries to run, but Mr T grabs him.

MR.T: "Hey sucka! Where's the G?"

HOMER: "I don't know anyone named G, you mohawked freak! Let me go!"

MR.T: "Shut up, fool! Don't make me mad, Arrr! I'm gonna bust you up!"

The Tyrant flings Homer down the hall and everyone open fires. T comes at them with a slow paced walk and an angry face. Eventually the ammo takes its toll and T stops coming, spinning his head around a bit, before smashing face first into the floor. Steven and Josh keep shooting at the Tyrant.

RYO: "What are you doing? Its down!"

STEVEN: "Yea,but it's gonna get back up again and keep chasing us."

JOSH: "Right,and we aim to put a stop to it once and for all!"

RYO: "It doesn't work that way. Once he's down, you can't hurt him anymore for this particular time period."

STEVEN: "But we're shooting him! Close range!"

RYO: "Uh uh. Doesn't matter. We won't be able to damage him til the next encounter."

JOSH: "Well, that's not right. They're ruining our bravado again."

STEVEN: "It's the Man! Always trying to hold us back!"

RYO: "What the hell are you talking about? You ARE the man."

STEVEN: "You really think so? Awfully nice of you to say. Yea....I AM the man!"

JOSH: "Yea! We are the men,Steven! Thanks mate."

Ryo lets out an annoyed sigh and rolls his eyes as he keeps the group moving.



----------FILE I----------

'Cocoa Puff Chaos!'

Things have progressed with our Psycho Squads....sort of. The usual fights with Zombies were okay, but MR.T has become an annoying problem they can't seem to get rid of. Lickers seem to be popping in out of nowhere, and in unexpected places too. After joining up and splitting up in various pairs again, we pick things up with the other group heading back down into the basement and discovering that the ammunition room has been opened.


RYO: "Look out! I need some too!"

Josh and Steven are fighting over a box of bullets, grabbing it with one hand in a tug of war and punching with the other hand each time they lean close to each other. Meanwhile, Amber, Ryo, Homer and Spike have formed a blockade around the rest of the ammo. All you can see is the back of their heads and their hands flailing around in a blur, grabbing everything in sight. Kenneth tries to go in the right side, but Spike and Homer have blocked off every inch of space. He tries to squeeze underneath them but they both farted and Kenneth starts choking, quickly moving away. He tries the middle but Ryo is going crazy and the Timeline incident is still fresh in Kenneth's mind. He tries the left, but Amber keeps pushing him out with her foot.

KENNETH: "Hey! I need ammo too, you know!"

AMBER: "Shut the hell up, Kenneth. You're poor, no one cares about you."

KENNETH: "I want my blanky." sad

After everybody, except Kenneth, restocks their ammo, Flip and Allan join Amber as they head off to check the kennels. Ryo, Luke, Steven,Josh, Homer, head back to the jail cells.

The 3 enter the kennels and it looks like someone went through here already. Amber checks the dog pens and gathers up some notes and herbs. Flip closes the manhole cover, gets the crowbar and opens it up again, to make it look like he made a worthwhile discovery.

As they go to leave,to get back to the others, they notice Allan hunched over the desk. He is mashing cocoa puffs into a fine brown powder and then pushing it into a pile. After he has done the whole box, there is a small brown mountain in front of him. He leans down and put his face into the pile, snorting hard into both nostrils. When they call his name, he looks up with a brown patch on his nose.

FLIP: "There are so many Brown Nose jokes I could say right now."

AMBER: "What the f*** are you doing?!"

ALLAN: "Ohhhh! I'm cuckoo for cocoa puffs,baby!!"

AMBER: "Enough of that s***. We need to stay focused."

ALLAN: "Oh,I'm focused,baby.I'm so focused, I can see everything I want."

FLIP: "What do you want?"

ALLAN: "The world,chico....and everything in it."

AMBER: "You're an idiot."


Ryo and the rest start to go into the jail but stand in place frozen.

BEN: "Nooooooooooooooo!"

We now see inside the cell block. Ben is backing toward the wall while a large monster is in the room with him. No one is doing anything to help him, just watching.

BEN: "Get Away!"

The Monster shoots some sort of organism into his mouth. He starts wailing and collapses to the floor. After hearing Benís anguished cries, Leon enters the cell block and movement is given again. They see Ben on the floor propped up against the bars on the outside of the cell and go over to help him.

LEON: "Ben! Can you still hear me? Címon answer me! Ben!"

LUKE: "Ben? Are you alright? BEN!!!".

Suddenly a spirit of an old man wearing a brown hooded robe appears in the room.

BEN KENOBI: "Luke! You must go to the Dagobah system."

LUKE: "What the? Dagobah system? What the hell is the Dagobah system?! Who are you and how do you know my name?"

BEN KENOBI: "There you will learn from Yoda! The Jedi mas..... ~looks~ Oh, Son of a Gundark, wrong Luke, wrong galaxy. Eh, sorry about that. Forget all you saw. ~waves his hand around~ These aren't the droids you're looking for. Uh... Move along!"

After a bright flash and vanishing from sight, everybody shakes their heads as the memory of what just happened dissipates from their minds.

BEN: "Hello? Remember me? The guy dying down here?"

RYO: "Sorry about that, you were saying?"

BEN: "Bitter irony. The chief of Police, a co-conspirator."

Ben hands Leon a file,which Ryo quickly snatches out of his hands, documenting Chief Brian Ironsí corruption. Suddenly everything stops as we are forced to read about Crazy Irons and his escapades. When we return, Ben makes a final comment.

BEN: "Get... that...!"

HOMER: "" ~makes a face indicating Ben is a weirdo~ silly

LEON: "Hang in there,Ben."

Ben gets up, groaning in agony.

BEN: "My chest...Uh! It's burning!"

LEON: "Whatís wrong?"

RYO: "Did you have Burger King tonight? Because I had some of what we found earlier and it's really repeating on me too."

LEON: "Ben!"

Leon is powerless to help as Benís chest explodes and he splits open, blood spurting everywhere. A small monster pops out of Benís chest and scurries to the door.

HOMER: "Great Ridley Scott!"

STEVEN: "Did that little thing just open the door? I heard the door knob turn."

RYO: "Go after it. Luke,you stay here with me in case it comes back."

Ada enters the room after Ben collapses to the floor and gets bumped out of the way by people running by her.

ADA: "Good God, what was that?"

Leon pulls out his radio to contact Claire.

LEON: "We now have access to the back of the parking lot."

LUKE: "I think she knows that since she's been through here already."

RYO: "Day late and a dollar short there, buddy."

LEON: "Oh."

RYO: "Keep at it,Leon. You won't suck forever."

LEON: "What? Ada...Wait!"

Ada runs off and Leon chases after her as usual. Miraculously, during all this chaos, the other prisoner was hiding and remains unscathed. Luke uses the keys Ben had and opens the door for him,letting him know it was safe to come out now. Ryo was reading the file, only partially paying attention to the conversation around him.

LUKE: "Ok...sir. You're free."

ZOOLANDER: "Thank you."

LUKE: "What did you say your name was again?"

ZOOLANDER: "The sexiest man alive, Zoolander."

Suddenly, Ryo lifts his head and makes an angry face. angry He quickly unsheathes his sword,spins and cuts the man's head off. The headless body falls back into the cell as the head hits the floor. Luke backs away, trying to avoid the blood.

LUKE: "Ryo! What the f***?!"

RYO: "I am the Highlander.....there can be..... only ONE!"

LUKE: "He said his name was ZOOlander."

RYO: "Oh...well....uh,slight audio snafu. I couldn't hear him because I was too busy laughing on the inside over the 'sexy' comment."

~uncomfortable silence~

RYO: "Well, let's just move onto the next scene, shall we?" ~casually tapping the head off camera with his foot~

Just then the rest of the group comes back in. Amber,Flip and a hyper Allan return with them.

AMBER: "Ryo, something f***** up was in the hallway."

ALLAN: "It look like a cheeken."

FLIP: "What the hell kind of mutant farm did you grow up on?"

ALLAN: "It probably taste like a cheeken too. Let's go get the cheeken."

SPIKE: "What the hell went down in here?"

JOSH: "What happened to Ben?"

RYO: "Oh, he had to split. ~chuckles~ Guess it was a splitting headache."

STEVEN: "And look, the monster killed the other man too! Ripped his damn head off!"

JOSH: "What a savage beast. "

RYO: "Uh...yea....that damn monster!" whistling

LUKE: "Stellar job we're doing of rescuing survivors." plain

RYO: "Well, no time to dwell on that. We need to go fight the chicken... I mean, the mutant thing. ~flips through a file~ G-Type, that's it."

ALLAN: "Oh, we gonna eat good now. Arroz con Pollo, baby!"

STEVEN: "Well, I'm just glad it was Leon that showed up and not that stupid Claire. She's really annoying."

As the camera pans back, Joe is suddenly behind the clueless Steven. It doesn't matter that it defies all logic. All that matters is that Steven uttered profanity against Claire. The other party members cringe and Steven looks at them, wondering why, as that low one note guitar twang sounds.

STEVEN: "What?" thinking

Suddenly, we see Steven getting his head bashed as Joe opens and closes the jail cell door on his head and groin. Pics/PunisherCell.jpg

LUKE: "Can we not kill our own members,please?"

JOE: "What? I'm just trying to knock some sense into him!"

After he's done, Joe manages to disappear as fast as he came, as most people typically do in the series, leaving Steven with a serious headache and groinal bruises. The fight with the G-Type and spawn was fierce, mainly because they kept trying to shoot the spawn off each other and ended up hitting one another. Eventually, through a stroke of luck, the monsters all died. Ryo instructs Spike to go get Joe and the rest and head back here to show the others what they found.


Joe's group encountered a group of crows and Phyllis had another freak out session. Joe took her outside the Main Entrance of the RPD to calm her down. Spike came and asked about Joe and the others told him what happened. Spike has joined them outside to see if Phyllis is ok. They are down where they fought the Matt zombie and got the 'Special Key.'

JOE: "Take it easy. They're gone, we're fine now."

SPIKE: "Are you all right?"

PHYLLIS: "I'm still so jittery. I mean...those little f**** went right for my face. You know I can't handle that,Joe. I'm not going to have my hotness ruined by F****** birds!!!"

JOE: "I know....Don't worry, everything is gonna be fine."

Suddenly, the grate on the floor behind them pops out and they quickly aim there guns towards the sound. A small asian girl pops her head out.

YOKO: "Did I take the right shortcut? I'm supposed to meet Marvin so that I can get on the rescue truck to escape the Outbreak before the zombies take over."

JOE: " did NOT take the right shortcut. Sounds like you took a damn LONGcut! Who are you?"

YOKO: "My name is Yoko."

PHYLLIS: "Yoko.... OH no." rolling_eyes

YOKO: "No,not Yoko Ono, I'm Yoko Suzuki actually."

JOE: "Do guys ride you like a motorcycle?"

YOKO: "Funny you should mention that, guys are always asking me for a ride.I wonder why that is? thinking Hm,maybe I should've made a left instead of a right in there. It's all so confusing."

Suddenly, some Zombies break in the gate and groan as they enter the yard. Everybody runs up the stairs and the zombies come towards them, sloshing along in their squishy shoes. Everyone gets ready to attack them, including the new stranger. Phyllis,in a rare generous mood, offers Yoko the shotgun and uses her Beretta instead,seeing as she is a better shot and more experienced than the young girl. During the fight however, Yoko runs off, leaving the others to shoot the zombies themselves. When she returns, the shotgun is gone and instead she has a broomstick in her hands.

SPIKE: "Yeah Yoko, bad enough you run off when we're fighting, but then you dump the shotgun, **** off and come back with a stick. What the f*** is going on?"

YOKO: "I have no clue. I just have a compulsion to run around and switch items every few minutes."

JOE: "That's weird...your voice sounds just like Claire."

YOKO: "Who's Claire?"

PHYLLIS: "Who cares! You're in the wrong damn adventure, Bitch! Get the F*** out!"

Phyllis grabs Yoko and shoves her in the vent. Yoko manages to peek her head out again to say something but Phyllis quickly puts her foot on Yoko's head and shoves her back into the shaft, closing it quickly. Now feeling even more annoyed, Phyllis walks back up the small flight of stairs, and joins in with the zombie killing.

Ryo and the rest, wondering what's taking Spike so long, come back to look for him. After meeting up with the other group, in the meeting room of course, and hearing what happened, Ryo sends Josh outside to get Joe,Phyllis and Spike, while he and the rest head to the Main Hall. Just as Phyllis recovers her shotgun, Josh comes walking towards them, listening to his discman, swaying his body.

JOSH: "You guys need to come back, we're heading out. We found the entrance to the sewers." ~turns up the music~

JOE: "Okay, tell him we'll be there in a minute.... Josh? Hellooo?"

Josh is listening to his music, not hearing Joe.

JOE: "Spike, go tell Ryo we'll be right in."

SPIKE: "Sure thing,mate.Cheers." ~heads inside~

PHYLLIS: "I don't know if I can. I'm so wound up."

JOE: "Don't worry,Phyllis. I know just the thing to cheer you up. ~taps Josh~ Hey Josh, why don't you tell Phyllis what you're listening to?"

JOSH: "Oh,sure... Now Listening to: Ja Rule." grin

PHYLLIS ~eyes wide~ : "Oh, hell no!!! ~looks at Joe~ Sweetie... would you do me the honors?"

JOE: "Sure thing, Philly cheese steak."

Joe walks over,grabs Josh's player and pulls the disc out.

JOSH: "Hey! I was listening to that! What the hell do you think you're doing?!"


Joe arches his arm back and flings the disc high into the air. Phyllis quickly raises her shotgun and aims, following the trajectory. She squeezes off a shot and the disc shatters into pieces. Phyllis and Joe yell out a jubilant "YEA!!!" as they high five each other and walk back in happily. Josh comes running behind, shaking his fist.

PHYLLIS: "You always know how to cheer me up." happy

JOE: "That's what I'm here for." wink

JOSH: "Well, I'm not feeling 'cheery'! You're gonna pay for that!" frustrated


As they go back inside and join up with the others, they discover that numerous Lickers have infiltrated the Main Hall. Their numbers are staggering. They are walking slowly, click-clacking their way around the hall. Everyone is talking in whispers, some louder than others.

RYO: "This is ridiculous. They're not supposed to BE here!"

AMBER: "SHHHH! Be quiet! You want to get us all killed?"

LUKE: "She's right."

AMBER: "Of course I am....I'm Amber."

LUKE: "I meant about being quiet. Regardless of who or what is or isn't supposed to be in a certain place, the fact is, they're here. Now, if we just proceed with caution, we can get through this.

HOMER: "Who's Caution and how will he help us?"

FLIP: "Quiet Homer."

LUKE: "Just slip through here quietly. No one make a sound."

The group walks slowly and tiptoes by the Lickers. Everything is fine until Rob makes a loud crunch. The Lickers hunch up and start roaring angrily.

FLIP: "Damnit! Rob, didn't you hear what Luke said?"
THORIN: "Yea ruined everything!"

ROB: "It's not my fault! There's cocoa puffs all over the damn floor!"

RYO: "We don't have time for this! We're behind schedule!"

ALLAN: "Ju go,mang. I take care a dis."

LUKE: "We can't just leave him here alone."

AMBER: "Sure we can. Hardly anyone even remembers this guy anyway."

ALLAN: "Das right. Say good night to da bad guy!"

RYO: "Are you sure?"

ALLAN: "Si. I see ju later."

JOE: "Ryo, get to the sewers. We're gonna head upstairs, see if we can find Irons and then head to the Clock Tower to use the cogwheel, to collect the last of the chess pieces we need. We'll catch up with you guys later."


After making their way through Irons' office, the group comes upon Claire and Sherry standing by an elevator. Claire instructs Sherry to wait for her while she takes the elevator down with the group. A torch lit hallway leads to a door. As the group loads through it, Irons' laugh can be heard and when they enter,he has a gun pointed at them. They see that it's a bloody room, filled with numerous torture devices; blades, axes and the Hanson album.

IRONS: So, you've made it this far. Not bad, girl!"

HOMER: "Yea? Well, you'll find I'm full of surprises!"

CLAIRE: "I think he was talking to me."

HOMER: "Oh, surrrrre. It's always about you,isn't it, Claire?"

CLAIRE: "What are you talking about? All I said..."

HOMER: "See? I,I,I. It's like being in a Spanish soap opera."

IRONS: "Shut-tup! How the hell are ANY you idiots surviving?! You should all be dead by now! It doesn't matter...I'm not letting anyone leave MY town, EVERYONE'S GONNA DIE!!!!"

JOE: "I like this guy." laugh

CLAIRE: "Calm down Chief, what happened?

IRONS: "YOU couldn't possibly understand what's happened. Those monsters from Umbrella have destroyed my beautiful town! How could they do that to me after everything I've done for them!?"

THORIN: "That's it, Brian...share your feelings."

IRONS: "Shut tup!"

CLAIRE: "So it's true, you have been working for Umbrella...then you must know about the G-Virus! What is it? TELL me!"

IRONS: "If you must know... it is the agent that can turn humans into the ultimate Bio-Weapon, superior to the T-Virus in every way. William Birkin is the genius behind the project."

CLAIRE: "William Birkin?"

IRONS: ~in a creepy voice~ "I'm sure you've already seen his little girl running around here. Sherry? Isn't it? In case you haven't already figured it out, the monster that's been tearing my precinct apart is yet another product of the G-Virus, The Ultimate Bio Weapon! Umbrella must be trying to cover its tracks."

THORIN: "He couldn't find the bathroom either,huh? They're gonna need a lot of kitty litter to cover all the tracks left in this place."

PHYLLIS: "Actually,the monster tearing up the precinct is a Mr. T Tyrant...T-Virus, not G."

JOE: "What a dumbass.You haven't got a clue,have you,Brian?"

IRONS: "SHUT-TUP!!!!! ALL of you!! I may not make it out of here alive.... ~backs the group up towards the trap door in the back of the room.~ but if I'm going to go, I'm going to take you with me!"

A terrifying monster roar can be heard very close by.

IRONS: "What the?"

The trapdoor in the room bursts open and a hand grabs Irons by his leg. He struggles but is dragged below screaming in terror. The screams are followed by some unpleasant sounds.... then silence.

JOE: "What now?"

ROB: "I think we should see if he needs help."

PHYLLIS: "I'm not helping that prick! He pulled a gun on us!"

JOE: "Yea! Plus now that thing's pissed for getting blamed for wrecking the RPD."

SARA: "I think this is what we're supposed to do though."

CLAIRE: "I think she's right."

TIM: "Right. Let's not fret about, mates. Seems he was just a bit upset over his Bobby Brown..."

Everybody stares at Tim annoyed.

TIM: ~sighs~ "His 'town' ok? Maybe if we help him, he'll turn over a new leaf and tell us how we get the hell out of here."

As the group approaches the trapdoor, Chief Irons corpse is thrown back up with force... minus his legs and lower torso. Rob gasps and his jaw hits the ground with a loud clang. shock

PHYLLIS: "Yea, he turned over a new leaf and it sliced him in F****** half!!!"

CLAIRE: "Well...guess down is the way to go."

JOE: "Do we really need to go that way?"

PHYLLIS: "Did you see the way Irons got flung up? Now what if that hit my nose?"

SARA: "It does seem rather dangerous down there."

HOMER: "See ya later, Claire.

CLAIRE: "What? What do you mean 'see you later'? Where's all the bravado? You guys were all gung ho to kill everything, well.... there's something down there that needs to be killed!"

ROB: "Sounds kind of big though."

TIM: "This is Birkin though, not some zombie."

JOE: "She's right,guys. We're the Psycho Squad. When there's a villain, we do the killin."

PHYLLIS: "I like that. Can we get shirts with that?"

THORIN: "Yea! We can put our names on the back."

JOE: "Cool idea."

ROB: "How bout business cards? We can put a dancing pirate on the card."

THORIN: "We can be like the Ghostbusters!"

PHYLLIS: "Who ya gonna call?"

HOMER: "Yea, those ghosts, bustin ghost.We're callin the ghosts. We be bustin real good!"

ROB: "That's not even close to how the song goes,Homer."

