Where Coolness dwells.


Ok, seeing how many lackluster topics we've had here the past few months and seeing the state the board is in, and some of the moods you guys have been in, I figured I had to do something to help pick things up a bit. Your eyes do not deceive you ladies and gents... Though it seemed like it would never come, it is FINALLY here! shock 

The most eagerly awaited sequel since LOTR and SW. mischief Your beloved series is back in action. So now you can save money on books and get back to sitting down and scanning the silly, sick & psychotic stories of STARS Psycho Squad and friends grin Remember, it's all in fun. So please don't get offended. and if ya do,well then kiss my beagle ass. You most likely had it comin. Loosen up and have fun.

Warning: The Surgeon General warns that drinking juice while reading BEs, can be hazardous to your health....not to mention your keyboard. tongue

If you haven't read either of the first 2 parts... better click in my profile and start reading the others, or you'll be all confoozed at the stuff goin on. Better yet, check for the links to the Webpages for the Director's Cuts, since those are the official versions, with the new content. I was gonna wait til more people came back but, enough time has gone by and the board needs a lift so, they're just missing out talk_hand Now sit back, get comfortable and enjoy.

The people have spoken....

I cant wait to see it. Im getting so excited! I cant wait for BE2! -Tim

Can't wait for file #2, hurry up- Phyllis

I’m just going to sit back and count down the moments until BE2 (I'm at 152 already!)-Sara

Can't wait for BE 2!- Josh

too many numerous comments to list-FLIP 

OUR CAST: JOE COOL- JOE: As Psycho as they come. Loves Machineguns and killing everything in sight. Also has developed a bad humping habit, due to Birkin's canine drink.

MYSTERY79- PHYLLIS: The sick sadist. Loves the pain and delivering it. Needs her sweets. A shotgun Psycho.

SSJCAJAS- MARK: Box expert. No puzzle too difficult. What will become of him?

ROBSTEIN69- ROB: Looney Tune extrodinaire. Changes personalities at diff times. Also has a deep disturbing love of Godzilla.

RYODIN- RYO: Mr info. He knows it all... and expects everyone else to know it too! This is where his love of Japanese swords makes everyone uncomfortable, since he's developed a Samurai attitude with his quizzes. Do NOT play games with this man. If his blades don't kill you, his corny lines will.

GIMME_A_COSMO714-KENNETH: Obnoxious loud mouth, music addict. Always listening to it... though it will most likely be the same song.

THORIN181- THORIN: Disturbing man with disturbing mentality.

YGGDRASILL17- LUKE: Bar-Coded Baldy who was a Hitman for the Agency. Now he tags along with the group, for better chances of Survival. He was better off alone.

S_FARR- SARA: An unknown. Shy and quiet, yet an underlying psycho dwells within. Rescued from the Idiot Bar. Loves chick flicks and her flute... perhaps a little too much.

HARDCORE_RESI_FAN- TIM: Mr Smoothie, LOVES his car like no other. Thinks the world would be a better place, if we all just had sex together. An avid skateboarder.


DARKBLOOD999- AMBER: The Resident Pyromaniac,loves sharp blades too. Especially when sticking them in someone... er... thing.

DONUTHEAD_HOMER- HOMER: Loves Donuts Immensely. Few fries short of a happy meal. Always offers advice, even though no one asks for it.

ZOMBIEKILLA- ALLAN: Tony Montana wannabe. Hooked on Nyquil and Cocoa Puffs.

NINJAMASTER- NINJA: Good fighter, but cannot fight without accompanying music.

FLIP342- FLIP: Pain in the ass, yet still likeable... except when he starts hating on the good stuff. Then you want to punt his ass like a football.

ADA_IS_SEXY- AISHOLE: The Zombies love him. No one else does.
Keep in mind,I don't list everyone that is going to be in the story, because I like there to be some surprises. wink

SURPRISE: "Really? I'm in this story?" thinking

JOE: "No... You're not supposed to show up til BE3.... so STFU." peace

Well, it's been a long time comin but... your wait is over.
Without further ado...I give you.........


September 29th, 1998

------------------FILE A-------------------

'Where in the world is RPDiego?'

We find our heroes, parked at a service garage, in a Taxago station. Frustration is at an all time high that they cannot find a way to the RPD. The others are waiting around, as Joe and RYO look over the maps, to see if they can find a way there, through all the madness and chaos and streets slowly getting blocked off. Bank, so excited about the glory that is the 2nd adventure, suffered from a mild hysteria and ran through the town exclaiming how great it is and became lost to the team, not to be heard from again. Joe has made some pizzas, using the onboard microwave in the van. Phyllis was snacking on her Payday bar. Everybody else was drinking or snacking, occupying themselves until they can get to Leon's party. Joe is wearing a 'Bloodthirsty Bastich' T-Shirt and Phyllis is wearing one that says 'I'm with Bastich' with an arrow pointed towards Joe.

JOECOOL: "This is ridiculous! I can't believe we can't find this stupid building! I thought you said you mapped out the way, RYO. This doesn't look like the way."

RYO: "I DID, Joe! After those 2 Canadian crackpots got us lost again, I even checked online when we stopped by that library. The directions I printed out, said to make all those turns that we did! F****** MapQuest." frustrated

JOE: "And that guy in the Gas Station was no help either. Stupid idiot just mumbled and groaned. I couldn't even understand him! These damn foreigners should learn to speak English, before being allowed to work here!"

~zombie groaning from inside the store~

JOE: "AHHHHH SHADDAP!!!! Speak English, you moron!"

MARK: " least we're out of the stupid part of town."

JOE: "Yes....that's true, Mark. Something to be thankful for."

KENNETH: "We better not hang around here too long. I think that weird Munkey guy is still following us... or Tim actually. And Tim is with us so....yea."

Meanwhile Mark sits down next to Sara, who was going through her stuff. He watches with interest as she takes out a case, opens it and begins to play her flute.

MARK: "Flute, huh?"

SARA: "You catch on quick."

MARK: "Reminds me when my friends and I used to jam in a club. Man, that was fun."

SARA: "Well, playing the Flute in the Band can be fun too. I play a mean solo."

MARK: ~rolling his eyes~ "Seriously Sara...."

SARA: "No, really! Like, this one time.... at Band Camp...."

RYO: "Ok, save the story for later. I think I figured out a way. Let's get ready to go."

JOE: "Good. Phyllis, go tell the others to get ready to move out. Hopefully we can still make this party."

PHYLLIS: "It's about time. I want cake, DAMNIT!"

Phyllis tells Mark and Sara who tell Kenneth and Thorin who tell Spike, who tells Rob and Luke, who need to find Tim, so that they can get both vehicles loaded up and ready to move.

SPIKE: "Just be sure to tell Tim to finish up. RYO says we're heading out now."

LUKE: "Where did he go? I heard him say he was going to work on the car a bit."

ROB: "Yeah, he said the car was idling. He parked it down that back alley, behind the service station. Said he was changing the oil or something."

Rob and Luke head towards the alley, talking to each other about stuff. As they proceed down the alley, they notice it's pretty dark, except for a street light, in the middle. The car's trunk is facing them and the hood is open in the front. They hear some weird noises and Tim mumbling words, coming from the front of the car.

TIM: "Yeah..... you like that, don't you, girl?"

LUKE: "Uh... Tim?"

A frantic noise is heard from the front of the car, as Tim peeks over the hood, shirtless with grease marks on his skin. He looks nervously at Rob and Luke.

TIM: "Eh....yes?"

ROB: "How's the Lube Job coming along? Spike said we need to move out."

TIM: "'s coming along quite nicely actually. Just tell him I need a few more minutes and I'll bring the car around front."

ROB: "Uh.....ok. We'll...see you up front then."

TIM: "Sounds good. Okay then."

Tim goes back under the hood as Rob and Luke head back to the group.

LUKE: "I don't even want to know what he's using for motor oil."


Everyone gathers their stuff and gets in the van. Tim comes around with the 'Love Machine' purring like a kitten. Spike hops in the car and off they go. Just as they leave, an Oil Tanker pulls into the station behind them. Along the way, the group picks up 2 stragglers on the road, Flip and Aishole.

FLIP: "Thanks, I thought we weren't going to make it. The town's gone crazy!"

JOE: "Yea, we know. What are you guys doin out here?"

AISHOLE: "We were working security for the Electronics store."

SPIKE: "You? Security?!" laugh

FLIP: "Yes. You're Psycho Squad aren't you?"

PHYLLIS: "How did you know that?"

FLIP: "I used to work in the Donut shop. I remember you smashing up a candy machine we had in there."

As everyone turns towards Phyllis, she shrugs uncomfortably, as if it was a normal reaction to have towards a machine.

PHYLLIS: "Well.... when a machine tries to keep my M&M's, that I paid for.... all hell is going to break loose." not_talking

TIM: "Ah, Donuts. Like Mother Nature's muffin."

JOE: "Just hurry up and get your asses in here. We're wasting time."

The 2 people climb into the van and the groups continue on with the mission.

AISHOLE: "You should turn here. It'll get us to the bridge faster."

JOE: "We're not going to the bridge, we're goin to the RPD. Now sit down and STFU."

FLIP: "Good thing I'm around then. I can help you follow proper protocol for adventures of this kind."

MARK: "Just what we need, another ILL."

KENNETH: "Man, if I have to spend any more time in this damn van, you'll have to put ME in the nut house with ILL!"

PHYLLIS: "Speaking of which....wasn't Kaureq supposed to drop him off and report back to the group?"

ROB: "That was the plan."

JOE: "Yeah... what the F*** ever happened to him?"

The screen goes blurry as we flashback a month earlier. We see the outside of the Raccoon City Mental Institution and hear the screams coming from within. One cell in particular, houses the loudest inmate.

KAUREQ: "Open up!! There's been a mistake! I know I'm a creep, but I'm a winner! What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here!!!"

In the cell next to him, ILL lies on his back, in his straight jacket, with a crayon between his toes, writing "I LOVE MIKAMI" with his foot, over and over again, across the walls, as he sings to himself. A heavyset nurse comes by to give them food.

NURSE: "Keep it down in there. Come take your food."

KAUREQ: "No! Listen. I... don't... be-long... here! I'm so f***** special! Let me make a phone call to clear this up."

NURSE: "Sure, that's what they all say. You're special all right. Now just sit down and enjoy your 'Din Din,' like a good boy."

Kaureq grabs the nurse and pulls her against the cell door, causing her to drop the tray of food.

KAUREQ: "I don't want any stupid 'Din Din!' Now you listen to me... Do you know who I am? I'm KAUREQ, Bitch!!! Now take out your key and open this f****** door, before I really get mad!"

The nurse looks at his hands, raising a brow with a smirk and that "Oh No, you Didn't!" look in her eyes, as she calmly takes out her communicator.

NURSE: "Larry...prepare a 'Jerry Lee Lewis' for Mr. Kaureq, in Cell 4."

KAUREQ: ~looking puzzled~ "What's a Jerry Lee Lewis?"

The next scene we see, is Kaureq strapped naked to a metal table, with electrodes taped to his scrotum. Larry hits the switch and electricity is jolted into Kaureq, as he begins screaming and his hair starts smoking.

KAUREQ: "Goodness! Gracious! My BALLS AFIRE!!!!!!!" cry


As we return to the present, our heroes are once again, driving through the streets of Raccoon City. Joe drives as RYO reads his maps. Rob sees a girl ahead, turn her head quickly towards the headlights, and then dart from the sidewalk, ducking behind some boxes in a short alley.

ROB: "Was that.....Amber?"

RYO: "Where?" ~looking up from the map~

ROB: "Just off to the right here, behind those boxes."

Joe stops the van, lowers the windows and shines a small spotlight on the area, as he hears some scuffling. He turns on his PA system and speaks into it.

JOE: "Amber? Is that you?"

The girl peeks out cautiously from between the boxes.

AMBER: "Joe? Guys! Damn am I glad it's you!" ~runs to the van~

RYO: "Well, who else would it be?"

AMBER: "Uh...well..."

JOE: "Are you all right?"

AMBER: "Yeah... I guess."

ROB: "What happened? Weren't you supposed to be at that AMC?"

THORIN: "Amber went to the movies?"

ROB: "NO! Quiet you nimrod. Her Anger Management Class."

AMBER: "Oh yeah.... that."

JOE: "Uh oh. That ...doesn't sound good."

AMBER: "Well, everything was fine at first. The instructor made us all say our names and start to tell our stories. Then he started focusing on me. He decided he wanted to get inside my head. It's not a pretty place in there." devil

PHYLLIS: "Dios Mio."

AMBER: "Anyway...then he tells me that I give off Hostility, possess Instability and exhibit Irritability... and that I should learn to open up, to help control my feelings. He suggested I take the aggression stick and hit the dummy with it, to help me feel better. So....I cracked him over the head with the stick."

ROB: "Ouch." ~LOL~

AMBER: "He was right.... that did make me feel better!" grin

PHYLLIS: "Guess he missed your... Unpredictability." wink

AMBER: "Yeah! Like I'm supposed to know he meant the mannequin? Next thing you know, I'm a threat to society, and they stick me in the Loony Bin."

ROB: "I like the Looney Bin! Did you see Daffy? and Elmer?"

AMBER: "No, Rob."

PHYLLIS: "Did you see ILL and Kaureq?"

AMBER: "Yeah... they're there.... But I'd rather not talk about that."

ROB: "Well... what happened? How did you get out?"

AMBER: "Uhhhh.. Let's just say I escaped and here I am. They, on the other hand, are going to be there for a while." whistling

JOE: "Good enough. Listen, we're headed to the RPD, to Leon's party. The van is packed though. That's Tim and Spike behind us. ~points and they wave to one another~ Hitch a ride with them. We're already late."

THORIN: "Shouldn't we go get Kaureq and ILL? Clear up the mess?"

JOE: "And MISS the party?! Not a chance."

PHYLLIS: "What? Who wants us to miss the party?!"

THORIN: "Er... Um.... Kenneth. Yeah, he said we should go get Kaureq and ILL right now, the hell with the party!"

Phyllis lowers her brow and looks at Kenneth, who is completely oblivious, listening to his song. She moves towards Kenneth and smacks him so hard, in the back of the head, that his headphones fall off.

KENNETH: "Ow!! what?!"

PHYLLIS: ~leaning into his face~ "Miss the party for those 2? Are you f***** Insane?! We're going to this party, NOW! If you don't like it, get the hell out and walk to the Asylum, yourself! This is your 2nd strike with me. You don't want a 3rd!" angry

Phyllis moves back towards the front of the van and Kenneth remains stunned, still holding his head, as he picks up his headphones.

KENNETH:~looks at Thorin~ "What's her problem now? That made no sense at all." confused

THORIN: "Who knows." ~chuckles and makes the crazy sign, circling his index finger around his temple~ silly

Amber walks over to Tim's car and Spike opens the door and gets out. Spike climbs into the back seat as Amber gives a weird look at the car before she slowly sits inside. Both vehicles drive off again, continuing their ongoing pursuit of the party at the RPD.

AMBER: "The Love Machine?"

TIM: "Yep... isn't she great?"

AMBER: "Oh, yeah ....great." ~rolls eyes~

SPIKE: "Just be careful what you touch. One time I accidentally hit a button, thinking I was going to move my seat back a bit... next thing I knew, I was flat on my back, legs propped up and spread wide like a Thanksgiving Turkey, just waiting to be stuffed."

AMBER: "WTF?'s really hot in here."

TIM: ~slyly turning up the heat~ "Do you want to take off your clothes?"

AMBER: "Uh, no. How do I make it cool?"

TIM: "Oh... this one right here." ~clicks a button~

Suddenly the car hums and changes shape. Tim, Amber and Spike are sent to the back of the car, as it extends and opens up, into a small pool. The car has changed our characters into swim wear. Tim is wearing a Black bathing suit, Amber is wearing a black and red one piece and Spike has on a skimpy thong.

AMBER: "What the hell?! I said 'COOL,'not 'POOL!' I wanted the Air Conditioner!"

TIM: "Oh."

AMBER: "Who the hell is driving?"

TIM: "It's on Autopilot, fixed onto Joe's van. It'll follow wherever he goes, no worries."

AMBER: "Great. This car is stressing me out."

TIM: "I have just the thing for that Amber.... Sex."

AMBER: "What?!"

TIM: "Have sex with me. It'll make you happy and take all your worries away."

AMBER: "You're crazy. I'm not having sex with you. I just met you."

Out of nowhere, the water starts bubbling furiously around them.

AMBER: "What... you think turning on the Jacuzzi will make me change my mind?"

TIM: "No..... I don't have a Jacuzzi."

They both look at each other, puzzled, until they hear Spike laugh.

SPIKE: "Ah...haha...sorry kids, that was me. You drink that much Guinness.... sooner or later...." ~taps his belly~

Amber makes a nauseated face and moves to the other side of the pool, looking for her clothes. The cars continue through the streets of RC, until Joe starts to slow down, as he approaches a street light. RYO looks up from his map.

RYO: "What are you doing?"

JOE: "The light is red."

RYO: "Oh C'mon.... There's nobody on the streets!"

SARA: "That does seem rather odd."

RYO: "We're the only idiots driving around here. Go through the light."

JOE: "Are you sure?"

RYO: "Yes,yes, don't slow down,just go." ~waves his hand~

JOE: "Alrighty then."

Joe takes his foot off the brake and steps on the gas before the van comes to a stop. He sails through the light, with Tim's car following right behind it. Suddenly an Oil Tanker truck speeds through the intersection, blasting by and hitting both vehicles. While everyone is shaken up, Joe has gotten out and is viciously yelling every curse word known to man towards the truck, which hasn't stopped.

RYO: "Is everyone alright?"

JOE: "You Motherf*****! Get back here ya chickens&%^ Sonuva.... I'll rip off your f***** head, you stupid piece a ..."

THORIN: "Joe! Shhhhh. They're out there."

JOE: "Who's out there?" ~looks~

THORIN: "The mods...the censors. Evil beings. They steal your words and take you away." ~points~

JOE: "Bah!"

RYO: "I can't believe that happened."

JOE: "Ohhh, 'go through the light, no one else is around.' Now look what happened. We're never gonna make it to this party!"

RYO: "Well, we're STARS! We have the right of way! He should've stopped!" not_talking

As everybody gets out, they see that the back end of the van has been scraped. Meanwhile, the Love Machine's front end has been totaled. Tim is on his knees crying, as Spike consoles him. Amber finally puts her normal clothes back on and shakes her head.

AMBER: "Geeze, relax.... It's just a car."

Tim's eyes flare up and he pulls out a gun and holds it close to Amber's head.

TIM: "Speak not, those words again, woman!!! She was not just 'A car'. She was beautiful...and gentle. We shared a lot together you know!"

AMBER: "Whoa... chill the f*** out!"

SPIKE: "He's kind of sensitive when it comes to his cars."

TIM: "Her beautiful frame...'Monicaaaaaaa'!!!!" cry

AMBER: "OK, sorry. Now please change out of that thong, Spike. It's making me shiver."

SPIKE: "Ah, yes, well... I'm just preparing for my future stardom. Showcasing my talents. Hollywood likes to see some skin." mischief

KENNETH: "I'm seeing nausea."

JOE: "Don't worry, Tim. We'll get that schmuck."

MARK: "But how are we all going to fit in the van?"

Everybody just looks at each other, then the van, then at RYO.

RYO: "I'll make the call."


RYO calls the boss, but no one is around. The only people available to come are the other 2 Brits, over here from the International STARS branch. Eventually, a small 3 wheeler Mr Bean car pulls up and makes a tiny high pitched beep, as 2 men get out. pics/car.jpg

STEVEN: "Cheerio Chaps...the cavalry has arrived."

JOSH: "Yeah...and us too!"

STEVEN: "What do you mean, 'us too,' we ARE the cavalry!"

JOSH: "Oh... I thought you meant the car."

STEVEN: "The car? That's ridiculous, why would you think that?"

JOSH: " I don't know... I thought maybe you named the car, 'Cavalry'."

STEVEN: "Why would I name the car 'Cavalry'? That's sort of a silly name for a car, don't you think?"

JOSH: "Well, I suppose so, now that you mention it. I just thought it was supposed to be an allusion to you actually wanting to be in a Cavalry, with the car symbolizing your horse."