CLAIRE: "Alright! Back to reality.Let's all just head down now, shall we?"

As they all go down the ladder and walk down a metal walkway, a cutscene starts. They see William Birkin walking towards them. He grabs a piece of the railing and roars. His body gets a little bigger and a big eye forms on his arm. The scene ends and Birkin heads towards them.

TIM: "A stick? This bloke's going to fight us with a stick?" ~LOL~

CLAIRE: "Be on your guard.Since we're just facing him for the first time, this might be a little tough.He's unpredictable, we don't know what..."

JOE: "FIRE!!!"

Numerous bullets get blasted into Birkin before he even reaches halfway. Before Claire can even get off a shot, Birkin roars and falls over the side. The battle was much shorter than she anticipated. Feeling cocky that they defeated the 1st form of a boss meant to fight a lone individual, they start patting themselves on the back and celebrating.

ROB: "We came, we saw. we kicked its ASS!!!!"



Proud of themselves and on a kick, they all line up together and start doing the strut, taking one step forward and pointing to that side, alternating as they go. Claire just shakes her head,goes and grabs Sherry and leaves quickly in the opposite direction. N Party Pics/Ghostbustersjig.gif

Later,Joe's group manages to get to the 3rd floor, put in the cogwheel and flick the switch which gets the gears to the clock working. After that, a side panel opens up, revealing the last chess piece and what appears to be a chute. Thorin wastes no time as he happily hops in it with a loud "WHEEEEEE!!!!!!...."


Back to the Main Hall to see what happened with Allan......

ALLAN: "Ju die,MothaF*****!!!!"

Lickers start jumping in from everywhere as Allan defends himself, blasting away at the monsters. As the Lickers close in, he heads up the Emergency ladder. More Lickers await him there. He manages to shoot 2 of them before a Licker tongue pierces his side. Allan yells in pain and shoots the Licker til he runs out of ammo. Pics/scarface.jpg

ALLAN: "Oh-kay....ju wanna play rough? I play rough!"

Allan motions his body a certain way and enters a code. Suddenly the minigun appears in his hands. He gets in a stance,spins the barrel and prepares to say the most heavily exploited, overused line in movie history.

ALLAN: "Say hello to my little friend!!!"

Allan pulls the trigger and numerous bullets spray out of the gun. Pixilated Licker blood spurts all over the place and the game almost locks up from the abuse of the unlicensed weapon, as everything starts to move in slow motion. More Lickers come in and lash Allan's body left and right. He curses and shoots multiple bullets at them. He manages to take some out but then he loses the grip on his gun as the tongues keeps zipping at him. A bloody Allan stands defiantly, daring them to come.

ALLAN: "Come on you pisa chits...COME ON!!! I take all jour F***** tongues!"

Allan was so high on sugar, he didn't notice the Super Licker walking up behind him. The Super Licker shrieks out a warning to the other Lickers to stop attacking. As Allan gyrates and curses the other Lickers, they sit back and watch. The Super Licker shoots its tongue out and it cuts through Allan's back, blasting out his chest. Allan gives a final yell and his bloody body falls off the balcony, which prompts a loading screen down the emergency ladder. After it finishes loading, his body lands on the Main Hall floor and a pool of blood forms underneath him as the hall echoes in low breathing hisses. The camera pans over head and the words 'You Are Dead' appear as it fades to black.


Ryo's group has used the Club Key to open the last room and participated in a brief tussle. Everyone comes out of the room with an unhappy face except Ryo.

RYO: "HA!!! Magnum,bitches!" dancing

Having returned to the basement, Ryo's group just passed the garage and was heading towards the sewer when Kenneth stops everyone.

KENNETH: "Wait a minute...stop."

RYO: "For what?"

KENNETH: "That sound. Do you guys hear that?"

AMBER: "What? The sound of an idiot talking?"

KENNETH: "No,bitch! Listen!"

Kenneth leans towards the space in the left wall and puts his hand to his ear, hearing an 'eeeee' sound.

FLIP: "It sounds like it's coming closer."

THORIN: "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"

Thorin comes flying out of the chute and kicks Kenneth in the head, toppling into everybody else. The rest of Joe's group soon follows and results in a pile of people. Steven and Josh are choking each other.

MARK: "Oh no! Where is it,Marsie? We can't finds it!"

KENNETH: "Thorin you asshole!" ~rubbing his head~

AMBER: "Couldn't you idiots take the normal way here? Ow! What the hell am I sitting on?"

Amber lifts her leg to the side and pulls the Unicorn Medallion out from under her. Mark sees it and goes nuts.


AMBER: "What?"

MARK: "She tries to steal our Birthday present!!!!"

AMBER: "First of all, it's not your birthday. It's not even yours, no one gave it to you, you took it."

MARK: "GIVE IT HERE!!! ~snatches it from her~ Nasty Hobbit! She wants it for herself! Well, she can't have it,precious! LEAVE US ALONE!!!!!" ~runs~

FLIP: "Dude..."

KENNETH: "What?"

FLIP: "I know you have the multiple name/profile thing going. Paco was bad enough but Adidas?"

KENNETH: "Huh? I don't call myself that."

FLIP: "Then why does it say that on the side of your face?"

Thorin starts busting out rap beats and screaming "MY A-DIDAS!!" before Kenneth curses him and chases after him with a big sneaker print on the side of his head.

The crew leaves the RPD for the sewers...and beyond. Will everything go smoothly? Will anyone get rescued? Will Kenneth ever get any ammo? See the meeting of Annette and more in our next installment, coming soon!



Anyway... 2 small parts by people who aren't around anymore. All you have to know is-David-DC was a bug expert-think he had a real collection or was just really knowledgeable about them. JBon-Daniel...well, on the sign up thread,he put down: Height 3'8". I assume that was a typo but...too bad, that's what it said so that's what he is. Thanks for being patient.Hope you enjoy. peace

-------------FILE J-------------

'Ada the Bitch.'

Now that everybody is together again,they head to the sewers. They discover the sewer door has already been opened and that they wasted time looking for false chess pieces. After going in the room and down a staircase, they jump down and head to another door. The floor in covered in some dark sewer water up to their knees.

STEVEN: "Blech! I can't believe we have to walk through this."

JOSH: "It's not so bad."

STEVEN: "Yea well, you're used to smelling like sh.."

AMBER: "Shutup! You guys are so....whoa!!!"

As Amber was about to curse them, she trips and almost falls down.

AMBER: "What the ****?!"

KENNETH: "Tripping over your own feet,Amber? What a klutz."

AMBER: "It wasn't my feet. There's something on the floor, in the water. I think it's a looks like a man."

KENNETH: "Very funny,Ms. Swan."

RYO: "What?"

KENNETH: "Don't listen to her. Amber is an attention whore. There's no body."

AMBER: "There is too, you dumbass. It felt like an arm. It looks like he's wearing some sort of gas mask or something. I think he just moved! shock Maybe we should check..."

KENNETH: "No, No! Silly girl. We don't have time for your nonsense. You probably stepped on a turd." ~pushing Amber~

AMBER: "How about I step on your face? Stop pushing me!"

RYO: "Come on now, I'm sure it's nothing. Let's go."

Amber still protests as Kenneth ushers her through the door into the next room. After leaving, something under the water stirs and a few bubbles come to the surface....

The door leads into the sewers and they can see water pouring in through the pipes in the wall. The group runs through quickly and it leads to a Safe Room. Everybody goes to the chest to get some ammo and supplies and Ryo takes the Valve Handle. There is a ladder going down and they hear voices calling up to them. It is two Umbrella scientists that have been hiding out during all the chaos.

DANIEL: "Boy,are we glad to see you guys."

THORIN: "I can barely see you at all."

DC: "We thought we were doomed."

DANIEL: "Are you a rescue team?"

LUKE: "If you can call it that."

DC: "Of course they are. That's why they're here,right?"

RYO: "Uh, yea. We'll rescue you, just come with us. Maybe you can be useful to us and help us along the way."

DC: "Well,I am Doctor David Cooper. Call me DC, I'm an entomologist. A bug expert, knowledgeable of all types."

JOE: "Even the big ones?"

DC: "I am proficient of all types,even the big ones."

DANIEL: ~mumbles~ "Yea, too proficient."

JOE: "What was that?"

DANIEL: "Nothing, you'll see. My name is Daniel, I'm a technician."

RYO: "Well, good to meet you guys. Let's get ready to head out."

HOMER: "All I know is, if I don't get some donuts soon,I'm going to be mad!" frustrated

LUKE: "We're all hungry,Homer. Let's just make the best of it."

HOMER: "Best of what? Starvation?! I'm fading away. I can't function without those circular pastries of delight!" sad

FLIP: "You just ate like 2 hrs ago." plain

HOMER: "Oh shut up,Mr. timekeeper!" not_talking

There is a Lift in the corner that is supposed to be used by 2 people at a time, but everybody insists on cramming on it at once. It short circuits and after everybody is seen screaming during the loading screen, the lift goes crashing down to the next floor. The herbs that were just taken from the box now have to be used.

PHYLLIS: "F****** Jackasses!! You couldn't just take turns, right?!" angry

SARA: "If you guys broke my Flute, heads will roll." frustrated

DANIEL: "I can't breathe!"

DC: "This rescue is going splendidly."

Mark walks by and Daniel,needing help getting up, reaches out his hand for aid.

DANIEL: "Help me up?"

MARK: "Look precious, he wants your hand...the hand with the shiny unicorn! Stupid Hobbits think they can trick poor ol Marksie and steal his precious. But Marksie is too smart for them. Help yourself, you filthy halfling!"

RYO: "Ow! Rob, your elbow is in my ribs. You're getting in the way!"

ROB: "Sorry."

RYO: "Look Rob, you're not doing anything here. Why don't you take Sara and meet us over at the lab or something. See if you can find an alternate way there."

ROB: "Tch....Fine." rolling_eyes

As they get up,they notice Leon has been shot and is on the floor, unconscious. For a moment, the group wonders what happened here? Things get blurry as we flash back moments ago. Ada and Leon have just taken the lift down and spot a woman wearing a lab coat, sporting a handgun. Ada goes running after her. Leon yells "Ada!!! Stop!" but she ignores him and stands out in the open. Leon dives and knocks Ada off to the side, out of danger, but in the process takes a bullet himself.

ADA: "Leon!...I know you just got shot trying to save me, have now lost consciousness and bleeding out, in need of immediate medical attention...but that woman! I have to talk to her. See you later."

Ada runs off leaving poor Leon on the floor. Just like most of the adventure, people seem to be act like he's not even there. The group is supposed to head to the right, but Joe spots another Lift on the other side and insists on using it to see what's above, since he has to see everything. Everybody gives in with loud sighs. They walk over and rest in the hallway, stepping on Leon as if he were a rug. Joe, Amber, Luke, DC and Daniel go check it out while the others wait for them in the hall. They use the lift and head up into a room which is identical to the previous one. While gathering herbs and ammo, Amber spots a spider and freaks out, climbing on the table. The others, alarmed by the scream, raise their guns, ready to fire.

LUKE: "What is it,Amber?"


JOE: "Spider? Where?!"

Joe looks around, waving his gun, expecting the giant variety they have fought before. Instead, it is a tiny spider walking on the wall.

JOE: "~LOL~ THAT is what freaked you out? It's tiny."

AMBER: "You know I hate Spiders!" angry

JOE: "Yea but how can you be so freaked out by them?"

Suddenly Joe sees a waterbug run across the floor. He freaks out and tries to climb on the table with Amber.

JOE: "Let me on!!!"

AMBER: "I was here first! Go find your own!"

Joe finally manages to get on it and the two of them are side by side,huddling nervously, worried looking to make sure the bugs aren't near them. DC laughs and comes to help, picking both bugs up, one in each hand.

DC: "Fear not,friends. Ah....Periplaneta americana ~eats it~ and Habronattus americanus ~gulps it down~ Delicious."

JOE&AMBER: "EWWWWW!!!! What the **** is wrong with you?!" sick

DANIEL: "Like I said....too proficient."

LUKE: "Okay...we have whatever supplies that are here. Let's head back....after I finish throwing up."

They head back down and join the others. Most of them are sitting down talking to each other. Homer has his legs on Leon's body,for support while having a discussion with Spike. Josh and Steven are eating some snacks. Steven offers some to Phyllis who is sitting next to him.

STEVEN: "Hey, Phyllis...Feeling Hungry? Care to try some of my FABulous cheese and onion walker crisps?"

Phyllis' eyes flutter and start tearing a bit, as she wipes her eyes with her hand.

PHYLLIS: "What? So I can have ass breath like you two? No thanks."

JOE: "Awright,get up everybody. Time to go."

Just then, Leon comes to. Claire Redfield comes running down the hall and sees Leon on the floor.

CLAIRE: "Leeeeon! What happened? You're bleeeeeeding!"

LEON: "I don't Ada know. Everything is kinda Ada in my head. Ada Spades, Ada Clubs, Ada Hearts, Ada Diamonds. Looks like I have a winning hand."

FLIP: "Sounds like someone has Ada on the brain."

Claire slaps Leon.

CLAIRE: "Speak sense! I don't know what you're saying. Who the F*** is Ada?!"

FLIP: "Can I slap Leon now?"

LEON: "I...I ran into this woman who was in trouble... her name's Ada. Right after that...someone tried to kill me! Nearly succeeded too! Ada went after the sniper but... I'm worried about her. You've got to find her before something happens."

RYO: "She was trying to kill Ada not you and it wasn't a sniper, you moron. The shooter was at close range and used a handgun."

CLAIRE: "Leave him alone! I can't leave you,Leon. You've been shot! And you have footprints all over your body!"

LEON: "I'll be Okay...It's Ada I'm worried about."

CLAIRE: "Oh, sure Leon...worry about the mysterious bitch who ignores you and constantly runs off and not about me, the nice one..."

JOE: "And hot one!" love

CLAIRE: "Yes,thank you.The nice one who is also hot... who actually cares about you. You didn't even ask if I was ok! Thanks a lot... Jerk!" frustrated

Claire steps on Leon's leg as she walks away,adding another footprint and making him scream in pain. As she goes to leave, she sees a woman in a white lab coat appear, sporting a gun and pointing it at her. She stands out in the open instead of using cover. Joe immediately runs, dives in front of Claire and gets shot, followed by other 'volunteers.'

JOE: "Watch it,CLAIRE!!!" ~Blam!~ "F***!!!!"

RYO: "Look out, Claire! I'll deflect the bullets with my blade!"
Ryo waves his sword really fast...but gets shot anyway ~Blam!~ "Oooh!"

FLIP: "I'll help you,Claire!" ~Blam!~ "AAhh!"

SPIKE: "Be careful,Miss!" ~Blam!~ "Argh!"

JOSH: "Take cover!" ~Blam!~ "Unhh!"

LUKE: "Get down!" ~Blam!~ "UGH!"

THORIN: ~mooning annette~ "Nah,nah-neh,nah nah!!!" ~Blam!~ "OWWW!"

Homer goes to run and hide but trips into Mark and they both fall into the line of fire.

HOMER: ~Blam!~ "DOH!"

MARK: "Homer you Assho.. ~Blam~ AGHHH!"

Steven and Kenneth are behind the wall and have no intention of risking their lives and getting shot for Claire.

STEVEN: "Well,there's no way I'M doing that. Certainly not for her!" not_talking

KENNETH: "Got that right. She's on her own!" talk_hand

Phyllis and Amber give each other a look,apparently unhappy hearing that. Phyllis grabs Steven and throws him out there, while Amber shoves Kenneth out with her foot. They both get shot and fall down. Meanwhile Annette can be heard cursing and changing clips as she runs away. Claire looks around at the chaos.

CLAIRE: "This is crazy!"

PHYLLIS: "Don't worry about it,Claire. You're worth it."

AMBER: "Yes, are stupid. Might as well make them useful."

CLAIRE: "But now EVERYone is bleeeeding!!"

TIM: "Well, not every one."

As Amber and Phyllis notice that Tim didn't dive to protect Claire and that he was in fact hiding behind them, they look at him with disapproval.

TIM: "What? This is my favorite shirt! I don't want any bullet holes or blood mucking it up!"

AMBER: "You two...lab guys, see if you can help patch everybody up."

DANIEL: "But I'm a tech guy. How am I supposed to patch everybody up?"

AMBER: "Listen shorty, I don't have time to leave you instructions, you figure it out."

PHYLLIS: "Yea, and you stay here,Claire. We'll track this woman down. are coming with us."

TIM: "Aaaa, music to my ears. Okay ladies, if you insist. ~unbuckling pants~ Now how are we doing this? Who's on top and who gets the bottom? I should warn you, I'm very cunning with my lingus." wink

AMBER: "You are going with us to find and take down that shooter."

TIM: "Sure, but first, let us make merry. Let me share my riches with you ladies."

PHYLLIS: "Put it back in your pants, 'Robin Wood', it's time to go."

After they leave, the 2 umbrella guys nod to each other and prepare to go help the men. Unfortunately DC touches a hot steam pipe, drops a heavy case on Daniel's head, and trips over Daniel's body, hitting his head on the wall. The 2 men now lie unconscious with the rest of them.


The three current remaining upright members run through the sewers in the direction the woman ran. They head up a ladder and through a bug infested tunnel. When they come into the next room, they see Ada and start to run around the room to the other side, where she's standing. All of a sudden, the mysterious woman manages to shoot all the guns out of their hands. Black bars appear overhead and they know they are trapped in the inevitable cut scene.

ANNETTE: "Don't move. You're the ones with that cop, if I'm not mistaken."

AMBER: "Who, Leon? I'm not with that idiot!"

PHYLLIS: "Neither am I!"

TIM: "Don't look at me. I'm a plugger not a chugger."

ADA: "I don't think she means it the way you're interpreting it."

ANNETTE: "Quiet, you fools! Identify yourselves."

ADA: "Ada.....Ada Wong."

Somewhere in the distance, a pained cackle can be heard from Joe.

AMBER: "I'm Awesome Amber."

PHYLLIS: "I'm Fabulous Phyllis."

TIM: "And I'm Triple T....Touch Titty Tim. Please take them out so I can greet you properly."

ANNETTE: "I will do no such thing, you disgusting pervert. Ada Wong... I've heard that name before."

TIM: "Ah, so they called you that too? Wanna taste another?"

ANNETTE: "Shut up! You filthy pig! I should just shoot you right now and be done with it! Now I remember. One of the men from Chicago came to assist the T-Virus research. He used his girlfriendís name as his password, Ada and John I believe."

ADA: "How did you know? Who are you?"

PHYLLIS: "Yea, who are you, anyway?"

ANNETTE: "Annette Birkin."

TIM: "How bout a bit a nookie,Annette?" thinking

ANNETTE: "A bit of what?" confused

TIM: "Come on luv...I'm sure you have quite the body hidden under that lab coat. ~eyeing her up and down and touching her coat.~ You need to open up for all the world to see."

ANNETTE: "Get your hands off me!" ~slaps his hand away with her free hand~

PHYLLIS: "Behave Timothy! Go on,Annette."

ANNETTE: "My husband is responsible for the T-Virus, William Birkin."

ADA: "What?!"

ANNETTE: "Johnís dead. He became one of those zombies. My condolences. And although I regret this, you will be joining him shortly. I won't let anyone take the G-Virus away from me.Itís capable of creating the ultimate Bio-Weapon. Its potential is even greater than that of the T-Virus. "

ADA: "G-Virus?"

ANNETTE: "Yes. You're all going down...But first, I need to tell you a story. If you'll kindly look to your right we'll be watching a brief FMV on how the T-Virus outbreak started."

Everybody watches the story about how Hunk and his team shot William and took the samples. How William injected himself with the G-Virus and became a monster, hunting them all down.The rats ate broken T-Virus samples that were in the case the soldiers took from Birkin and spread the virus around the city.

ADA: "So those rats were the carriers of the virus?"

PHYLLIS: "Don't be silly. How can they carry that? They don't even have pockets."

AMBER: "Guess they had little rat pocketbooks."

TIM: "Silly Ada."

The three of them start laughing and mimic little rats walking with bags and carrying vials. Annette is annoyed and Ada is rolling hey eyes at the idiocy, before realizing who the monster is.

ADA: "Wait a minute, if all that's true then that must mean the creature in the police department is..."

ANNETTE: " husband,Wi..."

PHYLLIS: "Chief Irons is your husband?!" shock

ANNETTE: "No! Not that imbecile. She said,The Creature." plain

AMBER: "The black dude with the mohawk? Ewwww."

ANNETTE: " No! NO!!! The other one,damnit!!!" frustrated

TIM: "That?! You sleep with that thing?!"

ANNETTE: ~grumbles~ angry

PHYLLIS: " nice."

TIM: "What? Me she won't sleep with but that thing with the claws and s*** ...that she marries?!"

ADA: "I don't think he looked like that when they were married."

ANNETTE: "I'm going to take great pleasure killing you, you British bastard!"

AMBER: "Wait, you have a daughter named Sherry?"

ANNETTE: "What?... Yes! How did you...?"

AMBER: "She was seen running around here."

ANNETTE: "Here?! Why is she here? I told her to go to the Police Station!"

PHYLLIS: "Yea, little pain in the ass didn't listen to what I told her either."

ANNETTE: "I have to find her! Sherry and the G-Virus sample are in danger."

AMBER: "Well, Claire has been looking after her but she got separated in the sewer. Why don't you just calm down and work with us and maybe we can help find her."

There is a pause before Annette lowers her gun.

ANNETTE: "Yes, that would be best. Maybe you're right."

PHYLLIS: "We're here simply as a rescue team,not to collect any viruses. We just want to get out of here."

ANNETTE: "All right...I'm sorry I reacted this way. I'm just nervous and alone.... after what Umbrella did to William...."

AMBER: "We understand. Just come with us. Let's see if we can find Sherry."

PHYLLIS: "Nice job,Amber."

AMBER: "You too,Phyllis. Looks like the girls managed to handle things best and save the day here...Well.... except for you, Ada. You sucked."

ADA: plain

PHYLLIS: "We're so great. Come on,Annette. You can lead us through here since you know the way."

Annette nods her head and everything seems fine.... until Ada lunges forward and slaps Annette across the face, sending her toppling over the side, screaming and landing with a splash into the water below. PICS/AdaslapAnnette.jpg


AMBER: "She was going to help us!"

ADA: ~snickering~ "Too bad."

TIM: "What a bitch! I didn't get to sample that sweet succulent steak named Annette." sad

PHYLLIS: "I wonder what she meant by the 'G-Virus sample being in danger'? Hmmmm."

Ada goes running off, leaving the three to fend for themselves. As they continue on, their search finds the Eagle Medal. They head down a ladder and hear some rumblings in the water. Something jumps out of the water causing them to freeze in place. Screams are heard in the blackness, with Tim's being the loudest and highest pitched of them all.


As we return to the rest of our team, the boys regain consciousness. Claire and Leon are gone. Joe and Ryo gather everyone together, realizing they must rescue Claire and the girls. With many curses and groans, they all get up and proceed down into the sewers.

After fighting some giant spiders, they find some dead Umbrella soldiers, ammo and a Wolf Medal.

JOE: "Wolf Medal?" thinking

RYO: "Don't you start! One babbling idiot is bad enough. I'll hold it until we need it."

They continue on, through a door, use the Valve Handle, pick up some Green Herbs and enter a big hallway. Eventually, they hear gunshots and get stuck in a cut scene. As they approach the open door, they can see Amber and Phyllis shooting down into the water. Tim is behind them, just staring at their asses.

JOE: "Phyllis!"

RYO: "Amber!"

They look up towards the group but before anything can be said, a giant alligator comes out of the water and snaps at the guys, knocking them all on their asses. Naturally, as the Alligator climbs out of the water, coming towards them, they take their time getting up. Once they do though, the sewer echoes with screaming as everybody starts hauling ass, running at top speed back the way they came. Unfortunately, Daniel's short stature didn't help and although his diminutive legs run as fast as they can, he still lags far behind the others. The gator takes advantage and grabs one of his legs with its teeth. It flips the little man up in the air and smacks its jaws together, gobbling him down like a Daniel McNugget.

Flip stops for a moment and fires his gun at the gator. Ryo, was throwing all kinds of garbage behind him, hoping that it would slow the gator down. He spotted a canister in the wall with a flashing red light above it. He ignored the message, exclaiming he didn't have time to read and knocked the canister on the ground.

FLIP: "Oh yea, like that's going to stop it. Good job, Ryo."

RYO: "Shut up and run!"

Joe stops and shoots his Machinegun, ripping bullets into the beast. The gator gets pissed, roaring and smashing a hole in the wall,with its snout. For some strange reason, it then slows down and picks up the canister in its mouth. Ryo pulls out the Magnum, closes his eyes, and fires once. The bullet hits the canister and it explodes, killing the Alligator. Everybody rejoices, happy that it's dead and glad they didn't s*** their pants at that unexpected explosion.

FLIP: "Holy crap! Now I see what you had planned. You realized the canister was highly volatile, so you left it in its path, knowing it would pick it up and enabling you to take it down in one swift action, instead of us wasting ammunition and possibly losing our lives in an unavoidable cutscene. Good job,Ryo!"

RYO: "I did? I mean,of course I did! I knew it would work."

Joe checks the hole and is told: A very large hole is here. It looks like it was made by something very big.

JOE: "Well, of course it was big, IT WAS THE F***** ALLIGATOR!!! It's right here! We just fought the damn thing 2 seconds ago! Idiot."

The gang reunites and they head back to the other side of the sewer. Unfortunately, the group is hesitant to use the bug tunnel again.

AMBER: "Ew, I'm not going in there."

PHYLLIS: "Neither am I, I'm not getting bugs in my hair."

TIM: "You guys go."

JOE: "F*** that! I ain't goin through there."

RYO: "This tunnel really bugs me. HaHa, see what I did there,Phyllis?"

PHYLLIS: ~sighs~ "Yea,I see,Ryo. Very clever." raised_brow

LUKE: "You guys are being ridiculous. If you just run really fast, they won't get you."

THORIN: "Buggy bug bug."

HOMER: "Stupid bugs!"

FLIP: "I guess we'll have to go all the way around again."

DC: "Not necessary, allow me..."

Where most see disgust, the twisted scientist sees delight. DC opens his mouth and starts chomping like PacMan into the tunnel. As all the insects come out, he starts eating them all with a waka waka waka sound. Soon the tunnel is empty and DC rubs his full tummy.

DC: "Aaaaa, what a delectable smorgasbord!"

LUKE: "You are one twisted SOB, I'll say that much."

After everybody nauseatingly makes their way to the other side, they notice the water has gotten deeper. Joe goes down first to check it out.

JOE: "It's ok guys, it's deeper but not that deep. Let's go."

As everybody gets in the water and they start walking down the hall, they notice someone missing.

PHYLLIS: "Where's Amber?"

RYO: "She's right he...."

Ryo looks to his side and sees a pair of hands sticking out from beneath the water, flailing around for help. When we see the group turning the corner coming towards the camera, a dripping Amber is now sitting on Ryo's shoulders.

They come to a door with rushing water over it and 2 slots to the side. The Wolf and Eagle medals are placed in the slots and the water stops and drains out. They all hop up and exit the sewers.

Once through the door, Leon and Ada catch up with them. Leon is standing behind Ada and now has his arm bandaged ...on the outside. Ada notices all the men have been shot.

ADA: "Are you guys all right?"

FLIP: "These bullet wounds aren't making anything easier."

THORIN: "Especially the one on my ass."

ADA: "If you guys want me to, I can patch you all up like I did for Leon."

Leon starts shaking his head and waving his hands side to side,silently mouthing the word 'NO!' ...As Ada turns around, Leon immediately smiles and starts nodding.

LEON: "Yea.....she did such a terrific job!" liarliar

FLIP: "Uhhhh, no thanks. We're good."

ADA: "Suit yourselves."

With that, Ada goes running off and Leon goes running after her. They get on a tram car and Ada starts the tram and leaves everybody else behind, before they can reach it. After cursing Ada and fighting a few zombies, the tram comes back and everybody boards. When it reaches the other side, Leon and Ada are gone. Joe looks to his left and thinks he sees something.

JOE: "Hey, I think I see something."

RYO: "No, you don't."

JOE: "What do you mean,no I don't? There's something on the floor, it looks like a key of some kind."

RYO: "You can't see anything yet. Oh look, a flare launcher. maybe we should light it, see what happens!"

JOE: "Fine...Amber....can you light that please?"

Amber uses her lighter and a small flare shoots out, creating a sparkle on the ground. Joe goes and picks up a key.

JOE: "Wow, would you look at that. It's a Weapon Box Key." rolling_eyes

Joe hands the key to Ryo,who then smiles, knowing what it's for. As they go to leave, a swarm of black birds attack. Mark freaks out and runs around with his hands in the air.


RYO: "Shoot 'em!"

MARK: "Wraiths on wingsssssssssss!!!!!"

AMBER: "Calm down, they're just crows!"

HOMER: "Stupid birds! I'll show them who's boss."

Suddenly Homer gets completely swarmed by the crows, before he can shoot. Loud screaming can be heard as his clothes rip.

HOMER: "That's not a worm!!!"

Squawks echo in the air as the birds are eliminated. Feathers are all over the place including inside Homer's underwear. Luke helps him up, wondering how that possibly happened.

HOMER: "Well, the birds went down my..."

LUKE: "You know what? That's ok. I don't need to know."

The group heads down a tight passage. Zombies come out and start attacking them. Kenneth tries to attack the Zombie in front of him but it lunged and is now biting on his arm. He screams and calls out for help from his teammates.

KENNETH: "AHHHH!!! Help!!"

Phyllis puts her shotgun against her hip....but doesn't fire. Kenneth pushes the Zombie off and spins in place to run the other way. He gets a few steps but the Zombie lunges again and starts biting his leg. Again he screams for aid from Phyllis, but she just angles her gun up. After pushing off the Zombie, he limps over and stands there bloodily, cursing her to shoot.

KENNETH: "What the **** are you waiting for?!"

PHYLLIS: "The right time."

KENNETH: "The right time?! The Right Time?!?! How about NOW???? Is NOW good for you?!?! I'm DYING over here! SHOOT him! He's getting closer!"

PHYLLIS: "Not yet. I don't have much ammo and I'm trying to conserve. Why don't you shoot it?"

KENNETH: "Because I don't have any damn ammo!!!! You assholes never let me have any."

PHYLLIS: " Don't worry,you big baby. Soon as he gets closer, I'll blast his head off."

KENNETH: "But....but...!"

PHYLLIS: "Be quiet before I kick your butt butt."

While Kenneth stands there whimpering, the Zombie gets closer. Phyllis fires off a shot and the Zombie's head explodes. Phyllis laughs.


Steven and Josh are shooting at some Zombies. Steven is aiming right towards the camera as we see a zombie appear to its left. As Steven squeezes off a few shots, one of them hits the camera and cracks the lens. An "ULLL!" sound is heard as the cameraman falls down.

JOSH: "You bloody fool! You shot the damn camera!"

STEVEN: "No I didn't! That was your shot, you dolt!"

JOSH: "I wasn't even firing that way, you Dubmass."

STEVEN: "Dubmass? You really just proved what you are, right there."

JOSH: "It was a slip up, I was supposed say, Dumbass!"

STEVEN: "And brains are supposed to be in your head,not your ASS, dummy!"

JOSH: "All right,that does it,you son of a...!"

The 2 men start wrestling and hitting each other, while Zombies still walk around, forcing the others to shoot them. There is still the one that Steven missed, walking up to them. No one can get a clear shot because they are in the line of fire. The Zombie groans and reaches for them, but they are too preoccupied with punching each other to notice. As they wrestle, Steven ducks and the Zombie gets punched in the face by Josh. Josh hops up as Steven sweeps his leg, taking out the Zombie's legs and causing him to fall. They take out their knives and the sounds of a KA-CHINK fest start to echo in the air. The Zombie gets cut from all angles, since Josh and Steven miss each other. The dazed Zombie stumbles back and stands there groaning, delirious from the beating. Without taking their eyes off each other, they each reach over and grab a Zombie arm and yank it hard, tearing them off the creature. The 2 begin hitting one another over the head with the undead limbs. The Zombie, suddenly wanting to get away from these two, walks quickly around them, but gets kicked by both of them. He loses his balance and falls over the side into the darkness.

PHYLLIS: "Nice job,imbeciles. We're leaving now, whether you're done humping each other or not."

STEVEN: "It wasn't humping! It was good old fashioned Greco Wrestling!"

AMBER: "Oh, so you were trying to Buttsecks him?"

JOSH: "Hell NO! That was clearly not what we...."

RYO: "Oh, just shut your holes and let's go already!"


The group made their way through some hallways. Phyllis found some Shotgun Parts....well, Kenneth actually found them, but Phyllis pulled his shirt up over his head and by the time he fixed it, the parts were hers. Flip was excited to find a Spark Shot and grabbed it before anyone else could.

THORIN: "What is that thing?"

FLIP: "I don't know...but it must be great! It takes up 2 slots in my inventory."

RYO: "It's called a Spark Shot. Have fun with your piece of crap."

THORIN: "Crap...~LOL~"

FLIP: "Ah, he's just jealous."

After traveling down some more hallways, Luke turns the corner and hunches in pain.

FLIP: "What's wrong,Luke?

LUKE:"My leg! Argh!"

FLIP: "Do you have a Charley horse?"


JOSH: "What's his problem?"

FLIP: "Charley horse."

JOSH: "A what?"

STEVEN: "Charlie horse....a dead leg."

JOSH: "Oh,bit of a chopper,eh? I hate those. Nasty buggers they are."

STEVEN: "I know,right? Nothing's worse than those cramps."

PHYLLIS: "Excuse me?" plain

STEVEN: "Oh, am I in your way?"

PHYLLIS: "No. I'm talking about you claiming that a Charley horse is the worst cramp there is."

AMBER: "That's insane. No way is that the worst."

LUKE: "AHHHH!" cry

STEVEN: "Well, it certainly isn't the best."

PHYLLIS: "Try being a woman for a day."

JOSH: "Oh, that sounds lovely. We could have tea."

STEVEN: "Watch soap operas all day."

JOSH: "And do our nails." batting

STEVEN: "And go shopping at the mall. What else do women do?"

Showing a smile but clearly annoyed at their jokes,Phyllis kicks Steven in the balls. sick

PHYLLIS: "There's that,too."

As Steven goes down,Josh starts to laugh at him. Not wanting to be left out, Amber walks over and punches Josh in the groin. Both girls walk away satisfied as both men throw assorted cockney curses their way. As the girls approach Luke and see him gyrating awkwardly, they question his actions.

AMBER: "Why are you waving your arm around, hunched over like that?"

LUKE: "OOOOWWWW!! Help!!!"

PHYLLIS: "Oh,I overheard the boys,Amber. He has a Charlie horse."

AMBER: "Oh, those suck."

LUKE: "I don't have a F***** Charlie horse!!! AHH! Would you bitches get over here and help me?!"

PHYLLIS: "Tch! Not what that attitude! not_talking I think someone needs to learn manners."

AMBER: "Yea,later for you,Luke." talk_hand

The two girls walk away, leaving Luke to his unknown assailant as Ryo walks over.

RYO: "Luke, what the f*** are you doing?"

LUKE: "Ryo! Help! My leg..."

RYO: "What is it? Do you have a Charl...?

LUKE: "IT'S NOT A F....! ~calms down~ It's not a leg cramp. Ryo....could you just move forward so that the camera angle changes and I can see what's attacking me..... please?"

Ryo walks forward and the camera moves from Luke's lower left side, to high in the upper right side. Zombies have been chomping on his leg. Now that they can see them, Ryo and Luke dispose of the zombies and Luke uses a Mixed Green&Red Herb to deal with the damage. The hallway ends by a ladder.


They climb a ladder and enter the Train Workroom. There are various healing items and ammo,which the group grabs and a file for Ryo. Phyllis uses an Ink Ribbon and saves on the Typewriter. As they leave into the next area, Ryo grabs the Factory Map and they head towards the platform. It and the Train that is on it, are gone.

RYO: "Had to be Ada.....what a bitch!"

When it finally comes back, everybody gets aboard, too busy cursing and grumbling over Ada to notice there is a huge gash in the wall and blood on the floor. Flip finally notices it.

FLIP: "Look, it's blood!

RYO: "I hope it's not Chris' blood!"

AMBER: "Do that again and I'll smack you! The last thing we need is that fat ass Barry showing up here,with his sucky investigating! Besides,Chris isn't even on this adventure!"

CHRIS: ~peeking in from off camera~ "Well, according to this script I am. I got the memo, so here I am, ready for action!"

AMBER: "Aw, no Chris, that's not til later,after the EXtreme Battle Mode."

CHRIS: "Oh,ok. Heh, I guess they picked me because I'm EXTREME!"

KENNETH: "Yea, an extreme tool!"

After Amber kicks Kenneth hard in the shin, she pats Chris on the ass.

AMBER: "Yes you are,honeybuns. Now, run along. ~patting his ass again harder~ We'll see you later."

Chris nods his head and runs off with his shotgun,hopping over a writhing Kenneth on the floor. Amber smiles, staring at his ass as he runs from the Train.

FLIP: "Honeybuns? Why,that's the most ridiculous name I ever..."

Amber,still smiling, flicks out a knife and places it at Flip's throat. Flip quickly changes his tune and nervously starts to wave.

FLIP: "Bye Honeybuns....we'll miss you!"

What awaits our heroes in the next adventure?
Homer still searching for his precious donuts.
Kenneth still whining about ammo.
Can Rob breathe fire?
An Amber musical?
What is the origin of the mysterious Ivy?
Custom Weapons=Custom Craziness!!
Will Mr.T get the G?
More Claire! More Leon! More Madness! More Mayhem!
All that and the fate of a old teammate.
Coming soon in File K!



Ok, UPDATE TIME!!!!! Despite the fact that we have many buttheads that haven't been reading, we're gonna keep going. Their loss. talk_hand Don't worry, you guys will be rewarded, they will suffer consequences,most severe and most foul! devil
I know it was supposed to be up earlier in the week(Sorry Ambs) but the extra time was actually beneficial. A lot got added to it, just in the past day alone. I'm happy with it.

Anyway, a lot of work and planning went into this particular part. Not planned that way, just sorta happened. Besides this one having the most pics, for the first time, I've put in a few audio bits to the fic that will hopefully add to the fun.Just music to help with each scene. Those particular songs just jumped into my head as I was planning/writing the scenes. Hope you enjoy it! cool Speakers on!

----------FILE K----------


As we begin, we see Ryo and Homer standing near an actual bathroom in the train car!

RYO: "Damn!"

HOMER: "What is it,Ryo?"

RYO: "I need Magnum ammo. I've been looking all over for it and now I finally find this toilet. Who puts ammo in a toilet?!"

HOMER: "Oh, so what? A little toilet water won't do any harm."

RYO: "It will when it's full of pee! Who the hell did this?"

HOMER: "Well, don't blame the yellow guy!" not_talking

THORIN: "Oh, that was me, boss."

RYO: "Why did you pee in here?"

THORIN: "I know, what madness! Pee in a toilet? Next thing you know, they'll be putting ice cream in freezers! Listen, I've been running through streets, around a Police Department, into sewers, and out to a factory and this is the first toilet I've seen. There was no way I was going to take my chances and hold it any longer."

RYO: "Well, couldn't you have at least taken the ammo out first?!"

THORIN: "But that would ruin all the fun." mischief

RYO: ~grumble~ frustrated

HOMER: "I'm hungry. Does anyone see any donuts around?" sad

As the platform starts descending, the wall is pierced again by a giant claw. It slices right into Phyllis and she screams and curses before falling to the ground, a red 'Danger!' flashing on her as blood forms all around her. Everybody screams her name and now joins in with the cursing.

JOE: "Phyllis! PHYLLIS!! Can you hear me? C'mon, snap out if it!"

FLIP: "She just got skewered by a giant BOW claw. I don't think she can snap out of that."

RYO: "Ok, now we have to go outside."

THORIN: "What? Outside?"

RYO: "Yes, and the message informs us that we will not be allowed back in until the monster fight is over.....I mean.....for a certain period of time."