STEVEN: "Where....... do you come up with this stuff? When did I ever say that?"

JOSH: "You've mentioned it before."

STEVEN: "I have not!"

JOSH: "You have.... last week, in the loo."

STEVEN: "In the loo?! Why would I talk about horses in the loo?"

JOSH: "I don't know! Maybe you were looking over into my stall while I was havin a piss!"
STEVEN: "Oh, that does it...."

JOE: "HELLO?! We're over here! Remember us? The reason you came?"

STEVEN: "Ah yes. Sorry bout that, my good man. Agent Steven... at your service. That dolt of a partner over there is Agent Josh."

JOSH: "What'd you go and do that, for?!"

STEVEN: "Do what?"

JOSH: "Say my name. I wanted to tell him my name! Now I have nothing to say."

STEVEN: "You would've screwed it up, anyway."

JOSH: "Oh, you wanna have at it, then? Let's go." ~rolls up his sleeves~

PHYLLIS: "Boys...BOYS!!! Let's calm down and get to the matter at hand. There is a party going on. There are people...indoors...laughing...and having CAKE! If you 2 don't stop arguing and we're late for this party.... and I get no cake.... well..... I am going to be mad. And then I will kick BOTH your asses, back to Buckingham!!! Do we understand each other?" frustrated

STEVEN&JOSH~simultaneously~: "Wellhestartedit,Didnotitwasyourfault..."


STEVEN&JOSH~simultaneously~: "YESYES! Okherewego,offwego." ~jumpsinthecar~ worried

Everyone gets back in the van, while Spike, Luke and Amber head for Steven's car. Amber makes a face as she looks at the car and how small it is.

AMBER: "I should've stayed in the nuthouse."

STEVEN: "By the way Spike, we brought you a 6 pack of Guinness."

SPIKE: "A 6-pack for me? BRILLIANT!"


Everybody finds a spot in the back of the van. RYO allows Tim to sit in the passenger seat and moves to a chair behind him, reading the directions off to Joe.

AISHOLE: "You should go my way. I know a better way. Listen to me."

RYO: "You don't know s***. STFU N00b!! I give the directions around here. You're lucky you're here at all!"

AISHOLE: "Lucky for you that I am. I'm witty and informative."

RYO: "You're an asshole, is what you are! Joe, can I toss him out at high speed?"

JOE: "Nah, we need someone to distract the zombies."

RYO: "You're lucky Joe's generous, or I'd slice you into sushi. Now shut up and get in the back."

FLIP: "Might I make a suggestion?"


JOE: "Damn N00bs. They can grate your nerves. Anyway, I thought it would be better if you came with us, Tim. Help you relax a bit."

TIM: "This is a really nice van you got here!" ~feeling the dash slowly~

JOE: "Don't get any ideas. I heard about you. This vehicle is Male!"

TIM: "Oh...that's too bad. Does it have any specialties?"

JOE: "Of course! Twin front mounted machine guns, 2 quad rocket launchers up top, bullet proof glass and all sorts of weaponry and high tech computer system. If ya wanna nuke some pizza, you can throw it in the 'Micro'. Got a keg in the drum too. It's got a few surprises as well."

SURPRISE: ~peeks in the van~ "Was that a cue?"

JOE: "What the...NO! This isn't your story, so Amscray!" ~pushes him out~

SURPRISE: "Damn." sad ~falls away~

TIM: "Do you smoke?"

JOE: "F*** no! No smoking in my van!"

TIM: "No, I don't smoke either. Just wondering what the cigarette lighter is for then?"

JOE: "Oh...that. I dunno. I told them I don't smoke and that I have no need for a lighter. I have no idea why they still put one in for anyway."

Out of curiosity, Joe pushes the lighter and it clicks like a button. A computer blip is heard and suddenly a small screen above the radio displays red sound wave lines.

VAN: "Well, it's about TIME!"


Joe jumps and jerks the wheel unexpectedly, swerving the van and everyone in it, running through a fruit stand and sending garbage everywhere.

VAN: "My, what a great driver you are. How's about you keep it steady...ass. Bad enough you scratched my end!"

JOE: "WTF?! How did you get in the van?"

VAN: "I AM the Van. I was installed into it. You just never switched me on."

JOE: "Well, leave it to those idiots to put the activate switch in the one thing I never use. What did they put you in here for?"

VAN: "I'm a sentient program, designed to assist you any way I can. Lord knows, you need all the help you can get."

THORIN: "Like Kitt!" ~starts humming Knight Rider theme~

VAN: "Don't insult me. Kitt is Crap on Wheels, compared to me. What kind of name is Kitt anyway? I am MadDog. ~proudly displays logo~ pics/MadDog.jpg
I am far superior in every way. I was designed based on my owner's personality."

KENNETH: "Oh, so you're in love with Natalie Portman?"

VAN: "No...she's human....I'm a vehicle....Dumbass."

ROB: "Oh, this is definitely Joe's Van."

JOE: "Do you know the way to the RPD?"

VAN: "Of course...I have a map system built in."

JOE: "Gah! So much time wasted. Well, least we'll get there with no more problems now."

VAN: "You might want to stop first, so you don't hit him."

JOE: "Hit who?"

Joe looks forward to see a man on a scooter heading towards him. Joe turns the wheel a hard right to avoid him, but clips the scooter as the man veers to his right, losing control and crashing into a newspaper machine, sending the man flying, landing in piles of garbage. Once again, our heroes must stop and get out, to see if the man is ok. They walk over as he gets up, pulling garbage off of himself, covered in mayo and poo.

JOE: "Oh, for cryin out loud!"

TIM: "Dude, you ok? DAMN!!!" sick

ANDREW: "Yes! Andrew is fine! Andrew's scooter unfortunately isn't."

JOE: ~holding his nose~ "We didn't think anyone was left using the roads."

SARA: "Who are you?"

ANDREW: "Why, I'm the Governor!"

SPIKE: "Evenin' Guvnor." wink

ANDREW: "Welcome to my city."

MARK: "Your city?"

ANDREW: "That's right... Raccoon City."

LUKE: "What's going on? Are things like this everywhere?"

ANDREW: "No, not as far as Andrew has heard. It is more a local problem. Our neighboring towns; Wolverine City, Badger City, Hawkeye City and Buckeye City, seem unaffected as of now."

FLIP: "Wolverine City sucks."

Phyllis laughs and Joe quickly gives Flip a swift kick in the ass, causing him to yell "OW!" and rub his bum.

RYO: "Hopefully this can be dealt with and contained."

MARK: "Why the hell does he keep referring to himself in the 3rd person?"

ANDREW: "That is the way Andrew speaks."

RYO: "Andrew sounds like an idiot."

ANDREW: "Andrew likes being an idiot."

THORIN: "Me too!" grin

ANDREW: "May I ride with you?"

JOE: "No room."

ANDREW: ~looking in the van~ "Well, there's a spot, if you just remove that beer keg."

SPIKE: "Like hell!"

PHYLLIS: "That's standard equipment."

RYO: "Yeah, It's uh...welded in. Can't be removed."

ANDREW: "Well, I must be going then. See if I can find my way back to the bridge."

SARA: "He certainly is a strange one."

PHYLLIS: "Strange? He's a weirdo."

JOE: "Well, whattya expect? He's wearin a Boston shirt. Of course he's strange."

Andrew goes puttering away on his damaged scooter, that sounds like it's going to conk out any minute. As everyone watches him leave, Kenneth notices something down the street. It looks like a body.

KENNETH: "What have we got here?"

AMBER: "Duh! It's called a dead body."

They walk up to it and see it's a girl with bite marks on her body.

KENNETH: "Man, what a mess! What could have done this?"

Suddenly, groans come from down the block and a group of people head towards our heroes. Everyone gets a bit nervous and starts to back up.

STEVEN: "What ARE these things?"

JOSH: "Alright, that’s far enough! Don’t move! Don't..... move!"

Aishole screams as the zombie on the ground, comes alive and bites his leg.


Kenneth shoots down and kills the zombie, but the mob continues moving forward. Everyone starts shooting, but the zombies aren't stopping. Aishole backs into another 2 zombies, which take bites out of him. He screams as the others shoot at the zombies. They get hit with bullets, but keep coming towards them.

KENNETH: "What’s up with this guy,that was a clean hit!"

AMBER: "Because you suck and can't aim straight!"

TIM: "Oi! We need to get back to the Van!"

JOE: "Mad Dog....we need you!"

VAN: "I'll be right there!"

Suddenly, an explosion goes off in the distance, down the street, as some telephone wires from the poles snapped and ignited gasoline from a leaking car. The pole crashes across the street, shooting sparks, blocking the way to the van, setting off an explosion.

VAN: "F*** THIS!!! I'm outta here!" ~speeds off the other way~

JOE: "NO! Don't go!" ~reaching out towards the van~

Everybody heads back towards an alley, as the zombies follow. They keep firing their handguns at the zombies, but more keep coming. Joe unloads his machinegun at the zombies.

KENNETH: "I'm running out of ammo!" ~ka-pow~

JOE: "Speak for yourself." ~BRAT-A-TAT-A-TAT-A-TAT-TAT!!!!!!!!!~

They come to the door to a cafe and it swings open and 4 figures are there. Joe has his gun pointed right at them, which makes the girl scream, as a zombie closes in.

STEPH: "Don't shoot!"

JOE: "Get down!"

Steph and the 3 guys duck, as Joe shoots 1 bullet into the zombie and it falls back dead. There are numerous grumblings of "BS! One bullet?Gimme a break," how that just happened. Joe reaches out his hand to Steph, to help her up.

JOE: "Are you ok? We can't stay out here. We need to get to the police station, It'll be a lot safer."

LEVITO: "Glad to see you again, Joe. The store went nuts after you guys left. Bunch of monsters running around, hitting, biting and slashing everybody. And that was just when we started the huge discount sale! Then the zombies showed up."

JOE: "Glad you made it out ok. It may be a while before you can go back."

LEVITO: "Oh F*** that! I quit! No more Hel-Mart for me!" happy

Steph, Dias_Flac, Darklord Zero and Levito are standing a few feet away from each other now. DLZ is holding his arm, which is bleeding pretty bad from a big bite.

DIAS_FLAC: "I don't know why I am even here with them? I serve no purpose being in this story. I'm just a guy in the restaurant, who is sore and tired. This isn't right."

DARKLORD ZERO: "I need to go to the hospital. The waiter in there... That guy's a maniac! Why’d he bite me?"

LEVITO: "Maybe he didn't like your cheap s*** tip."

DARKLORD ZERO: "In any case, I have priority over the others. I need to be helped first! I'm so weak, I can hardly stand."

JOE: "Ok, fine.... Lemme help you to the car..."

STEPH: "Joe, thank you for saving me,you are my Hero. I've got Beer and Cookies to celebrate with you."

Steph smiles, holding B&C in each hand, while showing off some cleavage. Joe immediately ignores the injured man, making a sharp left turn, heading straight for Steph. DLZ goes to reach for Joe's hand, but falls as he moves it away, falling to the floor in pain. Levito laughs and stands directly over DLZ, mocking him, pointing in his face.

LEVITO: "HaHa! You just got Owned!"

Levito has instantaneously made a picture in the few seconds that passed. He holds up a picture of DLZ falling face first onto the concrete and the words: 'JOEWNED BITCH!!!!' above him. The N00b Owning song plays in the background, along with Sean Connery in the corner of the pic, pointing towards Joe saying, "You're the man now, dog!"

RYO: "We need to get out of here."

Dias_Flac stretches tiredly, with his mouth wide, making a loud groan. Phyllis spins around and empties the clip, filling Dias with bullets, as he falls to the ground dead.

PHYLLIS: "Gotcha, zombie!"

ROB: "Sufferin Succotash!"

TIM: "Uh... Phyllis? I think he was just yawning."

PHYLLIS: "Oh.... Oops?"

They all get up and head around the building, coming out the other side. Some zombies stop to chomp on Dias, but more zombies are coming, moving towards them with their hands out. Levito and Steph jump in Steven's car and take off, with DLZ hanging onto the roof.

STEVEN: "Hey! That is an Unofficial police issue! You can't take that!"

JOSH: "I believe they just did."

STEVEN: "Oh, shut up!"

SARA: "Great. Now what do we do?"

MARK: "Run Bitch, RUN!!!"

The groups go running off down the street, not entirely sure where they are going, but making sure they distance themselves from the pack. Eventually, they make a right and slow their pace, walking slow, to catch their breaths. They notice a man standing on the next corner, but he does not appear to be a zombie.

SPIKE: "Good thing I got my new Trainers on me."

JOE: "Where to now?"

RYO: "Let's ask that guy, maybe he knows."

The groups approach the man and notice he is wearing a suit of plastic armor. They greet him and he lifts the visor and addresses the group, speaking in a unemotional, dull monotone.

MOONSTRUCKNIGHT: "I'm the all-knowing Knight of the Moon. What is it you seek?"

THORIN: "HaHa! I can see Moon's moon." mischief

Moon turns around and quickly fixes his rear plate.

MOONSTRUCKNIGHT: "I've been meaning to fix that."

SPIKE: "I gotta tinkle. I'll be right back."

MOONSTRUCKNIGHT: "Alley is right over there. The back of it has seen more urine than a NY Subway Station. Feel free to contribute more."

RYO: "No,that's not what we came for. We need to get to the RPD. Know the way?"

MOONSTRUCKNIGHT: "The Police Department of the City of the stripped tailed rodent, is just over yonder. ~points~ That way! About 10 blocks down, 2 blocks over."

RYO: "Thanks for your help. Let's go guys."

The group heads down the block, when all of a sudden, zombies come running in at crimson speed, in one huge pack. They are growling and ready to kill them. Things look very bleak at the moment.

TIM: "What are we going to do? We're surrounded!"

RYO: "Damnit! It's all because of those high charges and fees from the credit card. I told you we bought too much s***!"

The zombies are right in front of the Stars members now and they reach out to slash.

PHYLLIS: "Relax guys... I've got a Capcom One card."

She holds it up and the zombies stop in their tracks, groaning in frustration, as they turn away, leaving them alone. The disappointed zombies walk away, slowly shuffling down the street. One notices Moon, and walks over to him, with the others soon following his lead.

FRESHLY MADE ZOMBIE: "What's in YOUR wallet?"

Moon stands there, looking back and forth at all the zombies. He nervously rummages through his wallet, as the zombies wait impatiently, standing close by. He takes out a card and holds it up, hoping it will satisfy them.

MOONSTRUCKNIGHT: "Uh.... A membership card to Marty's Magic Mountain?"


High pitched screaming echoes in the street, as the zombies break the plastic armor and begin to dig in, tearing open his chest and ripping off his arms and legs. Spike comes walking out from the alley, pulling up his zipper, wondering what's going on.

SPIKE: "That feels much better. Where's the Knight?"

JOE: "He got turned into a Moon Pie. Let's get outta here!"



----------------FILE B--------------------

'For Queen and Country....Cake and Shotguns'

The groups keep running, following the directions the kooky knight gave them. They get to one area that is blocked off and have to make a detour. As they get to another section, they are unsure which way to go. While they stand around debating, Rob taps Joe's shoulder and points to his left. Joe taps RYO and everyone else turns to look. There is a bald old man with glasses, leaning against a Bus that says 'Six Flags' on the side of it. The Stars members stare at each other confusingly and then back at the man. Suddenly, 'We Like to Party,' by the Venga Boys starts playing loud, and the old man starts kicking his legs out,dancing around to the music. pics/SixFlagsDipshit.jpg

As the song jams on, he starts smiling and waving for the group to follow him onto the bus. He keeps dancing as the Bus doors open and starts to walk up the steps. Multiple zombie hands quickly grab him and pull him in, as screams and tearing sounds are heard. The song gets abruptly cut off and a bloody pair of glasses comes flying out of the Bus.

RYO: "Well, we're certainly not going that way."

JOE: "Good! One less annoying dumbass to worry about. Let's go this way."

The groups continue running until eventually, they finally come to an intersection, where a large Oil Tanker, has crashed into a police car. There is still a fire going, but it has lessened in a certain area, to allow access. They can either go straight or make a left.

JOE: "Where to now, RYO?"

RYO: "I dunno... He didn't say anything about the big tanker mashed into the car!"

JOE: "This is the prick that hit us. Good for him! "

JOSH: ~talking to the others~ "Hello, I'm Josh, by the way."

KENNETH: "Hello Josh... I'm Kenneth... Now Listening To: 'This Fire' by Franz Ferdinand."

RYO: "You made me buy a stack of CDs, yet you keep listening to 1 damn song on 1 CD!?"

KENNETH: "Gotta love the repeat button." mischief

RYO: "Argh!" frustrated

JOSH: "Well, I'm now listening to Lauren Hill."

Joe grabs the player, takes out the cd, and flings it against the wall, shattering it.

JOSH: "Hey!"

JOE: "We don't listen to crap on this team."

AMBER: "Maybe we should get moving instead of talking."

RYO: "But... this isn't supposed to be like this. We were supposed to be here earlier. Now this will probably throw things off from the original script."

JOE: "Damnit! Ok,let's separate. We'll split into 2 groups and meet up at the RPD. Maybe that'll get us back on track. Everybody be careful and stay with your group."

LUKE: "But why split up? Wouldn't it be safer to stay together as a group?"

JOE: "We have to part... get separated by an unescapable destiny. This is the beginning of our worst nightmare."

LUKE: "....oook."

RYO: "Well, this way leads to the back of the Police Station. That way leads to Robert Kendo's Gun shop and is the long way around."

JOE: "Ok... we'll go this way and you guys go that way." whistling

Joe, Amber and RYO, join up with Tim, Spike, Kenneth and Sara, heading straight. Phyllis, hearing about a gun shop, follows Mark, Luke, Flip, Rob, Thorin, Steven, Josh and Aishole, heading to the left.


Meanwhile.... in a different part of town.... a pair of Umbrella Mercenaries are cleaning up a particular street. They are in a dark green pick up truck with a machinegun in the back. After unloading numerous rounds into a group of zombies ahead of them, The one in the back, motions the driver to come help him.

BOND: "Give me the shotgun. Time to eradicate these zombie pricks."

CHAD: "Yea! Here you go. I hate these zombies... nothing but a bunch of f***tard noobs."

Chad fires his Desert Eagle, at a few zombies in the front, splattering their brains on the wall and killing them. Bond sees some figures coming towards the back of the truck, cocks the shotgun and starts shooting them, one at a time, moving from his left, to right, aiming for the heads.

ZOMBIE1: "Uhhhhhh." ~KA-BLAM!~

ZOMBIE2: "UghUghUgh." ~KA-BLAM!~

ANDREW: "Nodon'tshoot!" ~KA-BLAM!!!~


CHAD: "Wait a minute.... hold up."

BOND: "WHAT?!?! You're ruining my zombie killing fun!"

CHAD: "I don't think that was a zombie."

BOND: "Of course it was, you fool! It had half a face!"

CHAD: "No, not that last one, the one before it."

BOND: "Yes, it was a zombie!"

CHAD: "How can you tell?"

BOND: "Easy... he was wearing a Red Sox shirt. Only a Red Sox fan would be stupid enough to let themselves get bit."

CHAD: "Is that really accurate?"

BOND: "Of COURSE it is! Look around... do you see any Zombies wearing any Yankees, Indians or Devil Rays shirts?"

CHAD: "Well, no but..."

BOND: "Ok then! It's settled. The Red Sox stink! You could actually smell it on him."

CHAD: "Hey, you never know. The Red Sox could win it all someday."

BOND: "HA! Have you lost your mind? That'll never happen. There's about as much chance of that happening, as us actually having an adventure with no zombies. How stupid would THAT be?"

CHAD: "Yea, that'd be pretty dumb."

BOND: "Now, drive on and stop wasting valuable Zombie killing time." ^-^

CHAD: ~looks at the bodies~ "Dude.... wasn't that the Mayor though .... or someone important?"

BOND: "I don't care if he was Mayor McCheese. You come towards me, wearing something as offensive as that, you are just asking to be shot. Now drive on my boy, drive on!"

Chad gets behind the wheel and starts to drive to another area, as Bond fires away. Perhaps, this is not the last we will see of them.... but that is another story.