JOSH: "Lost your mind, have you?"

STEVEN: "You must think us mad!"

RYO: "It's part of the adventure, we have to or we can't continue. This platform will keep descending into nowhere. See? ~points out the window~ Look, we're not even actually moving, the walls are. Just an illusion until we do what we're supposed to do."

THORIN: "Why those tricky Capcom bastards."

HOMER: "I like it better inside. How bout I stay here and cheer you guys from here?"

JOE: "Come on! Let's go kill this F***** thing!"

The group,except Homer, walks outside and looks around. When they get to a certain spot, a metal bar is thrown at them from the roof of the train. It's the monster. Birkin has again mutated...his face is on his chest and he has grown another monster head. His claws get bigger and a huge eye is on his arm, near his shoulder.

JOE: "Why, you Sonuva...wanna throw s***, eh? Well, how bout I throw you a face full of lead?!"

Joe fires his machinegun and Birkin roars angrily. Everybody else joins in and this annoys and confuses Birkin. He wasn't supposed to be facing this many adversaries. He's holding his own, knocking some of the team down. Homer is sticking his head out of the hole Birkin made on the train.

HOMER: "Get him,guys! Shoot him good! Stupid Monster."

Birkin throws the metal bar at the train, hitting the side with a loud 'BANG!' Homer screams and ducks his head back inside. While the monster is distracted, Thorin sneaks up behind him. The big eye turns and looks at Thorin, noticing him before Birkin does. Thorin waves his hand around making a 'Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk' sound and pokes his finger in the eye. The eye squints shut and Birkin is pissed, swinging his arms around, going to slash Thorin but hitting Kenneth instead. After all the gunfire, Birkin finally falls to the ground and Ryo stops everyone from shooting at him further, so that they don't waste ammo. They quickly head back into the train and to Phyllis' side.

JOE: "Don't die on me,Phyllis! Come on...Wake up.Come ON!!!"

FLIP: "Again,she's not taking a nap. Skewered... claws... remember? I don't think you just 'wake up' from that."

Phyllis isn't responding. Things are bleak. The blips on her health meter are slowly fading out. It looks like it might be the end for our beloved psychopath. Thorin start to cry out loud.

RYO: "I can't believe it. I think she may be gone."

JOE: "No F***** way! We can't lose her!" angry

THORIN: "Boo hoo hoo!!!" cry

TIM: "No! Don't go!"

LUKE: "She was a great teammmate."

SPIKE: "I'm proud to have served with her."

AMBER: "Is there nothing we can do?"

JOE: "Yes! I won't let this happen. I know how I can save her."

TIM: "By stimulating her clitoris? I'll help you."

JOE: "No! Quickly, someone give me a Green,Red and Blue Herb."

~listen to this to for proper audio of the scene. twice if need be.~

Saving Private Phyllis

Sprach Zarathustra starts playing and Joe takes a Green Herb in his hand and then holds to the left,then to the right and then holds it up high for everyone to see, at the dramatic part of the first line of music. As the music slowly builds up, he holds up the Green Herb in his left hand and the Red Herb in the right, slapping them together and mishmoshing his hands around. When the music reaches the peak of the 2nd line of music, there is now a Green&Red Mixed Herb, which he holds up high to show everyone. As the music builds again, he holds the Red&Green Mixed Herb in his left hand and the Blue Herb in the right. Again he mashes them together, flipping his hands all around. When the music reaches its peak, the herbs are all combined together into a Green,Red&Blue Mixed Herb. A collective "Ooooooo" is heard from the group as Joe holds it aloft.

AMBER: "What is it?"

JOE: "I call it.....The Magic Ravioli."

THORIN: "It's so beautiful." ~wiping a tear~

Joe quickly puts the ravioli in Phyllis' mouth and closes it. She chews it and swallows it down in one big gulp. The music is reaching its crescendo as she suddenly opens her eyes,gets up on her feet and raises her shotgun.

JOE: "Welcome back."

RYO: "Are you ok,Phyllis?"

PHYLLIS: "Never better......... Let's go,boys. ~cocks her shotgun~ We've got Zombies to kill."

The music reaches its peak as the group cheers an enthusiastic "YEAH!!!!" and they all run after her, following her out of the train, into Umbrella's secret labs.


Unfortunately, when they ran in, there was nothing to fight. The place was dark and empty. Joe and Phyllis went to check the place out while the rest of the group followed Ryo into the Safe Room. Leon was there, holding an injured Ada's hand, while she was lying down on a bed. Rob and Sara were also there.

LUKE: "We made that dramatic entrance for nothing."

FLIP: "Maybe we can wait in the train until some Zombies come. Then Phyllis can say her line again and then we'll come running back out."

RYO: "There's no time for that,Flip."

ROB: "It's about time you guys got here."

SARA: "Yea, what took you so long?"

LEON: "Take it easy. We're in Umbrella's secret lab."

FLIP: "Considering how many of us are here, I would hardly call it a secret now."

LEON: "I'll go find something to treat that wound, so rest here in the meantime."

ADA: "I'll only slow you down with my injury. yourself."

FLIP: "Makes sense."

HOMER: "Sounds good to me. Let's go."

MARK: "Bye Ada."

LEON: "Knock it off,all of you! Don't worry,Ada. It's my job to look after you."

FLIP: "She has a huge gash and is still bleeding while you're talking. You suck at your job."

AMBER: "There are herbs and sprays everywhere, and this imbecile is going to run around looking for something else."

ADA: "'ll be in Danger if you stay with me. I know... I've only known you,for a short period of time...but I really enjoy being with you."

LEON: "...I...."

RYO: "Well said,Leon. You're a smooth operator."

HOMER: "What's with all the mushy stuff? Are there any donuts here?"

STEVEN: "I think it's rather touching. Better than a soap opera."

JOSH: "Yea, go on...say some more."

ADA: "I know....I'm not capable of caring about anyone, but...I don't want to lose you."

LEON: "We're leaving this place together."

RYO: "Welllll...."

AMBER: "Shhh! Spoilers." shhh

LEON: "Wait here, I'll be right back."

Josh and Steven blow their noses and start clapping.

AMBER: "Oh, stop it, you pansies!"

Suddenly the power to the lab comes on and a loud hum is heard.

RYO: "Ok people, looks like they made progress. Get ready to roll when they get back."

As Leon runs out the door, Joe,Phyllis, Claire and Sherry come running in. Leon sees a regular door loading screen at first, but then sees a bunch of people coming at him the opposite way. When the loading finishes, Leon is knocked back into the room. As he stumbles, Thorin is rolling head over heels and bumps into the back of Leon's legs, causing him to fall down and get stepped on by Joe and Phyllis.

JOE: "Ok, I found the Main Fuse."

PHYLLIS: "And I inserted it into the socket."

SPIKE: "~hearty laugh~ Main Fuse in the socket,eh? Is that what you kids are calling it these days?" ~nudges Joe~ wink

JOE: ~confused~ "Eh,the power is on."

PHYLLIS: "Still some locked doors though."

LEON: "What the hell are you doing?"

THORIN: "Ryo tells me to roll, I roll."

RYO: "~LOL~ That's actually kind of funny,Thorin."

JOE: "Whoa, didn't see you down there,Leon."

Joe helps Leon up, who has a very unhappy face on and even more footprints on his body. The officer dusts himself off and leaves again, this time cautiously loading out.

CLAIRE: "Listen, it may be dangerous out there. I want you to stay here, Sherry. Here, you hang onto my jacket for me. Wait for me to come back, don't wander off."

SHERRY: "But your jacket..."

CLAIRE: "That's Okay, you keep it. I'm sure it will keep you safe. Wait here for me, okay? I'm going back to look for your mom."

SHERRY: "Thanks Claire. Even though I'm an only child, neither of my parents spent much time with me...because of their work. But now that you're with me I finally have someone to rely upon."

HOMER: "Oh,so what?. My parents didn't spend time with me either. They just parked me in front of a television set all day. You don't hear me complaining! I turned out just TV."

CLAIRE: "Aw,Sherry. Just ignore the stupid yellow man. I'm here for you."

RYO: "Don't worry,Claire...she'll be fine. We'll post some people here to watch over them. wait here, Sherry. We'll be right back."

Everybody loads up on ammo and herbs and then loads out into the Train area, where the situation is discussed. Rob,Sara, Spike,Tim, Steven and Josh are chosen to stay here and watch over Sherry and the injured Ada.

RYO: "Now that,that is settled, we must head into the Labs."

LUKE: "Which way do we go? The elevator?"

RYO: "No, that's only activated during an emergency."

FLIP: "Isn't this emergency enough?"

RYO: "No, it has to be explosion worthy."

DC: "Now, you're bound to face lots of Zombies and probably some Lickers as well. I can direct you through the lab."

JOE: "I know the way. We have to head down the ladder by the pussy plant."

LUKE: "Pussy plant?"

DC: "It's not actually called that."

JOE: "Tch,sorry. I meant the ~makes finger quotes~ vagina plant."

DC: ~sighs~ "It's just a giant plant."

JOE: "Have you taken a look at this thing,doc? Have you ever had a good look at a woman? Without her clothes? It's a jolly green giant vagina plant, that's what it is!" PICS/d60ad040.jpg

THORIN: "Ho, Ho, Ho!"

HOMER: "Hmmmmm, I like the sound of that!"

LUKE: "I must admit, I'm curious."

RYO: "Let's go see!"

As they head towards their destination, eager to see this vaginal wonder of nature, Homer feels his stomach growl and grabs it, complaining out loud about the situation.

HOMER: "Oh man,I need food. I'm so hungry."

LUKE: "I'm not."

HOMER: "How could you not be hungry after not eating all night?"

LUKE: "Hey DC, can you come here a minute?"

DC comes walking over with a very large centipede hanging out of his mouth as he chews loudly with horrible crunching sounds.

DC: "Yef?"

LUKE: "Oh,never mind. I think Homer figured it out."

DC nods and walks away as Homer turns and hurls cartoonish chunks.


The group leaves and Steven and Josh get to talking, before heading back to the Safe Room. They notice Rob has his Godzilla head on and he has now added a fake tail, using green herbs for spines. He is walking around with wide stance steps, stomping his feet each time he takes a step. He starts singing a theme song to support himself.

ROB: "Up from the depths....Thirty stories high...."

SARA: "Rob, What are you doing?"

ROB: "I am Godzilla. I'm preparing for the big fight."

SPIKE: "Godzilla? Have you been using those herbs the wrong way? This ain't Tokyo,Rob."

ROB: "....Breathing Fire....his head in the sky!"

STEVEN: "You can't breathe fire, you bloody imbecile!! You're a Man!"

ROB: "Do not speak to me that way! I'm Godzilla, damnit!!!"

SARA: "I think you might need help,Rob."

Insulted, Rob storms off into the Safe Room. The rest shake their heads as they discuss their situation.

STEVEN: "Well....stuck with babysitting duty. Ain't that a bitch?"

JOSH: "Yes, she is...I mean first the tram, then the train..."

STEVEN: "It's an expression,you twat. I'm not talkin about the skirt!"

SPIKE: "You really are a cockney little sod,Josh."

JOSH: "Well, how'm I supposed to know he means an expression? He's always talking gibberish."

STEVEN: "You couldn't even spell gibberish."

JOSH: "F*** you."

STEVEN: "Anyway, ...."

Steven quickly turns around in all directions, making sure they were all gone and that no one was around.

STEVEN: "I was going to say, well,speaking of bitches, least we didn't get stuck with butchy Claire. Ugh, I can't stand her! Her with the ~acting girly~ 'Oh, I'm so great, I'm here because of my brother. I'm going to check out the area. Does anyone wanna come help?' Oh, F*** off,you wanker! No one gives a s*** and you or your big shot brother."

SPIKE: "Why does she bug you so much? She seems awfully nice to me. Pretty too."

STEVEN: ~makes a gag sound~ "Oh, you must be daft! Are you liquored up? I couldn't be drunk enough to find her pleasing. Pretty? I've seen prettier faces on a dog. Running around, thinking she's all that. I was forced to take a bullet for that hag! Can you believe it? And does Claire thank me? No, not a word of thanks do I get. We ought to toss her ass into the sewer where she belongs." grin

SPIKE: "Joe...."

STEVEN: "Yes,him too! That stupid clod! Always defending her honour. As if she had something worth honouring in the first place. Can you imagine those two together? They'd probably arm wrestle each other for fun. What a pair of brutish bozos. ~LOL~"

Suddenly a loud,one note guitar twang is heard and it echoes in the air. Steven freezes and is afraid to turn around. Spike,Josh and Sara are gritting their teeth, staring behind him. Sporting a nervous smile, he looks at his British buddies and utters in a nervous tone, almost expecting the inevitable.

STEVEN: "He's right behind me,isn't he?" grin

The note is heard again, as the camera pans back. Joe is in fact, standing behind Steven, teeth clenched, eyebrows lowered, face curled in an angry scowl. Steven slowly waves good bye and his smile turns into a frightened frown. grin happy plain worried It isn't hard to predict what happens next....

The next scene edits in suddenly in a harsh cut. Joe has Steven pressed against the wall with his left hand, as his right hand holds a blow torch inches away from his face.

JOE: "You've insulted Claire for the LAST time, Steven!!! It's time for you to SEE THE LIGHT!!!!"

STEVEN: "AHHH!!! My Eyebrows!!!"

Everybody comes running back to get Joe.

RYO: "Joe, you're going to kill him! You're scaring him so much his hair is turning blue!"

THORIN: "Burn the smurf!"

JOE: "Repent Steven! SEE the F***** LIGHT, you blue haired Sonuva...."

RYO: "JOE!!!!!"

Joe stops for a moment and Ryo grabs the torch out of his hand and gives him a slap across the face to snap him out of it.

RYO: "Now get back to the, to the giant plant!"

JOE: ~grumbles~ "Ok! .....Alright!"

RYO: "Steven, go with the others."

Steven walks away,his eyebrows still smoking. Thorin,waiting by the door, notices Steven and cannot resist making a remark.

THORIN: "~LOL~ Your eyebrows are really smurfed up!"

STEVEN: "Shut up,Thorin."

Steven leaves. As Joe is walking back, Amber is smirking and playfully teases him.

AMBER: "Nice work. You know, can Punish me anytime."

JOE: "Oh really?" raised_brow

AMBER: " ~LOL~ I didn't even realize I made a Pun."

THORIN: "Well, he is The Pun-isher,after all."

JOE: "~LOL~ I laughed at that harder than I probably should have."

THORIN: "Thank you,Joe. I'm here all week."

JOE: "So,Amber...I can still do it?"

AMBER: "Uh huh." ~smiling~ mischief

JOE: "Well shall we punish you?" ~smiling~ mischief

AMBER: "I don't long as it involves my clothes being ripped off and you smacking my ass!" ~leaning closer~ drooling

JOE: "That can be arranged,you sexy little minx!" ~moving closer~ drooling

THORIN: "They're gonna DO it!!!" dancing

The two of them are grinning at each other like a couple of idiots when Ryo comes running in to separate them.

RYO: "No! NO! Stop it,you two! Get away!" ~shoves Joe and pushes Amber back~

JOE: "What? I was just..."

RYO: "Yea, you were just....just getting your ass to that plant like I told you to! Now, move!"

Joe grumbles and leaves with Thorin. Ryo turns back to Amber.

RYO: "And you! I thought we had this discussion before."

AMBER: "What?! We weren't doing anything, just talking!"

RYO: "Yea...talking...flirting....then laughing, then kissing, then raping, then the END OF THE F****** WORLD!!!!"

AMBER: "Oh, would you stop exaggerating."

RYO: "No! There is something weird in the cosmos with you and him. Anytime you guys act funny, something bad happens. I don't know what it is, but this should not happen."

AMBER: "Ryo, we're friends, we were just kidding around. Stop making a big deal out of..."

RYO: "Just stay away from him,Amber,that's an order! You are forbidden to flirt or fornicate with that friend, any further!"

Ryo holds his index finger up and makes a stern face at her. Amber just folds her arms and scrunches her face at him as he leaves. Sara comes over after seeing everything that just went on.

AMBER: "Order my ass! Who does he think he is? If I want to get with Joe, I will."

SARA: "Gee Amber, I didn't know you thought of him like that."

AMBER: "I don't! I mean....not really. I don't know. It's weird because my head gets so hazy around him sometimes. Like I can't help it."

SARA: "Yea, I sorta felt that too. Really strange."

AMBER: "But now that Ryo has Forbidden me to do it, I suddenly want to even more! I'll Forbiddenly F*** Joe's brains out if I want to! That'll show Ryo! Order me around will he?!"

SARA: "Uh,Amber?"

AMBER: "~voice getting louder~ I'm going to have sex with whoever I want to! He can't tell me what to do! ~screaming~ I'LL F*** EVERY DAMN GUY IN THIS PLACE IF I WANT TO!!!!"

The background music suddenly stops and every male,of every kind,of every place in this adventure, suddenly peeks in the room from all angles, including the ceiling, at Amber. The girls look around, all shocked and nervous at first, but calmer when the Lickers start giving Amber a beat, clapping their claws two times, then once, in a repetitive manner. The Zombie males start crooning as Lesley Gore 60's music starts to play. Two Zombie girls suddenly step out behind Amber as back up dancers. They all start going into a well choreographed dance routine even though it was never practiced. After a few twirls and arms swings, Amber starts to sing in defiance to Ryo,with her left hand on her shaking hips and pointing with her right index finger with the Zombie girls swaying side to side behind her,arms out.

~Here is a musical cue for an audio aid,just to get an idea of the tempo of the song this is based on. Unlike the previous one,this is listened before reading not during, because the arrangement is not 100% exact. ~

It's Amber's Body pics/b4ec70f1.jpg

AMBER: "Playing with yourself, is...just no fun.
I'm a fan, of the one on onnnne.
I've got the strawberries, you bring the grapes.
Then get ready baby, cuz you gonna get raped! wink

It's My Body and I'll F*** if I want to!
F*** who I want to!
F*** where I want toooo!....
I'm gonna do it and there's nothing you CAN do!!!!"

3 Ivy plants come on stage and the girls go into a strip tease burlesque show. The Ivy move their flowery parts to cover up their naughty bits, even though there are growls and demands to show more. Amber smiles, moves front and center and continues....

~moves her hands along her stomach~
AMBER: "All this a-tten-tion,is get-ting me wet.
I'll go down you like a sunnnnnn-set.
Tear my clothes off, throw me on the bed.
You can eat me ouuuuut, while I give you head.

It's My Body and I'll F*** if I want to!
F*** who I want to!
F*** where I want toooo!....
I'm gonna do it and there's nothing you CAN do!!!!"

During the bridge, 3 Lickers extend their tongues upward and the girls use them as stripper poles,rubbing on them and swinging around. pics/72ddbe1c.jpg

Amber comes off of it and slowly walks to the front with a smile. She starts singing and mocking Ryo's finger point.

AMBER: "Ryo tells me, to be good all the time.
Well he can shove it where the sun don't shine. talk_hand
Hearing this song, may seem like a shock.
But what can I say-ay? I just love the cock!

It's My Body and I'll F*** if I want to! ~puts her right index finger in her curled up left hand~
F*** who I want to! ~points to the audience~
F*** where I want tooo! ~moves both hands over her head~
I'm gonna do it and there's nothing you CAN dooooooo!!!!

Ohhhh-Ohhhhhh!!! ~caresses her breasts~
It's My Body and I'll F*** if I want to!
F*** who I want to!
F*** where I want tooo!....
I'm gonna do it and there's nothing you CAN dooooooo!!!!
~thrusts her hips to the final beats~

Suddenly the place erupts into roaring cheers and applause. One Zombie's arm falls off, so he leans down and claps the hand on the floor. Monsters roar approvingly and Amber is smiling, loving all the attention, taking bows.

AMBER: "I'm so full of Glee!" grin

It's all fun until the door opens and Ryo comes storming back in. He picks Amber up over his shoulder and she starts hitting his back, kicking her legs defiantly. Ryo tells everybody to get back to their places, shoving the male members of the party back outside. After they're gone, Sara shrugs her shoulders to the monsters and listens to their unhappy groans as they leave, with Sara heading back into the Safe Room with the others.