Phyllis and company, run down the street, firing at the zombies that come towards them. They have to maneuver between the zombies and crashed vehicles, on the road. As they run past Tony's Kitchen, Phyllis is not happy with her handguns.

PHYLLIS: "I can't stand these pieces of s***! I need something more powerful."

As they are running, Aishole gets grabbed by a zombie and bitten in the shoulder. He pushes it away and shoots it, but another Zombie grabs him on the other side and bites the other shoulder. He screams and fires his gun at that one, knocking it back. The road ahead is blocked off, so they have to head to their left. They run down the street, blasting more zombies, until they see a black jeep parked in front of a store, with a 'Gun Shop Kendo' sign on it. They open the door and after the door loads, they take 1 step inside, get frozen in place and see a gun pointed at them.

KENDO: "FREEZE! Who are you? Whattya doing here?"

PHYLLIS: "Don't shoot! We're a human!"

KENDO: ~lowering his shotgun~ "Ohhh, Sorey about that, Babe. I thought you were one of them!"

ROB: "So you thought we were zombies....and figured you'd ask us a question, expecting an answer? Not the sharpest tool in the shed are you, Bob Kendo?"

KENDO: "I go by Rob, actually."

ROB: "No you DON'T! You're not defiling the good 'Rob' name, ruining it for the rest of us!" angry

KENDO: "Oh,ok. You can call me Bob if it makes you happy, little buddy."

PHYLLIS: "What's going on in this town?"

KENDO: "Hold on. ~locks the door~ I ain't got no clue, Darlin. By the time I figured out something was wrong, the entire city was infested with Zombies!"

JOSH: "Oh man! We have to get out of here! Let's head back to where the others went."

PHYLLIS: "We can't, the streets are no longer secure."

STEVEN: "Sure they are. We just cleared the streets of zombies."

PHYLLIS: "Try and open the door."

Steven does so, but instead of exiting, a message comes up, prohibiting him from leaving, saying: 'The streets are no longer secure.'

PHYLLIS: "See? I told you. Is there another way out of here?"

KENDO: "Sure, the back door is right there behind the counter. But don't you worry, girlie.... you'll be safe in here. I'm keeping a close eye on things."

PHYLLIS: "Oh yea... I feel so safe." rolling_eyes

The other members are rummaging around, finding empty boxes, looking at notes. Kendo comes over, still flirting with Phyllis.

KENDO: "Hey there cutie pie. My, you sure are a pretty little thing. What do you say we step into my secret private office, maybe get to know each other better?" ~rubs his chin~

PHYLLIS: "The chance of that happening, like yourself, is FAT."

KENDO: "Oh come on, sugar... Don't play hard to get. I'll make it worth your while."

PHYLLIS: "You haven't got anything I want, to make my while worth it."

KENDO: "Tell you what there, baby.... you come and play nice with Big Bob here, and I'll hook you up with a nice weapon.... say a shotgun?"

PHYLLIS: "You're unbelievable! With all the stupid little names that you've been calling me and your disheveled appearance, there is no damn way I'm going to do ANYthing with you, except kick your .......... shock ........ Shotgun!?!"

Meanwhile the others are preparing themselves to leave, after reading the notes.

LUKE: "Damnit're getting blood on my suit! Go bleed over there before I strangle you and leave you in a dumpster!"

AISHOLE: "But I'm hurt. I'm really quite good. I'll be a lot more helpful, once I heal."

FLIP: "You actually suck pretty hard. You're only here as Zombie fodder."

"Hey, this note says Barry ordered a 'Raging Bull.' What do you suppose that is?"

THORIN: "Knowing him...Probably one of those super deluxe dildos or something."

LUKE: "We need to keep moving, this place isn't safe."

ROB: "Yea... plus we have to meet up with the others. Where did Phyllis go?"

Suddenly, part of the wall slides open in the back and Phyllis enters the room. Kendo comes walking out behind her with a huge grin on his face.

PHYLLIS: "Ready to go boys?" ~cocks her shotgun~

KENDO: "Oh, that was grand. You stop by again real soon, sweet thing."

Everyone just stares at each other uncomfortably for a moment.

STEVEN: "Oh, Phyllis....." sick

PHYLLIS: "Be quiet! Well, come ON already! The clock is ticking! Let's move out of here!"

Everyone starts to head out. Mark walks by, looking at his gun unhappily, loading it and checking the sight.

KENDO: "Hey want me to fix that for you? I can make it even better." happy

MARK: "Aren't you the guy that fixed Barry's gun, before we got sent to the mansion?" raised_brow
KENDO: "I sure am.... that's me." ~smiles proudly.~ grin

MARK: "Yea... I thought so.... NO THANKS!" talk_hand

KENDO: "Huh? How come?" confused

MARK: "I like to fire bullets that actually KILL what I'm shooting at." plain


As everyone leaves through the back, they hear the front window smashing in and Kendo screaming as zombie groans drown him out. Having given up his shotgun, he now had no weapon to defend himself with. Everyone looks at each other, shakes their heads slowly and then continue down the back alley. After that, they come across some zombies in a basketball court, to their right, banging on the closed entrance gate. The group continues straight, but there is a Kendo van blocking the way. The gate breaks open and the zombies walk down the alley towards them, boxing them in.

THORIN: "It's a TRAP!!!!"

PHYLLIS: "Calm down Thorin. We can handle them."

ROB: "Why can't we just climb over the van? The RPD is right there."

PHYLLIS: "No. The van prohibits us from going further. We must fight our way back!"

ROB: "Damn that Bob Kendo!" frustrated

The zombies are pretty easily taken care of...except one does a basketball player sized leap at Aishole and takes a few chunks out of his leg, before it's killed. The group then heads into the court, towards the exit on the other side.

THORIN: "Look at this. 'Above E Rim'? 'Blood on Dance'? What is that? These guys suck at graffiti."

Steven picks up the basketball and tries a hook shot.... but it bounces off the rim and hits Josh in the head.

JOSH: "Ow! You stupid fool!"

STEVEN: "It was an accident!"

Josh grabs the basketball and throws it at Steven, completely missing him. Instead, the ball hits the wall and ricochets into Aishole's arm, spraying blood into the air, causing a scream of agony.



Everyone quickly quiets up meekly, startled by the voice, as Aishole whimpers in pain.

PHYLLIS: "Let's keep moving."

They head into the next area, which leads them by a dumpster. They need to climb over the dumpster to jump down into the next area, where a few zombies are walking around. The group dodges, shoots, kills and makes it to the end, congratulating themselves on making it without a scratch.... that is... except Aishole, whose face is covered in vomit and blood. Josh looks up at the billboard.

JOSH: "You know, I wouldn't mind one of them 'GLEAM' watches. They look nice."

STEVEN: "That figures."

JOSH: "Now, what do you mean by that?"

STEVEN: ~making limp arm movements~ "Oh, look at me GLEAM! I'm a GLEAMER!"

JOSH: "You take that back, Steven!"

STEVEN: "Take that back... or to the back?"

PHYLLIS: "Enough. Both of you keep moving."

As they enter the next area, everybody walks in slowly, as Aishole holds his arm across his torso. A group of zombies are chomping on some poor bastard in the street. There are dead customers sitting at outside tables at a restaurant. As soon as the group passes the Mini Cooper, the zombies take notice, stop eating for some reason and stand to attack the group.

Bullets are fired, zombies are killed and the group remains unscathed. Except.... of course... Aishole.... who is now bleeding immensely. After making it through a bus, past some burning fire engines, and killing zombies, Aishole is limping horribly.

PHYLLIS: "Here we are, guys! The Police Station!"

THORIN: "Come on Ais, you're almost there."

Aishole smiles and limps towards the gate. Maybe there he can get some health. Out of nowhere, a black crow flies by, caws and pecks Ais on the head once,causing him to fall down and die. The crow flies off and everyone goes into the gate.

ROB: "What an Aishole. Who gets killed by a crow?"

THORIN: "Tough break, man.... so close."

As they enter the courtyard to the RPD, they see a few zombies. Since they were getting low on ammo, they decide to head left, to run through the downstairs alley. As they do, there is a Zombie with a yellow jacket on, coming towards them quickly.

MATT: "Uhhhhhh....duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude."

PHYLLIS: "Oh crap! It's Matt! What the hell happened to him?!"

MARK: ~shooting~ "I don't know...but he's taking a lot of damn bullets to go down!"

After he finally dies, Mark informs the others, that Matt was a teammate. They look at his zombified body and search him, finding a key... and multiple coffee house coupons.

ROB: "What the heck is he doing with this key anyway?"

LUKE: "Whatever it's for, it may be useful. Let's hold onto it. Here Phyllis."

PHYLLIS: "Hmmm, maybe it's for the locker where he keeps his X-Files collection!" devil

Running up the other side, and into the big doors, half our heroes are finally in.... the RPD.


COMING ATTRACTIONS......... ~Spooky Trip Hop music plays~

Hip Hop Horror........ is coming to a neighborhood near you.

VIBE,Source and Pound Magazines present: "Projects Evil: Beborn" - Ghettohazard

STARRING: THE NOTORIOUS WESKER.~slicks back his hair and fixes his dark shades~

OL DIRTY BARRY WHITE BURTON.~blows a kiss to the camera and points~

CHRIS 'C-DIDDY' REDFIELD.~makes a weird twitchy face to the camera~

FOXY JILLEQUA VALENTINE~has a big heart on her shirt, cocks her gun~

JOSEPH 'J-LOVE' FROSTY ICED TEA BAG ~nods his head to some music~

RADICAL RICK AIKEN ~shakes his head with numerous wounds and bandages~

BRAD 'ONETY CENT' VICKERS ~looks around all scared and runs off camera~

ENRICO SUAVE ~plays with his moustache, raising his eyebrows~

and LIL Ms. REBECCA 'SHANTE' CHAMBERS ~smiles and fixes her handband, which causes her boob to pop out. She quickly covers it with one hand, as the cameraman zooms in, and she smacks the camera guy with the other.

A tale of terror...... Mysterious murders....
We see our heroes, running through the forest. J-Love found a hair pic...with a hand attached to it. He screams and then gets torn to pieces by the dog pound.

C-DIDDY: "Jill, we gots ta move, fo' the dogs be all up on our ass,ya dig?"