At the Main Shaft, there are 2 walkways, one colored Blue and one colored Red. The blue one was where Joe and Phyllis found The Fuse. Although there were other rooms there, they were inaccessible right now, so the group headed down the red walkway. They come to a Shutter and when it is opened, 2 large plant like creatures get up and the group attacks them with gunfire. Numerous shooting goes on and they kill them both but not before Homer is whacked in the ass by part of the plant. He angrily empties a clip on the now fully dead creature.

HOMER: "Stupid plant!"

RYO: "Plant people now?! What else did you sick Umbrella scientists create with your twisted experiments?"

DC: "It appears to be Ivy. I've never seen these things before in my life. They aren't part of any Umbrella experiment, I can assure you that."

RYO: "Um....DC? You have a little ....something...."

Ryo motions to DC that something is on his face,trying to get him to clean it. DC wipes the left side of his face and looks at Ryo, but Ryo shakes his head. The scientist turns showing the right side and we can see a large centipede leg sticking in his teeth. He wipes off his cheek,then looks at Ryo,who stares blankly.

RYO: "Uhhhh, got it."

LUKE: "So how did these plants get created,doctor?"

DC studies the bodies and comes to only one possible conclusion.

DC: "They were made recently....and they were man made."

RYO: "What?!"

LUKE: "How can that be?"

FLIP: "What are you saying?"

DC: "What I'm saying is, It appears someone implanted their dna into the giant plant!"

MARK: "Sick horny humans, yes precious,that's what they are."

RYO: "Somebody F***** the plant?!?"

DC: "Precisely....and these humanoid plants are the result of that. Since this place contains only Zombies, it had to be someone in this group!"

~dun Dun DUN!!!~

After the dramatic music fades, everybody turns and looks at Joe.

JOE: "What? Whattya lookin at me for?! Oh, sure... anytime something goes wrong, just blame the dog! Well,it wasn't me!"

RYO: "He's right, I don't think it could've been him. He's been with us the whole time.... that is, most of the time."

THORIN: "So doc, what do we do?"

DC: "Well,there's only one way to find out. First I'm going to have to run some tests, collect samples from everybody. It's going to take me some time,a few hours at least. Then it's a matter of cross checking the samples with these samples and see who is the match."

Suddenly a small Ivy comes wandering in,causing everybody to jump.

DC: "Don't attack. Let's see what it does."

The little Ivy moves slowly down the hall, moving between the party. It seems to notice something and starts gliding slowly towards Phyllis. Without warning, it lashes out a tendril towards her, just missing her but knocking something from her inventory.

PHYLLIS: "Why, you son of a.."

Phyllis goes to aim her shotgun but DC stops her.

DC: "Wait Phyllis! Look!"

The item the Ivy hit was a skateboard.

PHYLLIS: "Holy s***! You mean I was still carrying that around since Outbreak? What a waste of a spot!"

The Ivy slowly moves up to the skateboard and hops on it. The plant pushes itself down the hallway, flips the board in the air and lands perfectly, as it skates down the hall out of sight. Without a word spoken, everybody slowly turns to look at Tim, who is casually looking at the ceiling.

TIM: "Heh heh, Nice architecture they have in this place." whistling

RYO: "I don't think we're gonna need those tests,doc." plain

PHYLLIS: "Tim!" raised_brow

TIM: "W...Wha.....I mean...come ON! It's a Vagina Plant for f**** sake! How could I not?"

LUKE: "My mind will never be the same after this adventure."

HOMER: "Fern F***er!"

DC: "It's an Ivy."

HOMER: "Oh, same difference!"

TIM: "What was I supposed to do?!"

FLIP: "Not f*** the plant?"

TIM: "I'm the Love Machine! I was going to love something before this damn adventure was over! Besides, it asked me nicely? "

RYO: "It.....asked you?"

TIM: "Sure, after I came in through the door. When I went to use the ladder."

FLIP: "How did you...? I mean, how could you possibly..?!"

Flip waves his hand and doesn't even wait for an answer. They all shake their heads and head to the ladder.

TIM: "Hey! You know what they say, be nice to Mother Nature! I couldn't help it! I was charmed by her feminine ways!"


Trying to get that image out of their heads, the team heads down into the labs. As they walk down a hallway, a Licker blasts through a vent in the ceiling,causing everybody to jump. Screams and gunfire ensue.

RYO: "We're really running out of clean clothes."

After killing off the other Lickers, they see a big door to the right but they need an MO Disc to open it. Further down the hall, they enter a Monitor Room. Tons of screens are in this room...and a Typewriter and Item Chest. After using both, they head through another door. This eventually leads to the Main Laboratory. Inside Ryo uses the Weapon Box Key and finds the Magnum Parts which he uses to create the Custom Magnum. There are Zombies around but the fight is brief, mainly because of Ryo showing off his new weapon. As they get the Lab Key Card, two Zombies walk towards Ryo. He pulls the trigger and both their heads are blasted to pieces in one shot.

RYO: "OH YEAH!!! That's what I'm talkin about!! Custom Magnum, BITCHES!!!" grin

As they go to leave, they notice Homer eating something off the small table.

AMBER: "Homer, what are you eating?" confused

HOMER: "Mffbmumble. MMMMM... Donut." ~chomp~

AMBER: "What the F***?! That....that's an intestine!!!" sick

HOMER: "Mmmm.... intestine donut." ~chewing~

After slapping the s*** out of Homer and getting him to stop eating disgusting non pastry items, they leave the room to head to the opposite side.

Searching the other side, they encounter a computer room with a Giant Moth fighting Leon. Ryo shoots the Moth, punching huge holes in it. Meanwhile Leon is on the floor, trying to ask for a Blue Herb but they're ignoring him.

RYO: "Ok, here's the computer. Now we register as Guest and place a thumb for fingerprinting."

THORIN: "I'll do it." mischief

RYO: "Oh....sure,why not. Go ahead Thorin."

THORIN: "Wait a minute. It says I can't reach the computer."

AMBER: "What? Why? You're tall enough."

THORIN: "These larvae are in the way."

RYO: "Can't you just brush them off?"

THORIN: "No,I'm afraid not. Looks like I'll have to shoot them."

RYO: "In the meantime, does anyone need anything?"

LEON: "Blue..."

RYO: "What's wrong with you,Leon? You're turning blue? OMG! Are you mutating into a blueberry?! Did Willy Wonka do this?"

AMBER: "You mean Willy Wonka is real?"

JOE: "Come with meeeeeee,and you'll beeeee, in a WORRRRRLD of pure ima-gi-na-tion."

PHYLLIS: "Stop that! Before you get that damn song in my head!"

RYO: "Sure he's real! We saw him on TV! Remember,with that Charlie kid? Apparently he works for Umbrella, according to Leon here."

HOMER: "Stupid Willy Wonka. Ohhhhh, but now I want a candy donut." sad

THORIN: "I can't wait to see the mutated Oompa Loompas."

LEON: "~gasp~ ...herb."

RYO: "Herb? Who's that, an accomplice?"

JOE: "He must be like his Arthur Slugworth."

LEON: "Poi...son."

RYO: "Phyllis, write all that down. Willy Wonka,aided by a man named Herb, plan to destroy Raccoon City with poisoned chocolate. Maybe he caused this outbreak? Maybe the T-Virus is passed....THROUGH THE CHOCOLATE! Yes...the golden ticket. This is it!"

JOE: "That's right! You needed a ticket to get into his "Secret Lab." Right? Ticket starts with T. And you know what else does? T-Virus!"

PHYLLIS: "But Annette said something about Rats carrying the virus, from the fight with Birkin."

RYO: "Why, that's ridiculous! They don't even have pockets!"

AMBER: "I know! That is what I said to her!"

PHYLLIS: "Maybe Wonka is connected to Birkin. Like partners or something."

RYO: "Holy smokes. You're RIGHT,Phyllis! Good job!"

Phyllis smiles,proud of herself and continues jotting all this stuff down.

RYO: "What was Birkin working on? The G-Virus. His secret prized possession. What was Wonka's big secret?"

THORIN: "Oh! I know! The everlasting gobstopper!"

RYO: "EXACTLY! Think about it....Gobstopper! G! G-F*****-Virus! We're blowing this case WIDE open!"

THORIN: "Plus, Wonka was played by Gene Wilder. Another G!"

RYO: "Why that bastard,Gene. I liked his movies,too! I should've seen this coming. The purple coat...the G-Virus is purple.It all adds up!"

JOE: "We need to put a stop to this. Blow this F****r's operation to bits!"

RYO: "That's what we're gonna do. It's time to kill the candy man!"

Suddenly,Leon lunges up and grabs Ryo,pulling him down to his gasping face.

LEON: "Moth! ~gasp~ Poi-son! ~wheeze~ ME!"

RYO: "Oh,poison from a moth? Is that all? Then why the hell are you worrying us with some crazy ass T-Virus Chocolate Factory theory? Someone give the rookie a Blue Herb."

Thorin uses his gun and shoots all the larvae off. Miraculously, despite all that gunfire, the computer and keyboard are fine. After they take care of Leon, a beep is heard and Thorin rejoins the group.

THORIN: "Ok, I'm done. Let's go." whistling


Not thinking anything of it, they listen to Thorin and head back up the ladder to open the locked doors in the Blue Hallway section, with the Lab Key Card. Leon now joins with the exploring. Joe sees something and taps Phyllis.

JOE: "Hey, how come you're still carrying the Shotgun Parts? Shouldn't you connect them, to save a slot and have a more powerful weapon?"

PHYLLIS: "S***! That's right,I forgot! Thanks for reminding me though."

Phyllis connects all the pieces and now she has the Custom Shotgun!

KENNETH: "You crook! That should've been mine. If I had just moved a little faster,if I wasn't so distracted, and if I wasn't wearing a shirt two sizes too big, I would've had it."

PHYLLIS: "Yea, yea...and if the Queen had balls, she'd be King. Quit your bellyaching before I give you a new basketball sized asshole courtesy of my new Custom Shotgun!" devil

KENNETH: "I don't need this! Next time I'm going with Barry."

PHYLLIS: "~LOL~ Yea...Barry. See how well you do with him."

KENNETH: "Barry is a good man."

AMBER: "Barry is a stupid sack of s***!!! Can we please stop saying his damn name?! "

Suddenly a door opens and a bunch of really eerie looking Zombies come out. They are much more deteriorated, with less skin and clothing, than the rest.

RYO: "Damn...there's a whole bunch of them! The stuff we need is this way, but they're blocking our escape route. We've already lost a lot of time, this will slow us down even further!"

PHYLLIS: "You guys go, I'll take care of them. Now go! "

RYO: "Phyllis... Are you sure? There's a lot of them."

PHYLLIS: "Just go! I can take care of them." ~runs~

LEON: "Phyllis, wait!!!"

The door closes on Leon and won't open for him. Ryo and the rest run off as Phyllis has her shotgun ready. The Zombies lumber forward at her, groaning loud with their arms raised.

PHYLLIS: "COME and get it,boys!....~cocks the weapon hard~ Momma's got a brand new Shotgun!"

Phyllis fires at the first one and almost the entire top half of the Zombie becomes obliterated. The next two lumber forward and she fires at them, blowing off arms and legs like twigs. After she's done, there are Zombie limbs everywhere. Phyllis laughs at all the carnage she's caused with her kick ass upgraded weapon. After they are all dead, the door opens again and Leon comes running back to Phyllis.

LEON: "Phyllis! Running off like that was reckless and stupid! Those Zombies are everywhere!"

PHYLLIS: "Why, yes Leon...they are. There's an arm there, there's a leg there, there's a head there behind you and Whoops! There's blood all over your shoes."

LEON: "Damnit! ~cleaning them off~ That's not what I meant. Look Phyllis, as an officer itís my job to look out for you. But weíre not going to get through this alive if we donít work together."

PHYLLIS: "Look out for me? Oh, Leon...~tapping his face a few times~ You're kinda cute when you're dumb. Ok, look out for me. Doing a great job." ~gives him a sarcastic thumbs up as she walks away~

LEON: "No one ever listens to me." sad


Later on, the group enters the Monitor Room and sees Claire in there. She's checking some of the cameras and sees Leon running around by the Power Room.

CLAIRE: "Leon! We made it!"

LEON: "Claire? Is that you? Where are you?"

Claire starts laughing as others grab the mic.

FLIP: "No, it's not Claire,it's the voices in your head."

THORIN: "Bang you head against the wall,Leon! It's the only way!"

LEON: "Who is that?"

CLAIRE: "I can see you on the monitor. Never mind about that now, Leon. You have to go back and get Sherry, I left her in the security office, please you must save her."

LEON: "Wait a second...."


LEON: "Geeze! Ok! What about you, where are you going?"

CLAIRE: "I've got something else to take care of. I'm counting on you."

HOMER: "Yea! Don't screw it up again,LEE-on!"

LEON: "Claire! Wait!"

FLIP: "She's already gone,chief."

LEON: "Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me?"

FLIP: "What was that,Leon?"

LEON: "I said, Why doesn't anyone ever...." ~CLICK~

Leon gets disconnected as Flip shuts off the monitor.

PHYLLIS: "That was mean, Flip"

FLIP: "I know."

They both start laughing and Claire leaves. After everybody else gathers ammo and herbs, they head back to the Safe Room. As they walk in, they see Steven's hands about to touch the sleeping Ada's breasts.

PHYLLIS: "STEVEN! What do you think you are doing?!"

STEVEN: "Oh! You're back! Heh heh. grin Wasn't doing anything. There was some miniscule debris on her, so I was just dusting her off."

PHYLLIS: "You're going to be biting the dust if you try that again."

STEVEN: "What!? She was dusty!"

Stuff is put into and taken out of the chest. Claire has come back to check on Sherry and make sure everything is ok. After doing so, she leaves with the others, as they plan their next moves. After plans are made, Ryo smiles and moves closer to Claire, trying to be suave.

CLAIRE: "Stupid Leon. Where is he? He is supposed to be looking after her!"

RYO: "Yea, he kind of sucks at that."

CLAIRE: "Are you ok? Do you have enough ammo?"

RYO: "Sure Claire,thank you for your concern. I don't have to worry about ammo however, since I have this!" ~shows her his sword~

CLAIRE: "I thought weapons like that weren't allowed in this series."

RYO: "Bah! Who cares what that idiot Mikami or anyone else thinks! talk_hand I am the Highlander! I have to have a sword!"

CLAIRE: "Isn't that a movie character?"

RYO: "There can be only one,Claire! Only one! And I am that one. Perhaps a demonstration, to convince you?" pics/RyOwned2.jpg

Ryo smiles and holds out his sword, for Claire to see. She nods, acknowledging it with a nervous smile. He then holds up an apple between the index finger and thumb of his left hand. Ryo starts to show off, looking at Claire, when he should be looking at the sword. He tosses the apple into the air and swings the sword downward. It slices the apple in half....

and also cuts Flip's ear off. severed big huge cut off.jpg

The air becomes filled with a loud scream of agony. Ryo nervously puts the sword behind his back and motions Flip to shush. Flip clasps a hand to his wound and continues to scream.

CLAIRE: "Oh my God!!!"

With blood everywhere,Flip has his hand against his head, while running around screaming. Claire, freaking out at the chaos, runs rapidly in the opposite direction. Ryo acts quickly..... reaching down and holding half of the apple in the air.

RYO: "Wait, Claire...Look! The apple is cut in two, Claire. The APPLE is CUT in TWO!!!!"

Flip runs to Steven, who offers to help. Steven reaches down around his stomach and digs his finger in. He soon produces thread which he keeps pulling out of his stomach.

LUKE: "What the f*** is that?!"

STEVEN: "Oh, this? It's from an old sewing accident. Don't worry Flip ol chap, I've got plenty of thread in there. I'll have you stitched up in no time!"

LUKE: "What are you, a twisted magician?"

Flip instead runs to Phyllis and Amber, holding his ear in his left hand, hoping they'll help.

PHYLLIS: "Ugh! That's disgusting! I'm not touching that!"

AMBER: "Ew! Gross! Get it away from me!"

Amber hits Flip's hand and the ear goes flying. Flip screams and runs to catch it but it lands on Homer's arm. Homer screams and starts running around, screaming to get it off of him. He frantically flaps his arm around and the ear flies up into the air again, before coming down on top of Luke's head. Clearly annoyed over the whole situation and everyone's reactions, Luke carefully takes the ear off of the top of his head,wiping off the blood. After he does, he watches Flip run around in a circle, hoping someone will help. Luke finally does, knocking him down and holding the ear to Flip's head while spraying it with a First Aid spray. The ear becomes attached again and Flip is as good as new, back to Green Fine status. Flip moves to the other side of the group. Partnering up with Joe and Phyllis doesn't seem so bad after all.

MARK: ~singing~ "La La, my precious. You are, my precious."

Ryo, clearly annoyed his performance did not impress Claire, was in no mood for crap.

RYO: "Gimme that stupid thing!" ~snatching the Unicorn Medal from Mark~

MARK: "AAAHHHH!!! My precious! He stole our birthday present! Give it back to us!"

RYO: "Oh,shut up. I'm tired of your nonsense. Fawning over a stupid medal. You get ahold of your senses and behave like a man!!!"

MARK: "But we wants it, we wants it!"

RYO: "Well, you're not gonna gets it! So,shut up and sit down!"

MARK: "Nasty old Ryo...We hates him! FOREVER!!!"

Mark goes whimpering to the back of the group.


Later on, we see Joe checking some of the area on the other side. He decides to go to meet up with the others at the end, in the Sleeping Quarters. Once there, he finds out they found a User Registration Memo, a LAB KEY CARD and a LAB SECURITY MANUAL. Amber is sitting on the couch with an annoyed face on.

JOE: "What's wrong,Amber?"

AMBER: "This's so damn frustrating. We found a really cool weapon and I can't even use it!"

JOE: "What? Why?"

AMBER: "The rules state that only a guy can use the Flamethrower. That's such bulls***! I mean, you have a really cool weapon, Phyllis, Ryo, everybody does."

KENNETH: "I don't!"

AMBER: "I'm talking about important people, stupid! I....I just wanted to have a really cool weapon of my own." sad

FLIP: "What happened to your Grenade Launcher?"

AMBER: "Bah! That's not powerful. It sucks anyway. You shoot the grenade and it explodes like 5 feet in front of you. Based on the size of the explosion, they might as well call it a Firecracker Launcher. Oh well, now I guess I'll just have to use....Handgun Bullets." ~sniff~

Joe takes the Flamethrower and answers Yes when asked if he wants it. Joe looks around at the guys and then turns back to a sniffling Amber.

JOE: "Here Amber....I want you to have it."

AMBER: " You want ME to have it?!" shock

JOE: "Sure Amber...screw the rules. I have good weapons already. And since I own the Flamethrower, I can do with it as I choose....and I choose to give it to you." happy

AMBER: "I love you,you sweet bastard." love

JOE: "Hehheh. blush Well, whattya say,Ambs? Will you take this Flamethrower?"

AMBER: "I do!"

JOE: "I now pronounce you, Thrower and Throwee."

Amber watches as Joe puts the backpack on her body, helping her arms through the straps. She starts shaking nervously, feeling the weight on her back now. Her face flushed, she looks down at her palms, as Joe lightly places the nozzle in her trembling hands. As her hands clasp around the Flamethrower, she looks up while her head is still mostly facing down,her lips curled in a sinister grin and a dangerous look is in her eyes. devil She lifts her head up towards the ceiling and lets out a loud gremlin giggle and runs from the room at full speed.

FLIP: "Uhhhhh, I'm not so sure that was a good idea, Joe."

JOE: "Nonsense. Did you see how happy she was? That was the perfect medicine to cheer her up. She'll be fine."

Suddenly the door opens and Homer comes loading in screaming, with his ass on fire.


Homer runs and sits his ass in a bucket of water creating a loud fizzle sound, as he lets out a big sigh.

THORIN: "Amburned!!!"

JOE: "Ok, so she played one prank. It's no big deal."

HOMER: "No big deal?! Tell that to my barbequed ass cheeks!"