JILLEQUA: ~blowing on her extremely long fake nails~ "But my nails are still wet."

~Helicopter flyin overhead....~

C-DIDDY: "Yo Brad..where you goin, Foo!?"

~Bang! ~

WESKER: "ChrisMoveYoASS!"

C-DIDDY: "Jill... head for dat crib!"

They enter the Mansion and look around.

C-DIDDY: "Yo Barry...where you at?"

WESKER: "Well, I'm sorry dog....That fat ass is probably...."


Jill moves towards the door as Wesker goes to stop her.

WESKER: "Jill! Stop it! Don't open that door, you crazy ass bitch!!! You tryin ta get us killed?! You do that again and Ima bust a cap in yo ass!!!"

Later on, we see Chris enter a room and get maced in the face!

C-DIDDY: "Yo, Wot da F***?!"

LIL REBECCA: "Das right Zombie!!! Try ta sneak up on me and I Tyson yo ass!!!"

C-DIDDY: "BITCH! It's me...C-Diddy! Put dat s*** away!"

LIL REBECCA: "I'm sorry,baby. I thought you wuz one a them skanky ass zombies. You aight?"

C-DIDDY: "Dis s*** hurts like a mutha!"

LIL REBECCA: "Lay down in da bed, baby. I fix you up."

In the next scene, the bed is squeaking as LiL Ms. Chambers is riding Chris, doing the jiggle effect, as he smacks her ass. Suddenly Bill Cosby's face comes on the screen, in the corner. pics/Cosby1.jpg
COS: "Jigglers!!!"

C-DIDDY: "Wot da F***?!"

COS: "I would like to talk to youuuu. Ya see..... You really shouldn't be doin this sort of thing, with the young lady. All the humpinnnnn and the bumpinnnnn, Ah Ah Ah... pics/Cosby2.gif
Especially without a condom. Ya see, this is what happens, when you kids listen to the rap music."

LIL REBECCA: "I can do whatevah the hell I want! You need to get yo ass outta heah!" ~snaps~

C-DIDDY: "What the hell are you doin here?! Why ya tryin to be all up in my bi-ness?"

COS: "Now Theoooooo. There's noooooo need for hostility. Why don't you kids come listen to the Jazz and have some Jell-O pudding pops?" ~takes out a box of pops,puts Jazz music on and starts doing the Cosby dance~ pics/cosby3.jpg

C-DIDDY: "My name ain't Theo! Man, GET the F*** outta here!!!! Take ya damn stupid pops too."

COS: "Rudyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

Chris grabs the Cos by the back, as he makes weird faces and pushes him out the door.

In the next scene, we see Jillequa, finding a broken saxophone and then teammate, Kenny G, dead. A zombie sees her and starts chasing her. She runs into the next room, for help.

JILLEQUA: "Barryyyyyyy! A Monsta!"

The zombie has his hands out, each finger has a chunky gold ring on it, spelling out a name.

BARRY: "Jill, look out! Dis Mofo iz crazy!"

The zombie goes right up to Barry and nearly gets him. Barry shoots 3 times and the zombie goes to sleep.

JILLEQUA: "Are you aight, Barry?"

BARRY: "Yea. Don't worry Jill....I've got THIS!" ~grabs the bulge between his legs~ "Wanna see it? We can make sweet loooove."

JILLEQUA: "Uh...maybe some otha time, Barry." sick ~quickly runs back to the main hall~

We see Chris walking into a room and finding a white can. A prompt comes up asking: 'You found Geri-Curl. Pick up Geri-Curl?' As Chris nods and picks it up, Yawn,the big ass snake,comes bursting into the room. Chris takes out his weapon, ready to square off. Rick comes flying into the room to save him and gets quickly gobbled down. Suddenly Samuel L. Jackson steps in and flicks out a handgun. pics/SamuelSOAP.jpg

SAMMY J: "Get the f*** goin, Chris. I'll handle this MOTHAF**** Snake!"

C-DIDDY: "Word up, my man." ~talking to the screen~ "We gots ta contact Brad and get the F*** out."

The scene switches to Jill, as she leans down to Rick, who is injured.

JILLEQUA: "What chu be doin?"

RICK: "Dyin."

JILLEQUA: "Hang loose, brotha. I'm a get you some stuff for da poison."

As he lays there, watching Jill leave, he smiles, displaying his gold teeth and nods his head.

RICK: "I'd tap dat ass."

Later on, we see Jill in the Aquafina Ring. Rick comes bounding in, full of bandages.

RICK: "Yo, I finally got free of dat snake. Now I can escape with you, Jill."

Suddenly all the Neptunes converge on Rick and he makes a face of futility.

RICK: "Aw man, this is some bullsh.."

Rick screams as he gets quickly gobbled down. Samuel L. Jackson comes walking in again, picking up Rick's shotgun. pics/samjackson2.jpg

SAMMY J: "Go on, Jill. I'll distract these fish faced bitches! Get yo ass up in that control room and send these MOTHAF***** sharks down the MOTHAF**** drain!!!"

Jill moves towards the control room, as Jackson shoots his gun at the Neptunes. Music gets tense as they quickly swim towards him.

SAMMY J: "Come on MOTHAF*****!!! This ain't the Deep Blue Sea, bitch!" ~Ka-Blam~

See them fight the deformed monstrosity, Lisa Lisa and the fearsome Tupac Tyrant!!
~scenes show the characters running around, shooting at a large humanoid with a do rag, large claws and wearing a Raiders jersey. ~
An explosion is seen and the red logo for the movie appears in the middle of it.
Coming soon to BET!


Now back to our adventure....

As the STARS team enters the RPD, they hear some eerie music and are frozen in place, as the camera focuses in on the room.

STEVEN: "Well.... that was weird."

JOSH: "You said it."

STEVEN: "I know I just said it."

JOSH: "I KNOW you know that you said it... I just said you said it."

STEVEN: "You said it, like everyone doesn't know who said it."

JOSH: "I said it because I agree with what you said, and how you said it."

STEVEN: "Well then, what's the point in saying it?"

PHYLLIS: "SHUTUP!!!!!!!" angry

THORIN: "Yikes! Phyllis scary!" pics/scaredcat-1.jpg

PHYLLIS: "I should've stayed with the other team."

LUKE: "Speaking of which... where are they?"

JOSH: "They're not here."

STEVEN: "Well of COURSE they're not here! Everyone can see that, you twit."

JOSH: "Who you callin twit, you tosser!"

Steven and Josh start wrestling with each other on the floor while everyone walks around them, noticing the doors in the room.

ROB: "Let's take a look around and check those doors. Hmmm, it seems like they are electronically locked."

PHYLLIS: "And just how do you know that without us checking them first?"

ROB: "Uh.... I..." ~takes out his script and scans it~

THORIN: "You have 2 lines mashed together! You skipped over our whole searching the room. I had a door checking scene that goes to waste now. You're cutting down my screen time! Thanks Rob."

ROB: "Well, it was an honest mistake." ~tucks away the script~

Now realizing there was only one door they could open, they open, load in, and see a bloody mess of a room. A groan alerts them to an injured cop, lying to their left.

ROB: "Oh man!"

LUKE: "Hang in there! Are you the only officer left in the building?"

MARVIN: "Who...who are you?"

MARK: "We're from the Psycho Squad."

MARVIN: "Oh... it's you guys. I mean ... glad to see you."

LUKE: "This place looks like a war zone. What happened? How did you get so injured?"

MARVIN: "I....I don't know. I managed to make it in here.... but didn't have any major injuries. I was unconscious for a while, ....and woke up like this, bloody and battered."

PHYLLIS: "Marvin, you need to talk to us. We need some VERY important information. What happened to the party..... and where's the cake?"

MARVIN: "Sorry, but it looks like... your party .... has been canceled."

PHYLLIS: "Canceled? What do you mean Canceled? We didn't go through all that nonsense getting here for nothing!"

Josh and Steven come rushing in, hair a mess and clothes all ruffled.

JOSH: "What'd we miss? Is the party over already?"

STEVEN: "Whoa, what happened to this guy?"

LUKE: "Why don't you just tell us what happened here, Marvin?"

MARVIN: "Well... about two months ago...there was this involving zombie-like creatures ... in a mansion located in the outskirts of this... city." ~Everyone starts checking their watches, moving their hands in a circle for him to speed it up~ "Chris ..... and the other STARS members... discovered that.... Umbrella ...was behind everything." ~Loud sighs as they impatiently wait for him to finish~ "They risked their lives to reveal the truth..... But no one... believed them... Not long after that... all THIS started to happen. Uhhhhhh!"

Marvin doubles over in pain and Phyllis grabs him and sits him back up.

PHYLLIS: "The CAKE, man!! What about the cake?!! Tell me where it is, damn you!!!" ~shakes Marvin violently~

MARVIN: "Uhhhh! UHHHHH!!!!"

MARK: "Er, Phyllis.... I think you're killing him."

PHYLLIS: "He just wants to keep it for himself! The selfish bastard!" frustrated

Mark finally removes Phyllis from Marvin's shirt until she finally composes herself.

ROB: "Hang in there, Marvin."

MARVIN: "Don’t worry about me... just rescue the survivors in the other rooms. Here, take this key card you should be able to unlock the doors in the hall with this. Now go!"

MARK: "Ok guys, let's go."

Everyone starts to walk away, when a delirious Marvin points his gun at them.

MARVIN: "Just go!"

STEVEN: "Uh, we're going. Can't you see that?"

JOSH: "Maybe he needs glasses. Did you lose your glasses?" nerd

ROB: "Fine, but we're coming back for you, just hold on! You're gonna be ok."

THORIN: "No he's not. Black dude in a horror story? He's as good as dead!"

Rob smacks Thorin in the head to get him to be quiet, as poor Marvin passes out.



Ok....the reason why I'm not posting the update today is, I just wanted to edit.....

~sees a crowd quickly form around him, with weapons raised~

Uh...on 2nd thought.... maybe I will post it today. worried Edit schemedit. You people are worse than the chars I write!

Anyway, I figure people can use it. Monday's usually a bore. Whether you may be dealin with crap at work or home or school, or team is now out of it in Football, hopefully this'll make you a bit chipper. Enjoy.

---------------FILE C----------------

'Boobies are a Man's Best Friend'

Now we flip back to the other side, to see how Joe and company are doing. Heading away from the wreck, they run straight down the street, shooting at the zombies.

SARA: "Jinkies! The zombies are getting closer!"

TIM: "Don't worry.... We can handle them."

Joe, Amber and Tim, fired away at the zombies, sending them stumbling back. RYO discovers the body of a mercenary, lying next to a hot dog stand, and finds a note that he left. Spike, having checked out the stores nearby, comes back with 5 hamburgers, a few candy bars and a bottle of blue Coca Cola. Kenneth decides to use his bow and arrows. One of the arrows goes into the headlight of the car next to Joe.

JOE: "What the...? Kenneth,what are you doing?!"

KENNETH: "Firing at the zombies with the new Bow&Arrows I found."

JOE: "Yea well... use a damn gun, LegoASS! You're not a f***** Elf!"

SPIKE: "Aaaa.... that was good." ~taps his tummy and lets out a belch.~

JOE: "Ya mind givin us a hand here, Spike?"

SPIKE: "Not at all, mate."

The zombies are pretty easily dispatched and everyone gathers together, as they reach the back gate of the RPD. The group was upbeat, having faced only menial resistance.

JOE: "Ha,I can't believe those suckers took the long way. We're at the RPD already." tongue

RYO: "Hmmm, another file for my collection."

Mercenary Log
September 28th Things are looking bleak.
Dawn's here, but we're still slogging through this nightmare. There are no provisions of any kind here. The undead walk the streets feeding upon the flesh of the living. That's not the worst part. The only movie they have in this place to watch is 'Leprechaun.' Given the choice again, I would rather have been executed. Anaconda was a masterpiece compared to that piece of crap. Monsters are everywhere. Umbrella sent us in, but I don't think`they expect us to come out. Well, even though things are chaotic, and I should be looking for a means of escape, I think I'll sit down and write this note in my journal. This way, someone can come along and read it after I'm dead. So if you are reading this right now... I guess I'm dead. The End.

RYO: "How thoughtful of him. I guess he went from 'Agent of Hire to Agent Expire." ~laughs at himself~

SARA: "Guys, more zombies are coming."

AMBER: "We better keep moving."

Everybody quickly moves through the gate, watching it load with a loud squeak. As they get to the other side, they see they are in the courtyard. They can hear zombies behind them on the other side of the gate. Joe and RYO grit their teeth and load everyone back to the street. Mysteriously... after they get though the loading squeaky gate, the zombies are nowhere to be found. Disappointed, they turn back and head into the Courtyard. Hearing groans behind them, make Joe and RYO turn around, as the zombies appear again, outside the gate. They grumble, heading back into the street, but once more, the streets are silent, no zombies to be found. Clearly these zombies were part of the magic storm that plagued the Mansion. RYO looks at Joe and they both slowly nod. This time, they slowly tiptoe back through the loading screen. As they stand by the gate and the camera shows the zombies behind them, Joe carefully turns around in place, and starts shooting the zombies there, through the gate. RYO spins and does the same.

KENNETH: "What are you doing?! Stop wasting ammo, you don't need to kill them."

JOE: "On this team, we kill ALL the monsters!!! Come on, let's get 'em!" ~Bratatatatat!!~

RYO: "DieDieDie!!!" skull ~KapowKapowKapowKapow!!~

The others start shooting at the zombie cops in the courtyard,that start to walk towards them. Sara pulls out her handgun and starts shooting at one closest to her, running into a little office on her right. There is a key on a ring in there and a briefcase. She takes some ammo from the desk and grabs the key. After the zombies are killed, Sara opens the door and they all load inside, after watching the door open and close. Once they're inside, they hear the gate crashing and multiple groans. They all turn around and look towards the door curiously, but leave it alone. Looking around the room, they find a Red Herb, some Handgun Ammo, Ink Ribbons and a Typewriter.

RYO: "Let ME handle this. I'm a Pro."

RYO sets a ribbon, hits the key and it types out his name with a 01 next to it.

AMBER: "Oh yea. What talent you have to press a button."

RYO: "I know, right? Even the Typewriter thinks i'm #1!"

AMBER: "Uh...I think that just means the first file saved."

RYO: "Whatever. I'm the man!"

SARA: "What, pray tell, shall we do now, O Inquisitor of Ink Ribbons?"

RYO: "We press on... Move forward."

SARA: "Such insight. What would we do without you?"

SPIKE: "I wonder what that commotion was outside?"

KENNETH: "Let's go and check."

SARA: "I'm not sure that's a good idea. I looked out the window and the words "Zombies Inside!" suddenly appeared."

KENNETH: "Oh Sara, quit being a scaredy cat. We can load in, see what is going on, if there's trouble, we can always just turn around and come right back. Open it, Spike."

SPIKE: "Ok, here we go. Seems like it got a bit darker. The door is opening funny. What the F....!?"

Suddenly eerie music starts to play as 2 zombies load in during the door animation. The group screams and lunges back, trying to get away from the zombies that were let in. Shots are fired like crazy until the zombies groan and fall down. After a few seconds, they get back up and more bullets are fired until they stay down for good. After it's over, everyone turns to Kenneth with angry eyes.

AMBER: "Good job! We just wasted a bunch of ammo now because of that!"

KENNETH: "Well they tricked me! Zombies aren't supposed to be able to do that!" sad

As they go to the window and look out, they can see more zombies in the courtyard.... along with a message; 'I TOLD you Zombies inside! You stupid Son of a Bitch!'


After leaving the old boiler room, they walk down a small walkway that veers off to the right and comes to a staircase going up. As they see themselves, loading up the stairs, one very slow step at a time, they get to the top and see a cop, frantically waving his arms. There is a helicopter flying overhead.

TIM: "Yes! We're saved!"

JOE: "Now we can get outta here!"

RYO: "Well, not exactly. We can only watch, not interact."

SARA: "But if we wave to the Helicopter pilot, he'll see us and rescue us too."

RYO: "Doesn't work that way. See those black bars above and below us? This is a cut scene, guys. We can't interfere. We have to stand here and watch the FMV."

CHUNKYCOP: "Hey! Get over here!"

KENNETH: "Look, there's Chief Irons!"

RYO: "That's not Irons, you dumbass!"

PILOT: "I can't set her down. I'll drop you a rope ladder,grab onto it!"

CHUNKYCOP: "Come on.... a little closer.... Ahh! Get off me!"

2 zombies come up behind the cop and grab at him, causing him to scream and push them off, running back to the other side.

JOE: "Damnit! Let's blast 'em!"

RYO: "No, Joe!" ~lowers Joe's gun~ "I told you....we can only be observers here."

JOE: ~giving him a look~ "That's cold,man."

CHUNKYCOP: "Stay back! Don't come any closer! No!"

The cop raises his machine gun and fires at the zombies, hitting them in the chest, not slowing them down at all. The zombies close in and bite his neck and shoulders, knocking him down. The gun fires upwards, shooting up the helicopter, ripping bullets into the pilot, sending the copter out of control. As it plummets downwards, the cop struggles with the zombies on the ground, until it crashes right into them, exploding into a huge fireball. The scene ends and the group just stares at the burning wreck.

JOE: "Oh, that's just great. Let's be 'observers' he says."We can't interfere." Why help a poor guy out and get out of this chaos? This was so much better!"

AMBER: "Yea, nice going RYO."

TIM: "That's just great! Game over, man!!!"

RYO: "We just started, it's not Game Over."

TIM: "I didn't even get to have sex, man!"

RYO: "Hey hey! I'm just going by the script here, people!"

SPIKE: "Maybe we should get inside."

JOE: "Yea, good idea. Is everyone ok?"

SPIKE: "Everyone except Kenneth apparently."

RYO: "What's wrong with Kenneth?"

Spike points towards the wreck, as Kenneth dances around it, kicking his feet out to his sides, playing his Discman loud, and flailing his arms about.

KENNETH: "THIS FIRE.... is out of control! I'm going to burn this city..... BURN this city! This fire is out of control, I'm going to burn it, I'll burn it, I.. I.. I'll burn it DOWN!!!" dancing

JOE: "You better get your ass in that door before I burn your ass off this roof!!!" plain

Everybody forms up together and walks inside the door.....that is.... almost everybody.

JOE: "Ok now...everybody here?"

SPIKE: "Well, everybody except Amber."

RYO: "Where the f*** is Amber?"

Spike points outside back towards the burning helicopter. Joe and RYO go back for her, and see her singing, alternately thrusting her fists in the air, jumping excitedly, looking at the flames.

AMBER: "The Roof! The Roof! The Roof is onnnnnn FIRRRRRRRRRRE!!"

RYO: "Amber, get inside with the others! We need to find the Valve for the Water Tower, so we can increase the pressure inside, causing it to rupture and douse the fire with water."

AMBER: "We don't need no water, let the MothaF**** burn!"

RYO: "AMBER!!" frustrated

AMBER: "Burn MothaF****......... BURRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!"

RYO: "That's great, Joe. You just had to let her listen to your 80's tape, didn't you?"

JOE: "Hey c'mon...that's good stuff,man."

RYO: "Just go and get Amber, so we can continue on please."

Joe walks over and scoops Amber up and carries her inside, as she still wiggles, watching the flames and pumping her fists in joyous jubilation.

After going inside, they walk down a hallway and find the dead body of a cop, lying in the middle. They lean down and see his body is filled with scratches and pecks. Black feathers are around his body. As they investigate, Barry walks in from offset, stuffing his face with a sandwich, looking down at the body.

BARRY: "It looks like he was killed by a ....Crow or something."

RYO: "STFU Barry! What are you doing here?! You aren't supposed to be here!"

BARRY: "Well, Seth and I stepped out for some fresh air, get something to eat. I noticed this and wanted to be a part of it. I'm good at the crow stuff."

AMBER: "Will I never be rid of this man?! Is no adventure safe??" sad

JOE: "Time for you to go Barry."

BARRY: "But I just got here. I can help find out what caused.... the cop's ... death."

RYO: "Goodbye Barry." ~Unlocks the side door and shoves him out ~

BARRY: "Hey wait...." ~SLAM!~

TIM: "Well, after checking him, it appears he was pecked to death. He had a box of handgun ammo though, but nothing else."