We check back at the Safe Room area. Rob is once again stomping around the area by the train, his herb tail, swaying to and fro. He stomps back towards the Safe Room when he hears some groans. ZOMBIES! Where did they come from? They were blocking the way to safety. Damn! Rob realizes he left his guns in the room. No one else is out here with Rob. He wasn't sure what to do. He starts to run towards the Main Fuse area, but stops. How does this look, him running from a fight? You don't see Godzilla running away in battle, do you? Of course not. How could he even think it? He would be a disgrace to the head. He would not be worthy of the name. No...he must stay and fight!

Rob turns and faces the 3 Zombies. He has his game face on. He is going to show these Zombies. He will show EVERYone! He is Godzilla! He is the King! He just needs to believe in himself. Rob has to believe! Believe, Rob, believe! The Zombies groan louder as they close in on him. He is standing his ground. Rob clenches his fists and breathes in deep, filling his lungs with air. He closes his eyes and concentrates, as he exhales as hard as he can, breathing with such force that his feet come off the ground! A whoosh is heard and when Rob could breathe no more, he starts coughing. He opens his eyes and suddenly sees the three Zombies burned to a crisp! shock Rob looks at the charred remains with astonishment and a shocked face.

ROB: "I.....I did it. I REALLY did it! I believed in myself and I did it! I breathed FIRE!!! I'm so AWESOME!!!"

Rob is so proud of himself, he fails to see Amber is standing behind him with the Flamethrower. She shakes her head at Rob's delirium and leaves. Rob starts stomping around excitedly with quicker,harder steps.

ROB: "Breathing fire! His head in the sky!!! Robzilla! Robzilla!!!!!!!" grin

Sometime later, after Amber has not returned, the rest of the group decides they better check on her and see where she is. When they go through the doors to head to the ladder by the vagina plant, a torrent of flame bursts in high, during the loading screen. When they load in, they see the plant on fire. Amber is shooting the Flamethrower at it, screaming her F***** brains out.

AMBER: "FIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~shoots fire stream~
FIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~shoots again~
FIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~shoots again~

Everybody has to crouch low due to the flames. Joe and Flip move towards Amber to get the damn weapon out of her hands before they all blow up. They finally succeed but Amber is still laughing, in a maniacal state. The others are using fire extinguishers, trying to lessen the damage this sick bitch has caused.

FLIP: "Yes Joe...that was a great idea. Just give the Flamethrower to the F****** PYROMANIAC!!!! Brilliant!"

SPIKE: ~pops in~ "Guinness? Someone has beer?"

FLIP: "Uh,no Spike, I was just saying that word as a sarcastic reference to Joe."

SPIKE:~sighs~ "Well, don't do that to my taste buds, lad! It's criminal! I thought I was going to be able to use my cool hat again. ~smells~ Why does it smell like baked vagina in here?"


Ryo and DC come back and lead the group back to the Main Fuse. They go down the Blue walkway and eventually end up in the East Area. Ryo checked out the Vaccine Research Room and comes back with Magnum Bullets and gave the MO Disk to Joe to hold onto. Leon is there about to try and open the door, but it needs two guests to open. Meanwhile Mark sits indian style, talking to himself and plotting,pulling clumps of his hair out.

MARK: "They are nasty,my precioussss. Cruel Mr. Ryo takes away our present. We must gets it back, Marksie... yes we must. But there's too many of them. We must think. THINK Marksie! We must find a way to get the pretty unicorn back. Aaaaaa. He might help. YESSSS, HE might help us! Help us get the precious. We musn't tell them, precious. We must let them think the way is safe. Be patient. Be patient. Soon Marksie...... ssssssoon."

LEON: "Have you guys registered in the computer room?"

RYO: "Yes, Thorin did."

LEON: "Ok, great. All you have to do is place your finger on the machine and then it'll open."

THORIN: "Finger?"

LEON: "Yes, you know, when you registered. I am Guest 2, so you go first."

RYO: "Leon, figured out a way out of here yet?"

LEON: "No, but I'll keep checking. Claire said she found a way."

RYO: "Well, that's because Claire is awesome. Don't you think so,Leon?"

LEON: "Well....yes but..."

RYO: "She's F***** Awesome,Leon! Her butt and all!"

LEON: "Ok, right now though,I need to concentrate on Ada!"

RYO: "Oh, Ada your ass!"

As Ryo and Leon keep talking, behind them we see the back of Thorin as he faces the machine. He looks over his shoulder at the others and then leans forward. There's a beep and green light showing, letting him know he was successful. Now it was Leon's turn."

THORIN: "It's all yours,Leon."

Leon walks up and puts his finger on it and it beeps and accepts him.

LEON: "That grid felt kind of weird....moist and grimy. Did you notice that when you placed your finger?"

THORIN: "I didn't use my finger. I used my penis." tongue

LEON: "You registered your penis as a guest on the computer?!"

THORIN: "It's a VIP." mischief

LEON: "And then you let me touch the glass after you've had your genitals on it?"

THORIN: "Yes. You touched my peepee." laugh

LEON: "Let's ....just move along." tired

Leon sighs, cleaning his hands with some anti-bacterial fluid as they all enter a small lab. They see a few Lickers but these look different. They are sporting red capes with a big S on the back.

RYO: "The Super Lickers! Fire!"

JOE: "I gotcha Kryptonite right HEAH, Motha F..." ~bratatatatatat~

Gunfire and tonguefire are exchanged and although it takes a little longer, eventually the monsters die. Joe notices a dead Hunter in the corner of the room.

JOE: "Well, looks like that debate is answered."

Joe turns around and sees a Machine Gun on a dead Umbrella soldier's body. He quickly runs over and grabs it.

LEON: "Oh, come ON!!! You guys took everything! I need to have a good weapon. I Heard about all the sharing the RPD officers are known for. Well, not you guys apparently! Did you know I went to the armory? Do you know what I found when I went there? There was a ripped open box of bullets. That's it! No side pack, no Machinegun, Nothing! We're supposed to share! "

THORIN: "Share, share, underwear."

FLIP: "Why are you worried about weapons? Weren't you supposed to find Ada something for her injuries and come right back like an hr ago?"

LEON: "Ada! You're right! I forgot! Ada! I have to haul Ada right now back to the Safe Room....before I get my Ada kicked."

After ignoring Leon, they leave the room to head back, with the scientist leading the way, past the Main Fuse.

DC: "Ok everybody. Easy going from here on out. All we have to do is get to the train and start her up and I know a secret,secret short cut we can use. After we use the Emergency Elevator, we're as good as gone."

ALL: "Hooray!"

DC: "Now just follow me and we can..."

Before he can finish, he is yanked up off the floor. By the time everybody realizes, he is webbed up, high above the floor, in the clutches of a giant spider.

RYO: "DC!!"

LUKE: "Damn."

THORIN: "A giant spider has him!"

The Umbrella employee weakly holds up his hand to correct him.

DC: "It's a......Theraphosidae... Tarantula."

The spider grabs him hard and pulls him out of sight.

RYO: "Wait! Which way is the shortcut? Damnit! I guess we'll just have to do this the regular way. Let me break out all the maps and everybody gather round for a meeting."

Hearing that causes loud groans from everybody. Ryo of course adds his displeasure to theirs and the complaining goes back and forth. That is until Mark gets everybody's attention with a startling revelation.

MARK: "It's ok everybody. I know the way! DC told me. Mark listened and remembered. Follow good Marksie. He will show you the way out!"

LUKE: "Good job,Mark. Lead the way."

RYO: "Now, hold maps."

AMBER: "Oh,F*** your maps! Go ahead Mark, we're right behind you."

RYO: "Ok, we'll follow....but I lead the following!"

ANNETTE: "No one is going ANYwhere."

Everybody turns around to see Annette Birkin standing behind them with her gun raised.

PHYLLIS: "Annette! Wait!"

TIM: "Well,look who it is. 'Ello Annette, Fancy a F***?"

ANNETTE: "What? How DARE you?! I'm going to kill you once and for all!"

Before Annette gets the chance to however, the whole area rumbles and a pipe comes loose, hitting Annette and knocking her unconscious. Tim walks over to her and puts a hand on her head.

TIM: "What a shame. Although even unconscious you look good enough to shag." thinking

PHYLLIS: "Timothy! Leave her be. You've done enough F****** for one day. Time to go!"

TIM: "Oh, all right. 'Fraid it's going to have to wait til 'nother time, love."

Tim touches Annette's hair and picks up the Master Key, as he leaves.


The group leaves Annette and stops at the Safe Room before moving on. They see Leon looking around frantically.

RYO: "What is it,Leon?"

LEON: "Ada! She's gone! Sherry too! Claire asked me to look out for her."

FLIP: "I see you're still doing a fine job of that. Points for consistency."

LEON: "When she finds out Sherry is missing..."

FLIP: "She's going to have your sherry in a vise?"

LEON: "I have to go find them." ~runs off~

JOE: "What were you idiots doing? How did they get by you guys?"

STEVEN: "Well, Josh called me a fud."

JOSH: "And Steven called me a floop."

STEVEN: "So, we started brawling and..."

JOE: "Never mind. Where the heck is Sara?"

JOSH: "Uhhhh.."

JOE: "Forget it, let's go."

MARK: "Yes! Yes, no time to waste. Follow good Marksie. He knows the way."

Everybody else follows Mark as he heads to the elevator, heading down to B1. After moving through the Lab Corridor, they end up in the Power Room. Claire is there trying to help Sherry. The Mr.T Tyrant is there and he seems to be going after the little girl, arching a large fist up over her. Sherry runs away just as he lunges down and smashes a machine, causing sparks to start shooting around.

RYO: "This isn't the way out."

MR.T: "Gimme the G,Chump!"

MARK: "Get them! Get them T! Smash them to bits so we can have the precious!"

FLIP: "Et tu,Markte?"

JOE: "Why you double crossing, lying son of a ...."

Joe kicks Mark and he yelps as he runs into a corner.

MR.T: "Uhhhh! Don't do drugs...."

CLAIRE: "Sherry!"

MR.T: "Argh! Stay in school!"

JOE: "Protect Sherry. Let's get this Mohawked Moron!"

MR.T: "Hey Claire.Why don't you come over here. I'll show you what a real man is."

Claire and Amber start hitting him with Acid grenades,but he's still moving.

MR.T: "ARGH!! Mo-Hawk GreNADES!!!"

SHERRY: "Help me,Claire!"

MR.T: "I PITY the fool that has the G-Virus!!!!"

CLAIRE: "The monster's after your pendant, THROW it to me!"

Sherry takes it off and throws it over the monster's head to her. Mr.T changes direction and heads for Claire. Claire tells her she did good and to run. Sherry hides in a chute.

CLAIRE: "As for you, come and get it! I've got what you want! Come ON!!!"

MR.T: "I ain't got time for Jibba Jabba. Gimme the G!!!"

CLAIRE: "Here, this is what your looking for,right? Fine, then go...GET it!"

Claire throws the pendant hard, and it heads in slow motion, over the balcony. Suddenly,slow motion ends when a big black hand grabs the pendant out of the air and Mr.T stands there with a nasty scowl on his face, finally accomplishing his task. Everybody stands there for a moment, a bit dumbfounded over what just happened.

FLIP: "Uh, boss man? Is this supposed to happen?"

RYO: "No..... No! Wait a minute....this is all wrong!"

Ryo takes out his book and starts to page through files and notes.

MR.T: "I'm about ta bring the PAIN! Pain on all you punks! You mess with the T, you end up DEAD!!! A whole pack of FOOLS who are gonna get pity!"

Just as things couldn't get worse, Mark runs out of the corner and bites Ryo on the hand. Ryo yells and fights with Mark. Mark grabs the Unicorn Medal but Ryo won't give it up easily. There is a struggle and Ryo yanks back hard as they both fall to the floor. As they hit, they lose their grip on the Unicorn Medal and it rolls under the Tyrant. Mark, in a frenzied state, gets up and runs to get the medal. As he does, he rams into the Tyrant's leg, which causes T to lose his balance. Mr.T falls backward through the railing and plummets head first into the Iron smelting pool below.

MARK: "AHAHAHA!!!! My PRECIOUS! It's back and it's all MINE!!!" pics/gollumracist.gif

MARK: ~singing~ "La, La, The Precious! I have my Precious!"

Mark starts to do a victory dance but slips on some of Mr.T's jewelry that fell on the platform. Mark screams and falls down into the smelting pool,disappearing with his precious medal.

CLAIRE: "Suckers!"

Lightning sparks start flickering all over the machine that Mr.T hit and an automated woman's voice comes over the loudspeaker.

VOICE: "The self destruct sequence has been activated. Repeat! The self destruct sequence has been activated. This sequence may not be aborted. All employees proceed to the emergency car at the bottom platform."

Everybody runs out the exit and doesn't even check for Sherry. After they do, we get a scene of the smelting pool. All seems calm....then a gnarled hand with large claws comes out of the pool and slams on the dry walkway. Then another hand, bit by bit until the whole body comes out of the pool. As the camera pans upward, we see a black skinned Mark with gold eyes and a gold unicorn horn protruding from the mohawk on his head. He clenches his fists and speaks in a deep inhuman voice.

MR.SUPER.T.MARK: "Yes,we are back, preciousssssss. Now we're going to kill those suckas. Kill Them ALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Will our heroes make it out in time?
Will everybody get out safely?
Super.T.Mark, Birkin, Be There or Be Square.
Not that you'll actually change into a geometric shape if you don't,
but you will be a dumb smelly doofus.
See what happens with Claire,Leon,Sherry,Ada and our beloved Psycho Squad,in the final installment, Coming Soon!!!



Uh, when I said "Tomorrow" I meant on the 4th moon of Jupiter.... which roughly translates to Jan I'm right on sched. whistling

Anyway, We'll begin the new year with the end of an epic. As in epically long f***** time to finish. worried Anyway, think of it as a belated stocking stuffer because this one is a bit more stuffed than I thought it was going to be. Hope you enjoy... and comment!

------------FILE L------------

'Game Over....Big Guy!'

AUTOMATED WOMAN: "All employees proceed to the bottom platform."

Our group has split up. Sara and Thorin are missing, so Phyllis went to look for Thorin, while Joe and Luke went to find Sara. Ryo addresses the rest of the group after dealing with the Mr.T Tyrant and Mark. They are right by the open shaft in the middle of the Lab. Ryo walks towards the railing, where the shaft is and turns around to face the group.

RYO: "Ok, listen up gang. I know we've just been through a tough battle and we just lost a teammate... duplicitous SOB though he may have been. Our morale may be down a bit. Nervous jitters about what might be next. But I promise long as we stick together, pick each other up, watch each other's backs and follow my maps, Nothing....nothing we come across will surprise us."

As Ryo finishes his inspiring speech, an asian woman falls down the shaft behind him.

FLIP: "Ada Wong,nine o'clock."

RYO: "What? Where?" ~turns around~

FLIP: "Well, now she's six o'clock."

Everybody moves to the railing and sees the woman falling.

RYO: "How do you know that's Ada?"

~in the distance~ LEON: "AAAADUHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

FLIP: "Told you."

Suddenly a man with dirty blonde hair,wearing sunglasses, leaps from the side and catches her in mid air, landing on the other side.

AMBER: "Wait a minute....Weskie? THAT WAS WESKIE!!!" shock

KENNETH: "Oh, here we go. Amber's delusions coming forth again."

AMBER: "I'm telling you, that was HIM!!!! What's he doing with that two bit tramp?" angry

RYO: "Now don't be silly,Amber. He's dead. I know it was hard to accept, how you may think you see him, but you have to get past that."

AMBER: "I know what I saw. I'd recognize that ass anywhere."

KENNETH: "Sure, right Amber. Super Wesker,back from the dead!! This bitch is crazy. I say we take her back to the nut house."

RYO: "Amber's mind does seem to be playing tricks on her lately."

AMBER: "You guys are IDIOTS! Wesker is Back!" frustrated

RYO: "Nevermind that. The most important thing we have to do, before we escape, is find that damn G-Virus and destroy it! Luckily you guys have me leading the way. I have keen senses for things like this."

AUTOMATED WOMAN: "All employees proceed to the bottom platform."

Everybody laughs at Amber and moves her along as she angrily tries to stop them from pushing,her sneakers squeaking against the floor the whole way. A few seconds later, a vial comes flying down the shaft behind them.

After traveling up,down, and all around, Phyllis finally finds Thorin, a few floors below everyone else..

AUTOMATED WOMAN: "All employees proceed to the bottom platform."

PHYLLIS: "Thorin, where have you been?"

THORIN: "Looking for a place to go to the bathroom."

PHYLLIS: "You had to come all the way down here to go to the bathroom?!"

THORIN: "Well, there are no toilets in the Labs either. One damn toilet and they put it on the Train? Homer was in there....a long time! Must have been something he ate. I wasn't going to make it waiting for him, so I figured the sewer area would be better. "

PHYLLIS: "Ridiculous. Let's go already."

Phyllis runs and Thorin is about 20 feet behind her. Phyllis turns a corner and Thorin goes to follow, but when he gets to the corner, something slams into him and he falls down on his ass. Phyllis sees the collision and comes back.

HUNK: "Agh! Why don't you watch where the F*** you're going?!"

THORIN: "OW! Sorry about that. I didn't know anyone else was around."

HUNK: "Damnit."

The mysterious gas mask wearing stranger gets up and coughs, walking in the opposite direction. Phyllis stares at him with suspiciously squinted eyes. She turns away for a moment, rubbing her chin as she looks at the floor, then snaps back in his direction, eyes wide open. The man starts to walk briskly when Phyllis points and shouts in his direction.

PHYLLIS: "Hold it right there!!! Stay where you are!"

Hunk stops in his tracks and freezes. Has his mission has been compromised? He slowly reaches into his shirt to where his Magnum is holstered. He can hear the woman walking closer.

PHYLLIS: "Did you think I wouldn't notice? Did you think I was just going to let you run off.....?"

She made him. Mission critical. Hunk cocks the hammer back, ready to swing around and fire.

PHYLLIS: "...without this?"

Hunk turns to his left where the woman is standing. She is holding a vial of purple liquid....and handing it to him.

PHYLLIS: "You dropped your cough medicine. You need to be more careful. What kind of agent would I be, if I didn't spot things like this and get them back to their proper owners?"

Hunk moves his hand from the gun and makes a kind hand gesture to Phyllis, nodding in a slight bow and speaking in a cool, bad ass voice from underneath the mask.

HUNK: "Much obliged,Miss. I'll be ~fake cough~ more careful in the future."

The man tucks the G-Virus vial safely away in his pocket and runs away.

Phyllis waves and smiles, acting like a girl scout who did a good deed.


PHYLLIS: "THORIN! Shut yo mouth!!!"

THORIN: "I'm just talkin bout Hunk!"

AUTOMATED WOMAN: "All employees proceed to the bottom platform."


Meanwhile, Joe and Luke were searching all over for Sara,with no success. On a hunch, Joe decides to check the Moth room, knowing it has a computer. Sure enough, Sara is there.

AUTOMATED WOMAN: "All employees proceed to the bottom platform."

JOE: "Sara! What are you doing? We've been looking all over for you!"

SARA: "Sorry, I was bored being cooped up with an injured hooker, a mouthy brat and 3 idiots. So I decided to find someplace to go online. I knew Umbrella had to have a computer somewhere."

JOE: "Ok, but we have to go. Don't you hear the self destruct sequence has been activated?"

SARA: "I can't leave now. I'm right in the middle of a Minesweeper tournament. I'm playing against this guy, Mitsukai Hawke. I have 106 wins and I'm one game away from the record!"

LUKE: "Sara...this is no time for games. We have to go ...NOW!"

Luke shuts off the computer and Sara inhales loudly in a shocked gasp. shock

SARA: "You ...shut my GAME!?!?! Do you have ANY idea how long that took me to achieve?!? I WAS GOING FOR THE RECORD!!!!!"

LUKE: "I,uh..."

SARA: "Are you OUT of your FU***** MIND you stuffy shirt, bald headed son of a....AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

JOE: "Easy Sara.....his intentions were good."

SARA: "Good? GOOD?! I'll tell you what will be good. Bashing him over the skull with my flute. Then stabbing him, over and over and over and over, watching the floor turn a crimson red, until a river of blood flows down the hallway. That, THAT will be justice!!!!! That will be acceptable because my intentions are GOOD!!!!"

JOE: "I'll handle it from here,Luke. It's ok,Sara, I got you. Just come with me. I have some nice pretty pills for you. It will take you to the Happy Place."

SARA: "Happy place?....Yay! I like the Happy Place." happy ~takes a pill from Joe's hand~

JOE: "Atta girl. Come on,now. Just walk with me."

Joe puts his left arm around Sara, leading her calmly away as she smiles, shaking slightly.

SARA: "But I'm the won't be safe until I find all the mines! Not for you, not for ANYone!"

JOE: "It's ok,Sara. You did good. You cleared enough for us to escape."

LUKE: "I'm sorry,Sara. I mean, it's just a game."


Sara starts wiggling as Joe tries to restrain her, screaming and foaming at the mouth. Luke actually jumps back scared and Joe quickly ushers her from the room, giving her another pill.

JOE: "Stay with me,Sara....Remember,happy place, HAPPY PLACE!!!"

SARA: ~calming down,dribbling~ "Happy Place. Yay....Happy Place. Can I have cookies there?"

JOE: "Yes, you can have cookies,Sara. Just keep following me. That's it."

AUTOMATED WOMAN: "All employees proceed to the bottom platform."


AUTOMATED WOMAN: "All employees proceed to the bottom platform."

As the three pass through the Monitor Room, they meet up with Flip, Steven and Josh. Joe lets them know they'll be leaving soon, though the emergency door. They notice Leon on one of the monitors. Steven gets on the microphone and makes a loud monster sound which makes Leon jump and pull out his gun, aiming it in all directions. The guys all start laughing and tease Leon some more.

STEVEN: "What a wanker. You actually almost s**** yourself over that, didn't you?"

LEON: "Who is that?"

JOSH: "It's your Owners!"

STEVEN: "Owners? That's the best you can come up with, ya twit?"

JOSH: "What? Like.... I Owned him!"

LEON: "Uh, I could use a little help here."

STEVEN: "You probably would like to own him,you silly little ponce."

LEON: "Hello? Can you use the monitors to help me find a safe way out?"

JOSH: "No I wouldn't! You take that back."

STEVEN: "Oh please, it's written all over you! I think from now on, your new name is 'Posh'. "

JOE: "~LOL~ Posh. You're a Spice bitch."

JOSH: "Shut up!"

The guys start laughing and Josh is clearly annoyed,trying to defend himself.

LEON: "Is anybody listening?"

STEVEN: "Yes. That was your secret admirer,Leon."

JOSH: "I am not!"

LEON: "Very funny, guys."

Feeling hot and itchy, Leon starts scratching the side of his nose with his finger.

FLIP: "Leon! Stop picking your nose."

The guys start laughing and Leon can hear them as he quickly tries to clarify the issue.

LEON: "I wasn't doing that, I was just scratching the side of my nose, see?"

Leon is trying to clearly demonstrate his actions but the guys won't believe him.

FLIP: "Sure you were,Leon. Don't you have any tissues?"

LEON: "I wasn't PICKING! It wasn't a pick! Just help me out here!"

ALL: "Leon is groooooossss! Leon is groooooooossss!"

The chanting continues as a frustrated Leon runs off screen and out of the room, to get away from the needless taunting. Claire comes in and the chanting stops. Steven quickly moves to the back of the group and away from Joe.

JOE: "Claire!"

CLAIRE: "Hey."

JOE: "Might I say, you look lovely."

CLAIRE: "Thank you. We don't have time for pleasantries though. We need to find a way out."

JOE: "Already found one. I have an MO Disk. We're just meeting them upstairs and then we can leave."

Claire contacts Leon through the radio.

CLAIRE: "That's good news. Leon, you're still there? We're leaving."

LEON: "Are you crazy! This place is still crawling with zombies!"

CLAIRE: "It'll be all right. We found an exit. Make sure you meet us there."

LEON: "What? What exit? Where?"

CLAIRE: "Hurry up,Leon!!! You're wasting time! Go find Sherry and meet us by the exit!!!"

LEON: "Where's Sherry? Where is the exit? Claire! Wait!" ~click~

JOE: "What a maroon. You're probably better off looking for her yourself, Claire. I'll keep an eye out for her too. We'll search this level and you take the level above. We'll meet by the door down here."

CLAIRE: "Right. Thank you,Joe....for caring. You've been a big help." PICS/5e22b4ec.jpg

Claire leans over and kisses Joe on the cheek. She gives him a quick smile and wink before she runs off to look for Sherry. Joe is a bit shocked but slowly smiles and starts dancing like a goofball, ecstatic over Claire's peck.

JOE: "Oh, YEAHHHHH!!!! You heard that? I'm a BIG help!!!!!! Wooooooo!"

Joe starts swaying around and does a spin, bashing Flip in the head with his MachineGun.

FLIP: "OWWWW!!!! Watch it,ya BIG doof!"

Undeterred, Joe keeps swinging his arms around while Flip rubs the red welt on his head. Before they leave, they head to the Item Box, to stock up.

JOE: "Ok, I got another 100% clip for my gun......Steven?"

STEVEN: "I didn't say anything!!! Claire is nice!" worried

JOE: "I know that. I meant do you need any ammo or anything?"

STEVEN: "Er, uh....yes?"

JOE: "Ok, here ya go,buddy." ~tosses him some ammo boxes~

STEVEN: "Thanks Joe." happy

JOE: "What about you?"

JOSH: "Me? Well, I want..."

JOE: "Tell me what you want, what you really,really want?"

STEVEN: "Yes,tell us what you want, what you really, really want."

JOSH: "I want a...."

JOE: "Huh?"

JOSH: "I want a...."

STEVEN: "Huh?"

JOSH: "I want a...."

LUKE: "Huh?"

JOSH: "I want a...."

SARA: "Huh?"

JOSH: "I want a...."

FLIP: "Really, really, really wanna zig a zig, ah?"

Josh, finally getting a clue as to what they are doing, gets annoyed and starts cursing them again.

JOSH: "You guys are assholes!"

JOE: "Oh, pipe down, CaPosh! Everybody grab some supplies and let's go."

AUTOMATED WOMAN: "All employees proceed to the bottom platform."

Everybody meets outside the Safe Room by the Train and then gets ready to leave from there. Ignoring the repeating warning, Phyllis pulls on Joe's shirt and stops him before he leaves with the others.

AUTOMATED WOMAN: "All employees proceed to the bottom platform."

JOE: "What is it,Phyllis?"

PHYLLIS: "We can't leave yet. We have to have sex."

JOE: "What?! Are you psychotic?"

PHYLLIS: raised_brow

JOE: "Right.Dumb question."

PHYLLIS: "It says right here in the BE guidelines, Phyllis has sex every adventure." ~shows him the pamphlet~

JOE: "Wait a minute. We already did."

PHYLLIS: "Uh uh.No we didn't"

JOE: "What about the RPD? What do you call that?"

PHYLLIS: "That wasn't sex, that was 'Fun Time for Phyllis'. Now I'm talking the real deal.... Sex."

JOE: "Are you related to Bill Clinton?"

PHYLLIS: "No more jokes. Let's go."

JOE: "But I don't have a condom."

PHYLLIS: "What happened to your emergency one that you keep in the hidden pocket of your wallet?"

JOE: "Thorin found it and made a balloon animal out of it." frustrated

PHYLLIS: "Well, we can just use the bed in the Safe Room."

JOE: "How is that protection?" confused

PHYLLIS: "Duh!!! It's called the 'Safe Room'. Nothing bad happens there."

JOE: "This is crazy! Didn't you hear what the woman said? We have like 10 minutes til detonation!"

PHYLLIS: "So? This is a pressure situation and you're tense. I know how you are when you're tense. We should still have 9 and 1/2 minutes to escape after we're done."

JOE: "Oh, right. Hehheh." blush

AUTOMATED WOMAN: "All employees proceed to the bottom platform."

Joe and Phyllis go into the vacated Safe Room. Meanwhile,Ryo and the rest are waiting by the platform. Spike and Tim notice confetti and streamers from Amber's dance routine, wondering where it came from. Thorin comes in, on his way back from another bathroom break. Suddenly, he gets cut off from the others. A few Ivy plants block Thorin's path. One slithers slowly towards him and reaches out it's leafy tendril arms. Rather than attacking, Thorin tries a different approach.

THORIN: "Hey baby.....wanna get fertilized?" mischief

Because it was not Tim, the Ivy hisses and gasses Thorin, then bites his head off.

RYO: "They killed Thorin! You bastards!!!!!"

Everybody fires at the plants. With all their powerful weaponry, the plants don't last long. The prodigy of Tim, have been destroyed. They all give a moment of silence for their fallen comrade. Ryo suggests they carry his body to the Main Fuse area. The men salute him by tossing his body down the shaft and urinating over the railing.

RYO: "To Thorin!"

MEN: "To Thorin!!!!"

RYO: "Now let's get the F*** out of here."

AUTOMATED WOMAN: "All employees proceed to the bottom platform."

Thinking Joe already left with his group, Ryo leaves with Amber, Homer, Steven, Josh, Spike and Tim down the elevator and they meet up with Leon.


Joe and Phyllis are seen coming out of the Safe Room,buttoning up and zippering closed.They look around but Ryo and the others are gone. Others come into the area, wondering what's going on. With the countdown going on, Joe decides they can't wait and that the others must have left already.

AUTOMATED WOMAN: "All employees proceed to the bottom platform."

PHYLLIS: "Where the hell did everyone go?"

JOE: "Who knows? I'm not waiting around to find out. Let's get the f*** outta here."

ROB: "Joe, you had to see me before. I really am Godzilla."

JOE: "Yeah, I know. Whatever you say,Rob."

ROB: "No,really! I can breathe fire and everything!"

FLIP: "Move it,Rob."

ROB: "I am Godzilla!"

KENNETH: "You're not even Jet Jaguar."

ROB: "Well,Jet Jaguar is awesome too!"

KENNETH: "No he isn't. Especially the part where he changes size! Jet Jaguar is the worst character in Godzilla history. I mean, his head is a f***** conch-shell!"

ROB: "Do not desecrate Jet Jaguar!" angry

KENNETH: "I'll even defecate Jet Jaguar."

PHYLLIS: "That doesn't even make any sense. You're going to pass a giant robot through your ass? You're an idiot."

JOE: "Will you guys Shut the F*** up! Much as I'd love to have a Godzilla debate, we don't have time. Move your asses!"

AUTOMATED WOMAN: "All employees proceed to the bottom platform."

Joe leaves with Phyllis, Flip, Sara, Luke, Kenneth and Rob. Claire shows up with Sherry and leaves with the group. At first everybody runs together, then they notice Sherry is missing. They find her crouched on the floor behind them. As they get closer, she gets up and runs with them again. Soon, she does it again, crouching down and making everybody run back for her. They finally stick Flip and Kenneth in the back, and they kick Sherry in the ass, every time she tries to stop, so that she keeps up. Problem solved.

They all head down the Vagina Plant ladder and go by the locked door. They fight off some more Zombies along the way and Joe remarks about the music.

JOE: "Man, I loved the music before, but this theme kicks ass too!"

CLAIRE: "I can't believe Leon never showed up to get you, Sherry."

SHERRY: "Claire? Why does Leon suck?"

CLAIRE: "Men sometimes do,Sherry. You'll learn that soon enough."

AUTOMATED WOMAN: "All employees proceed to the bottom platform."

JOE: "Ok, bitch! We heard ya the first 100 times! We're going, we're going!!!"

Joe bops his head to the music as he inserts the MO Disk and the door to their right, opens. They run down a hallway to another door. The place is rumbling and small pieces of concrete start to crumble and fall. Once they enter the room, another automated woman's voice delivers another message.

AUTOMATED WOMAN2: "Five minutes until your asses are blown to pieces."

Now even more frazzled, they end up by the Platform Elevator. They are told that it is 'A huge lift to reach the platform.Will you activate it?'

LUKE: "No, we're just gonna sit here and jerk each other off. Of COURSE we'll activate it!!!"

KENNETH: "Phyllis can jerk me off."

PHYLLIS: ~stroking her shotgun~ "How bout if I jerk this off in your face?!"

Joe pushes the button, answering 'yes' to activate it and they all wait right in front of the elevator door. Slow beeps indicate it getting closer, one floor at a time.

FLIP: "Could it BE any slower?"

PHYLLIS: "Really. Hurry the F*** up damnit!"

AUTOMATED WOMAN: "All employees proceed to the bottom platform."

JOE: "We're tryin, Bitch!"

Joe starts pushing the elevator button like a maniac, as if that will make it come faster. Suddenly we get a floor camera view of the ceiling. They hear pounding above and see small clouds of dust and dirt starting to fall. The pounding continues but instead of running for cover,weapons drawn, the group just slowwwwwly backs away, staring up at the loosening ceiling plate. Eventually, the plate smashes into pieces and the Birkin monster jumps through. He now has 4 arms and teeth protruding from his chest, in this new mutated form. He slashes at the group, deadlier than before. Everybody fires at him and in a matter of seconds, he roars and falls to the floor. Again, the group starts celebrating,with taunts of "Oh yeah!" and "Birkin the bitch!" underestimating their foe. This time however, Birkin mutates again, roaring and growing. He now has four legs,four large eyes on each leg and large teeth protruding from his gaping maw. He starts leaping around the place, faster than before. Ammo is unloaded but it is tough going this time around,as Birkin is giving them a hard,bloody fight.

PHYLLIS: "This 'dog' form is a pain in the ass."

LUKE: "Yes. It appears we celebrated too soon."

JOE: "Plus it's hard to concentrate with this dumb opera bitch singing! What is this horrible music?! It was great up until now!"

AUTOMATED WOMAN: "All employees proceed to the bottom platform."

PHYLLIS: "Ok, I really want to strangle her now."

SHERRY: "Claire?"

CLAIRE: "Sherry, stay close to me!"

PHYLLIS: "Don't worry,Claire. We'll protect you guys."

FLIP: "I'll handle this! I've been saving it for this moment. Feel the fury of the Spark Shot!!!"

Flip steps out and pulls the trigger and a short fizzle comes out. Flip tries again and hears a snap,crackle,pop! with a short spark shot out. Birkin gets mad, grabs Flip in his mouth and flings him across the room. The fight continues as more ammo is unloaded and some of them are bitten and tossed around like dolls. There are rows of large red capsules on each side of the room and the group runs around them as Birkin gives chase, sometimes hopping on top of them. Finally, just about everybody hides behind one of the rows of capsules. A bloodied Flip soon joins them.

JOE: "Phyllis, I'm almost out of ammo."

PHYLLIS: "You too?"

KENNETH: "Good, you'll be like me then. I didn't even have any at all when we came in here!" plain

FLIP: "Stupid Spark piece of s*** shot!" tired

SARA: "Look at the pretty flowers! Happy Place,yay!"

ROB: "Don't worry guys, Robzilla will handle this."

Rob walks right in the middle as the Birkin dog approaches. He inhales hard and breathes out harder. Nothing happens....Rob tries again....same result. The monster roars and begins to chase Rob as he runs as fast as he can, stopping every so often making loud "Pooh! Pooh!" sounds as he tries in vain to breathe fire.

ROB: "POOH! ~wheeze~ POOH! ~cough~"

The chase continues. Joe and company are crouching at the end of one of the rows of tubes, just in front of the elevator. Meanwhile, in the background, we can see Rob running, pooh poohing, Birking biting him and flinging him against the wall, Rob getting up,Birkin smacking him back onto the floor, Rob getting up and repeating the process.

JOE: "I don't know what we are going to do. All I have left is the Flamethrower.... and after Amber's insane escapade, there's only 2% left!"

LUKE: "Again with the stupid percentages?"

PHYLLIS: "There's not much else we can do,Joe. Might as well just use it. After that, I guess we'll just have to bash the monster with Kenneth."

Rob tries to breathe fire again but the monster slashes him and flings him against the wall. Joe stands up with the Flamethrower, knowing it will be futile.

JOE: "Move Rob! You're in the way again!"

Birkin heads towards Joe and the group behind him. Joe uses the last 2% as it makes a Puff! Puff! sound before emptying and strangely enough, it works! A cutscene begins and shows Birkin roaring and falling into a bloody pile.

JOE: "Holy Crap! That was so cool! I can't believe it ended on our last stand like that."

The elevator finally comes and the group quickly enters the lift, watching as it takes them down many floors.

AUTOMATED WOMAN: "All employees proceed to the bottom platform."


Ryo and company have found the train and saved at a Typewriter in one of the cars. After finding a Joint S Plug and Joint N Plug they are about to enter them into a panel. The ground is shaking and it looks like lava is bubbling around the platform they are on. Small explosions and fire are everywhere. They know they have to get out soon before the place explodes. One plug is entered but suddenly they both fly in at the same time! The lights go out and the Super.T.Mark Tyrant shows up, roaring and on fire. He looks right at Ryo....

MR.SUPER.T.MARK: "Hey Boy!!!......You gonna die!"

Bullets and slashes are exchanged. Leon fires his hand gun at it and the Tyrant hits him in the stomach making him keel over and fall down. Just as Leon tries to get up, Mark gives him a super kick in the ass. pics/5afb245b.jpg

MR.SUPER.T.MARK: "Yes precious.Kill them all."

RYO: "The only thing that's gonna get killed, is the noise! Coming from your mouth!"

Numerous bullets are fired. Finally,after the Tyrant takes enough damage, a cut scene occurs. A woman in the shadows above, yells, "Use THIS!" and throws down a Rocket Launcher.

LEON: "Ada?"

Steven runs over and grabs it, grinning as he sets up for the kill.

STEVEN: "Say Good Night, Mincer!!!!"

Steven pulls the trigger but unfortunately it's facing the wrong way. A rocket fires out of the back and hits Josh, exploding him into pieces. Steven turns around and sees the mess, only able to say one word.

STEVEN: "Oops."

The Tyrant lunges forward and stabs Tim through the chest, with the unicorn horn. The creature lifts its head up and roars victoriously, flinging Tim roughly to the ground. Fading away, Tim goes down only thinking one thought.

TIM: "My.......shirt!"

Spike gets slashed and knocked over the railing. As he loses his grip, he says his farewell.

SPIKE: "Farewell my love, so long my Guinness."

Spike pets his hat and falls into the fire. Homer,who is screaming and running around, gets stabbed. A loud "Doh!" is heard as he gets flung into the fire which causes him to run around screaming again. Amber, impressed that he is surrounded by fire, runs up and hugs him and they both get incinerated.

LEON: "Ada!"

RYO: "Amber! Ok, ya know what? This isn't going well. I say we 'Cut!' and try this again."

The last file is reloaded and we're back at the scene. A woman in the shadows above, yells, "Use THIS!" and throws down a Rocket Launcher. Unfortunately, Amber runs right underneath its trajectory and gets crushed by the launcher. A rocket gets dislodged upon impact and it fires right into Josh, exploding him into pieces. Leon shoots his handgun. The Tyrant gets pissed and jabs both hands into Leon, sticking him with 8 claws! Leon the pin cushion falls to the floor. A death scene is shown and the Tyrant is slashing the s*** out of Leon as he screams. 'You Are Dead' comes on the screen.

RYO: "That does it, you traitor. It is time for me to end you!"

After a few clangs of sword to claw, Ryo gets skewered and his sword broken in half.

MR.SUPER.T.MARK: "Looks like I'M 'The One' now,Fool! Guess that makes you the 'Lowlander.' Killed by a pun, how preciously ironic for you."

As he falls to his knees and the Tyrant is about to behead him, Ryo looks over at Steven, waving his hand across his neck, making the 'Cut!' sign.

The last file is reloaded again and we're back at the scene. A woman in the shadows above, yells, "Use THIS!" and throws down a Rocket Launcher.

LEON: "Ada, is that you? Ada!"

AMBER: "Would you stop with the Ada s*** and help us fight this thing!"

STEVEN: "And Josh, can you not explode this time?"

JOSH: "It's YOUR fault, you blasted buffoon!"

Steven and Josh start wrestling as the Tyrant laughs,mocking them.

MR.SUPER.T.MARK: "Look at these fools! They can't stop us, precious. We are SuperTMark!"

RYO: "Leon, it has to be you. Grab the launcher and say your line so we can get outta here already!"

Leon runs and grabs the launcher,spins,aims and fires.

LEON: "Game over."

We see the rocket fire from the launcher. The rocket heads towards Josh and he leaps out of the way, barely missing him. Then it stops and we see it going to hit the Tyrant in the front. Then it stops again and goes to hit the Tyrant in the chest.... before stopping again.

AMBER: "Oh, not this s*** again. Just hit the F***** thing already!!!"

MR.SUPER.T.MARK: "Oh,Snickers!"

We finally see the rocket hit the Tyrant in the groin, causing a huge explosion. Mark, Mr.T and finally any more mentions of that damn medallion... are gone. Ryo is jumping around on the pieces, slashing chunks of the Tyrant.

RYO: "Suck on THAT,Mark! I'M the one, Motherf*****!!!! You think I'm gonna let you take me out Sean Connery style? I don't think so!!! I ain't goin out like that!"

AMBER: "I really don't think he can hear you now,Ryo."

RYO: "HIGHlander,Bitch!!!" ~slash! stomp!~

The group runs to the train from here, kills some Zombies, opens the track gate and then starts the train up. It's time to get out of here.
Steven and Josh are sent to give a quick look around for the rest of the group.


The other half of Psycho Squad gets off the lift, meeting up with Steven and Josh. They all start walking down a hallway and when they get to the end,they see the train pulling away from them. The place starts rumbling and small pieces begin falling down on them. Leon is on the train and is calling out to the group from an open door.


LEON: "Claire! Hurry! ....Claire!"

JOSH: "I can't believe they're leaving with out us!"

STEVEN: "It's your fault for exploding so much!"

Leon has to pull back as he almost gets hit by a steel girder at the start of the tunnel. Claire runs up but isn't on time to board where Leon was. She quickly looks around and sees another open door. She quickly runs for it, does an awesome slow motion jump, moving her legs gracefully in the air, landing inside perfectly with a roll. Steven and Josh try the same thing, jumping in slow motion but smack into each other in the air. Steven's foot catches the guard rail and he painfully smacks down inside the train floor. Josh slowly bashes his head on the top of the train and does a backward flip, landing hard on Steven, as normal speed returns. Joe and Phyllis jump on, followed by Luke and Sara, then Rob and Kenneth.

Sherry and Flip,the only ones left, are racing towards the train in slow motion. Because Claire was far ahead of her,Sherry decides to crouch down and sulk. Flip, who is behind her on her left, sees there are only a few train cars left. He knows he has no time to convince her to get up and then run and try to jump on a moving train. Flip immediately approaches Sherry, his face displaying a serious focused demeanor. He knows he only has one chance and he has to make it count. Flip turns his right foot sideways and boots Sherry in the ass, hard. We see the young girl slowly moving through the air, heels over head. She flies through the air perfectly straight and sails right between 2 bars on an open door. Flip immediately pumps his right fist into the air and then looks up to the sky pointing. With only 1 car left, and an explosion going off behind him, Flip slowly jumps and reaches out, grabbing the bars on the last car, swinging around and crashing in through the back window. Joe comes in and smiles, putting his 2 hands up vertically, acknowledging Flip's perfect kick. Flip smiles in return and gets up, high fiving Joe.

JOE: "Dude, that was awesome! You made one hell of an entrance."

FLIP: "Thanks...there's just one thing I need...."

JOE: "What's that,Flip?"


Flip turns around and there are tons of shards of glass sticking in his back and ass. Joe quickly picks up a First Aid Spray and sprays Flip all over to heal him. Then they join the others in the second car. As soon as they do, a big explosion rocks the train. Everybody hits the floor as the lab explodes and clouds of flame form behind them, just as the train speeds up down the tunnel. Sherry is unconscious from Flip's kick, laying down on some train seats. The vibrations of the explosion knocks her off and she falls to the floor with a loud THUMP!

LEON: "Sherry's unconscious."

AMBER: "No s***,Mr Obvious."

LEON: "Hey now! I'm getting sick and tired of the name calling!"

CLAIRE: "Not now,Leon! I have to help Sherry."

The guys lift her up and lay her down on the seats again.

CLAIRE: "I have a Mixed Herb. If I give it to her..."

AMBER: "You're actually contemplating whether you should or not?"

Whether misunderstood or pressured by Amber, Claire administers the first aid.

LEON: "Claire, what's happening?"

AMBER: "She's healing,dumbass! What the f*** do you think is happening? Shut the f*** up!"

LEON: "I've had just about enough from you! Claire, tell her to..."

CLAIRE: "Oh,shut the F*** up,Leon! C'mon Sherry, wake up! Wake up, please wake up."

Sherry eventually comes to.

SHERRY: "Claire? Where am I?"

LEON: "It worked!"

AMBER: " didn't. She's actually a talking Zombie!"

LEON: frustrated

CLAIRE: "Oh, Sherry! You're gonna be okay!"

Peaceful music starts to play and Sherry slowly gets up.

CLAIRE: "Sherry! Are you ok?"

SHERRY: "Yes, I'm fine."

LEON: "It's over."

CLAIRE: "No.....I have to find my brother."

LEON: "You're right. This is just the beginning. Goodbye....Ada."

RYO: "What are you saying goodbye for? She was the one who threw..."

JOE: "Don't bother,dude.He's in another world."

Leon walks to the locomotive as Claire looks at her jacket on Sherry.

CLAIRE: "Ah, my God has protected you. It will always be with you."

SHERRY: "Claire."

CLAIRE: "Sherry."

Everybody is smiling watching them hug but Steven is making a face, and opens his mouth like he's going to say something bad. Before he does he notices Joe and Phyllis behind them, attracting his attention. Joe quickly motions as if he's grabbing an ass and spreading it. Phyllis motions her shotgun going into the ass and pulling the trigger. Joe makes a large explosion with his hands. Phyllis then points right at Steven. Steven makes a terrified face and quickly moves behind Ryo. Claire and Sherry continue hugging, unaware of all of this. Everybody relaxes,thinking this is the end.

A jarring jolt shakes the train,startling everybody as the happy music disappears. A buzzing alarm sounds. What would've been a happy ending in a scenario, will now be an extended nightmare! Leon comes running out of the front car.

CLAIRE: "What was that?"

HOMER: "Yeah, LEEon. What did you do now?"

LEON: "I didn't do anything!"

AMBER: "That's your problem,you never do a damn thing!"

Claire, knowing where this conversation is going, quickly runs out of the car, towards the back of the train. Joe, Phyllis, Ryo, Amber, Flip, Sara, Steven & Rob go with Claire. Sure enough, as soon as they do, the door locks and another automated woman's voice comes out to announce a new disaster.

AUTOMATED WOMAN3: "Warning! Biohazardous Outbreak imminent! The emergency system has been activated! This train will detonate! Repeat! This train will detonate!"

They try and go back in but find they are now trapped between cars.

CLAIRE: "No! What's wrong with this thing?"

LEON: "I don't know. The Door won't open!"

PHYLLIS: "What the F***,Leon?!"

JOE: "Open the door,dips***!"

LEON: "I just told you,I can't!"

RYO: "Guys, what did this idiot press now?"

LEON: "I didn't press anything! The door locked by itself."

ROB: "You better open this door, Leon.... or I'll huff... and puff and blow..."

AMBER: "Oh,blow it out your ass,Rob. You can't breathe fire. That was me."

ROB: "You're lying! You're not Godzilla! I am!"

AMBER: "It was the Flamethrower, dumbass!"

ROB: "No......No!!!! That's not true! That's imPOSSible! I am Godzilla! I am..."

STEVEN: "A freaking weirdo with a foam lizard head and herb tail!"

AMBER: "Search your feelings, you know that to be true."


As they stand there waiting, an Umbrella Mercenary suddenly appears on a hand pump railcar on the track next to them and hops on. pics/a0bd5a04.jpg

BOND: "Not to worry,I'm here! Now,let's take this SOB down!"

JOE: "Whoa,whoa, whoa.... what are you doing here?"

BOND: "I signed up,remember? It said I'd be joining in."

JOE: "Yeah, but the memo says BE3, not BE2. You're too early."

BOND: "Gah! This isn't fair! I'm missing out on all the Birkin action! And the shooting, and the cursing, and the Leon bashing! You know I'm good for all that!"

JOE: "You're an Umbrella Mercenary. It doesn't even make sense that you'd be down here. You're supposed to be searching the streets."

BOND: "So? Just say I made a wrong turn at Albuquerque."

ROB: "Hey! That's my line."

CLAIRE: "We don't have time for this! Let's go! We only have 2 minutes!"

BOND: "Big deal! I can rub one out and eat a 3 course meal in 2 minutes."

JOE: "I don't think this is gonna work. Off you go,until you're called."

BOND: "But this fic needs more Bondage!"

PHYLLIS: "Oh? So you're into that too?"

Phyllis pulls out some shackles and a Cat O' Nine Tails with barbs at the end of each whip.

BOND: "A Cat O' Nine Tails? ~LOL~ Really?" grin

PHYLLIS: "Oh yes. You won't be laughing long once these babies start biting into flesh." devil

BOND: grin .........."Well, would you look at that. It appears I am too early. Gotta run. Ok then....see you later."

Bond hops off the train onto the railcar and pumps it at high speed, racing away from the train, out of sight.


CLAIRE: "Let's go! This way."

They run back a few cars until a tentacle bashes through a vent in the ceiling of the train. Everybody runs back the other way until the hear a loud bang and feel the train shake. Numerous tentacles reach into the car and grasp the sides, pulling itself inside. We see that Birkin has mutated into a huge blob, now having 2 large eyes and large teeth in the middle. 4 tentacles keep flailing around, either to move its mass or smack the people around it. Everybody starts to open fire on it, screaming expletives as they do.

JOE: "Eat this, you cocksuckin sack of f***** s***!"

PHYLLIS: "Oh Yeah! ~kablam!~ You're getting Customly F***** up by Phyllis! ~kablam!~ You like that, huh? ~kablam!~ You want some more? ~kablam!~ Die you f***** sonuva...!"

AMBER: "F*** you Birkin! Suck on these grenades you stupid blob of s***!"

SARA: "Watch out for those f***** mines!"

RYO: "There can be only one,Birkin! I am 'The One,' MothaF****!!! Feel the power of the Custom Magnum, Highlanding your ass!"

ROB: "..............I got nothing."

STEVEN: "Prepare to die, you stupid scumbag son of a b.."

CLAIRE: "Ok, can we ease up on the swearing? Is all that really necessary?"

ALL: "F*** Yeah!!!!!"

Before Claire can issue a response, the cut scene comes in, showing Birkin stopping, blood spraying out and turning into a pile of black mush. His mass heads towards the group but instead of running out of there, they just slowly back up. Finally coming to their senses, they run out of there, trying to get back to the 2nd car again, but finding themselves still stuck inbetween cars because the door is still locked. A loud warning buzz is heard and another automated voice is heard.

AUTOMATED WOMAN4: "Warning! Warning! The self destruct sequence has been activated! Each train compartment will detonate sequentially!"

LEON: "What?!"

CLAIRE: "Leon! Stop the train!"

LEON: "I can't! The door to the control room is locked!"

As Claire and the others turn around, they can see Birkin is still alive. His body is mutating and growing quickly in size, absorbing everything in his path, heading right towards them. Soon Birkin makes it right up to the door. The fate of our heroes outside is unknown.

SHERRY: "What is it?"

LEON: "Sherry! Stay back!"

Loud pounding is heard on the door as huge dents are seen from the inside. Sherry runs to the door right outside the control room and screams as the door bangs in off the hinges. Birkin's mass enters the car, his teeth are enormous and the tentacles flail around for things to absorb.

LEON: "That's what I call ugly!"

KENNETH: "F*** you,Leon! You're no prize with that stupid looking haircut!"

LEON: "I was referring to the monster behind you."

KENNETH: "Oh.....nevermind."

LUKE: "Joe! Where are you guys?"

SPIKE: "F***'s sake...I hope they didn't get absorbed!"

TIM: "We better do something before WE are!"

The Birkin monster keeps entering the car,slowly moving towards them. Sherry sees a loose grate,pulls it off and enters the main car.

LEON: "Sherry! What are you doing?!"

SHERRY: "We have to stop the train,right? I can do it!"

LEON: "Sherry!"

The blob keeps coming towards them.

LEON: "Persistent,aren't we? Well, COME AND GET IT!"

KENNETH: "What are we going to do?"

Leon looks at the floor and then back at the camera. The next thing we see is a camera view far down in the tunnel. We can see the train approaching, getting closer to the camera. As it nears, we can see Claire,Joe,Phyllis, Ryo, Amber, Flip, Sara, Steven & Rob on top of the train and Leon, Josh, Homer, Kenneth,Spike,Tim and Luke, underneath it. They are all screaming their brains out and it is echoing in the tunnel as the train roars by. We then go back to Sherry in the lead car.

SHERRY: "Hmmm,which one is the right switch? Maybe this one?" ~click~

ROB: "Ole Frijole!"

AMBER: "!?"

JOE: "ŅQuť es esto? "

PHYLLIS: "°Dios mio!"

HOMER: "°Ay Carumba!"

LEON: "°No puedo aguantar mucho mas!"

SHERRY: "Ay yi yi!"

Ryo reaches in and presses the button.

RYO: "Not that one, you stupid ass! You hit the SAP button!"

CLAIRE: "Sherry! Push that switch, over there!!!"

SHERRY: "Got it!"

The brakes activate and the train soon comes to a screeching stop.

LEON: "Uh! Finally."

JOE: "**ck...that ride made me nauseous."

CLAIRE: "You ok,Sherry?"

SHERRY: "I'm ok."

CLAIRE: "Where's Leon?"

LEON: " You're both safe..."

Soon as Leon says that, the Birkin monster starts coming out of the train, almost the entire thing has been consumed by the monster.

CLAIRE: "You don't give up, do you!?"

LEON: "Why won't you die? We've gotta get outta here. Move it! MOOOOVE!"

RYO: "Let's move it,people! The monster is still alive and there's a bomb still ticking!"

PHYLLIS: "Is everybody here?"

AMBER: "Who cares. The important ones are, let's go!"

Everybody runs down the tunnel. Birkin tentacles have now ripped through the front of the train. Everybody is running out of the tunnel but before Joe and Claire leave, Joe stops Claire.

JOE: "Wait,Claire! You have to say your finale line."

CLAIRE: "You think I still can? I was supposed to before but..."

JOE: "Now's as good a time as any! Go for it!"

As Claire stands at the exit of the tunnel, she turns towards the Birkin monster, puts her hand out with a smirk and waggles her finger in the air.

CLAIRE: "You LOSE, Big guy!!!!" PICS/7b24eb4a.jpg

After saying her line, she bends over and smacks her ass, surprising Birkin. PICS/80baae97.jpg

As she quickly runs out and takes cover, the counter on the bomb shows ...3...2...1.... There is a massive explosion and fire pours through the tunnel, destroying the train and Birkin. It's finally over.

JOE: "Are you ok?"

PHYLLIS: "Still in one piece."

LEON: "That was a close one! That was pretty impressive back there Sherry!"

SHERRY: It was nothing, I saw somebody do that on TV once."

TIM: "Aaa, so you copy what you see on the telly,eh? I have something you can watch. It's called 'Schoolgirl Sluts.' See if you can do what they do."

Caught off guard. Sherry and Claire react to Tim's suggestion. PICS/d16af3f8.jpg

PHYLLIS: "Tim!!!"

AMBER: "You Brits are unbelievable."

TIM: "Well, someone's gotta show her the ropes." grin

Claire looks over at Sherry who has soot marks on her face.

CLAIRE: "You look terrible!"

Not happy being insulted, Sherry notices Claire has a messy face too.

SHERRY: "Yeah? Well, so do you,bitch!"


RYO: "C'mon, time to leave."

AMBER: "Now, what's wrong? Is something following us?"

LEON: "We have to go."

PHYLLIS: "Go where?"

LEON: ~all dramatic~ "Its up to us to take out Umbrella!"

~action music starts to play~

JOE: "Yeah! That's gonna be cool. When we finally face off against them!"

AMBER: "I wonder if that's going to happen in our next adventure."

PHYLLIS: "It'll probably happen in our fourth one."

CLAIRE: "C'mon, we've gotta move out!"

AMBER: "Why is there something following us?"

KENNETH: "Would you stop saying that?! What are you,paranoid?"

PHYLLIS: "I think I'm PARAnoiiiiiiiid!" ~making an air guitar~

STEVEN: "Itís finally over."

AMBER: shhh "Shhhh! Everytime somebody says that, something bad happens."

CLAIRE: "Hey, we've still got a job to do."

RYO: "Go, oh you can't mean..."

ROB: "She means go home and go to sleep."

CLAIRE: No. I have to find my brother."

LEON: "Youíre right. This is just the beginning."

STEVEN: "What?!"

LEON: "Goodbye, Ada."

CLAIRE: "Chris...I have to find you!"

STEVEN: "F*** that! The only thing I'm looking to find is a bed!"

JOSH: "I'm not going anywhere except to sleep."

STEVEN: "With,Josh?" wink

Josh and Steven start hitting each other. Just then, a warbling sound off to the left catches everybody's attention. A large block of Tofu wearing a beret is standing there, trying to communicate.

AMBER: "What the F*** is that?!"

PHYLLIS: "Shoot it!!!"

Everybody fires off their weapons and Joe takes the Rocket Launcher from Leon and uses the last rocket. The stupid block of crap gets shot up and explodes into a shower of tofu bits.

CLAIRE: "As I was saying, we have to go overseas to find my brother."

TIM: "Yeah well, you can find him some other time. I'm knackered!"

JOE: "I have to agree with the Brits. I'm too tired to do anything except take a warm shower and sleep."

RYO: "We just went through so much crap during this adventure. I'm not running over to Europe now! I need a vacation."

CLAIRE: "But Chris needs to be found..."

FLIP: "Good luck with that,Claire."

The arguing goes back and forth as our heroes walk off into the distance. As they do, a mysterious stranger comes out of hiding and walks in front of the screen, eating some tofu with his back to the camera. He slowly turns and looks into the camera with a disturbing grin.

NADER: "Wait'll they get a load of me!" pics/c125472d.jpg

The man smiles and turns around, following the group from a distance. The screen fades to black and the words 'The End' are shown.
BE2 has finally come to an end....but the story doesn't stop here. Be with us for our next adventure, as our heroes run through Raccoon City with Jill Valentine for loads of fun in:

BIOHAZARDOUS EVIL 3:NEMMY-'Ev-ry-body run.....the BOW's got a gun!' coming soon to a RE Board near you!

Well, this has finally come to a close. It didn't go as smoothly as I'd hoped but certain circumstances couldn't be avoided. Hopefully things will go better in the next one. I want to personally thank those that are currently reading for doing so, especially the ones who have been on board from the start. I thank you for taking the time to read it and I definitely want to thank those who take the time to leave comments. They are most welcome and very much appreciated. The feedback definitely encourages me to do more and helps get the creative juices goin. I look forward to having new chars come on board and hope you all continue to enjoy the adventures of the beloved Psycho Squad. Stay Cool cool

I'd like to also dedicate this fic to Phyllis and Steven. You've been long time friends and I think it's fitting to include both of you, since you both always have taken the time to give extensive comments. I have always appreciated that, I've said that numerous times. Steven, you have always come back and kept reading, regardless of circumstances. That meant a lot to me. You've kept your promise which is a big deal in an era where most people tend to let you down. I won't forget that. Thanks for sharing the laughs with me and hope we can continue to do so.
Phyllis, besides the thorough commentary, you've given me the live reactions and help whenever I needed it. Something I also won't forget, that's meant a lot to me. I hope that also continues. I'm glad I helped with some of the bad/slow days you've had at work. BE would truly not be the same without you both. Your comments and banter bring me as much LOLs as the fic does to you. I'm honored to have you as both reader and friend.

By the way, if anyone guesses the inspiration for the BE3 title, you'll win yourself a very positive BE3 scene in your favor. Well, that's it for now. See you all next time, Same beagle board, same beagle channel.

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