JOE: "Check him again."

TIM: "But I just did. I told you he only had the 1 box of ammo."

JOE: "Just check him again."

Tim shrugs and does and finds another box of ammo.

TIM: "Hey! How'd that get there? How did you know?" grin

JOE: "Got an Insider's tip." grin

TIM: "Genius, Joe! Here's a box for you." grin

JOE: "Thanks, Tim" grin

The group continues on, to continue looking for the others. The hallway continues to a door, which opens into another hallway. In the hallway, a few zombies shamble forward, one of them aflame.

RYO: "Damnit, more zombies." ~Blam Blam~

JOE: "And that one's on fire! Amber can you give us a hand?" ~BLAM~

AMBER: ~clenching her fists and convulsing with a disturbed grin~ "FIREFIREFIREFIRE!!!!"

JOE: "Never mind. Spike, where are you?!"

SPIKE: "Right here, Joe....whoa." ~fires way off the mark~

TIM: "Don't worry Joe, I got your back." ~Blam Blam~

JOE: "Thanks, Tim."

After Tim helps Joe and RYO eliminate the zombies, Spike comes up to the front.

SPIKE: "Sorry bout that, mate."

JOE: "What gives, Spike? I thought you were a better shot than that."

SPIKE: "Well Joe, I'm just having a hard time shooting without spilling my beer."

JOE: "Spilling your...? Oh well....I can understand that. Here... try this."

SPIKE: "What is it?"

JOE: "It's a hat I invented. You connect the beer to the hat and the beer travels around the hat, through the straw wrapped around it, to your mouth, allowing you to drink beer and shoot at the same time."

SPIKE: "Drink beer and shoot at the same time?! BRILLIANT! Now I can drink responsibly." mischief


After killing the zombies, they open the nearest door, which leads to a Safe Room. There is a Typewriter to the left, an Item Box straight ahead and a couch next to a magazine rack. Everybody heads to the Item box, to look for any goodies and arrange their inventory. Thorin takes a few magazines from the back and puts them in his inventory.

SARA: "Ooo. I feel safe here."

JOE: "As do I. Yet... I feel a strange sense of foreboding as well. We're safe... for now."

TIM: "It's most likely due to that bloody piano."

JOE: "Yea.... but I love it!"

AMBER: "Me too."

RYO: "It seems to blend right in with the adventure, setting quite an atmosphere. In any case, we must get going. We still need to find that Valve."

As the Psycho team opens the door, they find themselves in the Main Hall of the 2nd Floor RPD. They walk around halfway, activate the emergency ladder and climb down. After looking around, they decide to enter the door closest to them. The room is a mess, and they hear a groan of pain, to their right.

SARA: "Are you ok?"

MARVIN: "Uhhhhh. Is that the rescue team?" tired

RYO: "No, but have no fear, Marvin. The Psycho Squad is here to help." cool

MARVIN: "Oh no.... not more of YOU! rolling_eyes Uh...I mean. Glad you made it."

JOE: "Dude.... What happened?"

MARVIN: "Well.... there was"

JOE: "Ok, never mind. We don't have time for this crap. Where's the beer and cookies?"

MARVIN: "The party..... has been.... can...celled."

JOE: "Whattya mean cancelled?!"

AMBER: "This is BS!"

TIM: ~grabbing Marvin with both hands~ "Where are all the hot bitches?!"

SPIKE: "What kind of soldier are you? Stop slouching!" ~kicks Marvin's side~

KENNETH: "Listen to Franz Ferdinand, that'll make you feel better." ~places headphones on Marvin's head, with music blasting~

AMBER: "Does this hurt? ~pokes his chest~ "Does this hurt?" ~pokes his bloody arm~

Amber bumps into Joe, who drops his Machinegun on Marvin's legs.

MARVIN: "Argh!!!! ENOUGH! Someone help get me out of this madness! I can suffer no more!"

SARA: "You mean the zombies?" thinking

MARVIN: "NO! You people!!!! Leave me alone and let me bleed in peace! Go!" frustrated

Everyone gets up and starts to walk towards the door. RYO turns around and comes back, crouching down and placing a pen and pad in Marvin's lap.

RYO: "Could you just do me a favor? Jot down some stuff that happened here. Your experiences and such. Be sure to date each entry too. Whatever you can, in case you die." happy

MARVIN: "JUST GO!!!!" angry ~points gun at RYO~

RYO: "Fine. You don't have to be so touchy about it." not_talking

The group leaves and Marvin, though bleeding and weak, manages the strength to get up and lock the door behind them, so that no more teams can come in and harass him. The group walks towards the doors on the other side, where they finally meet up with the other team.

RYO: "hey!"


JOE: "HEY!!!"

Thorin holds up a sign with a bale of hay on it.

Everybody hugs each other and starts to run in a circle, holding hands, dancing around, happy that they are finally reunited. Flip starts skipping around.

TIM: ~sings~ "Re-united...and it feeeeeeels sooooo goooooooooood!"

ROB: ~standing like Vince Lombardi~ "What the hell is goin on around here?!"

AMBER: "You can't really dance to this type of music."

JOE: "We can dance if we want to. We can leave our friends behind. Cuz friends don't dance and if they don't dance well they' friends of mine." not_talking pics/Psychosafetydance.jpg

SARA: "What's with that statue?"

RYO: "Hmmmm, let's investigate."

They walk over to the Old Fountain and see a statue in it, of a woman holding a jug.

PHYLLIS: "There is a saying on the bottom, 'To obtain the Key to open your heart, I'll wait for the Unicorn, the beautiful beast.' I wonder what that means?" confused

MARK: "Unicorn?"

RYO: "Yes. That's what it says."

MARK: "Well, I don't want to sound gay or anything, but unicorns kick ass."

JOE: "That doesn't make you sound gay, Mark. Unicorns are cool."

MARK: "Cool. Glad you feel that way, Joe." happy

RYO: "Let's all rest a few minutes here."

The groups rest and they plan what each group is going to do next. As Joe and RYO are talking, Luke comes nervously walking over towards them, looking over his shoulder, towards the other group.

LUKE: "Uh...I think I'm going to go with you guys."

RYO: "What's wrong, Luke?"

LUKE: "It's that Thorin fellow. He keeps showing me a picture of a video game character forcing anal sex on another character. Then he just gives me a disturbing grin and nods his head."

RYO: "Yea....that sounds like Thorin alright."

JOE: "Well, time to split up again. We need to go take care of a fire. We'll meet you guys back here. Amber, watch over them and make sure they don't get into trouble."


After Phyllis explains that they unlocked the locked doors with the Keycard, Joe gathers RYO, Phyllis, Tim, Spike, Thorin, Rob, Luke and Mark, and they all head back towards the east part of the RPD, this time using the 1st floor. A few zombies are shot and more are coming towards them down the hall. Figuring they'll get them later, they quickly head into the office. Plenty of soggy shoe sounds are heard, as zombie cops walk towards them. They make their way to the right and shoot the zombies on the other side of the long table. Phyllis sees one, lying face down on the floor and smirks.

PHYLLIS: "Still think I'll fall for that crap? I don't think so. FAKER!!!!" ~Ka-Blam!!!!~

The zombie groans and dies, as the others kill the rest of the zombies. Rob finds the Valve, sitting on a shelf. They see a safe in the small room, but decide to ignore the room for now and go into the hall in the back. The door to the left is locked, noting that they need a HEART shaped key to open it. There is a dead zombie cop, lying on his back, to the right, by another door. Phyllis gets suspicious and shoots the zombie... but it does not move. She stabs it, kicks it, jumps on it...but it still doesn't move.

JOE: "Phyl.... they have to be facing down to be a faker."

PHYLLIS: "Well, just checking. You can't be too sure."

After collecting the handgun bullets from him, they go outside and walk on some gravel, as they come to a staircase going up, on their left. Some Green Herbs are collected along the way, as they cautiously head up the stairs. Crow noises and zombie groans are heard in the distance. They go inside and are back at the hallway with the crow pecked cop. Making their way back around, they go through the door and are back at the water tower. RYO inserts the Valve and turns it squeakily. The pressure builds and it ruptures the side of the tower, dousing the flames with water. Then everything goes back to normal.

TIM: "Hey look...I found some more Handgun bullets in the helicopter wreck. Amazing that I can handle them without burning my skin, considering they were just surrounded by flames!"

SPIKE: "I'm surprised they didn't go off."

THORIN: "Tis a miracle." angel

RYO: "Ok, since we're not going to be coming back this way, let's check out the whole area, and collect anything useful, like herbs and such."

JOE: "Yea, good idea. I think we should go back downstairs and check too, just to be sure."

PHYLLIS: "I'll wait for you guys up here. Don't take too long!"

Phyllis checks around the roof area and the guys make their way down the stairs. As they're looking around the bottom area, collecting a few herbs, they hear a low groan. They get startled and reach for their weapons, but see it's merely a lone female zombie. She looks like she only recently changed, still looking vibrant. The strap on the left side of her top was torn away and the strap on the right, was held by a mere thread. She slowly walks around the area, close to where they first entered it earlier, from the street. That must be how she got in.

THORIN: "Don't worry guys. I got this."

Thorin aims carefully, through the scope on his gun, and is about to fire. The girl, now noticing them, groans and arches her arms up in front of her, reaching out towards the men. The strain of the movement, causes the thread to snap, and gravity pulls her top down, revealing her full breasts. Rob's eyes pop out of his head, extending towards the nipples and a car horn sounds as his jaw hits the ground, with a loud clang. Joe opens his mouth and his tongue dangles half way to the floor.

MEN: ~simultaneously~ "Teh BOOBS!!!!" shock

JOE: "Holy Crap! Look at those Melons!" drooling

TIM: "Bounce them titties, baby!" dancing

THORIN: "Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You." praying

RYO: "I'm taking a picture. ~click~ make a record of it... for my files." liarliar

MARK: "Shake ya Money makers!" money_eyes N BOOBS/Boobshaker.gif

ROB: "Ohhhhhh Momma." ~whistles~ pig

LUKE: "I am SO glad I decided to come with you guys." applause

THORIN: "I'm about to cum right now!" wink

SPIKE: "Good thing the Missus ain't here or I'd be walloped! Thanks for the Mammaries, Ma'am!" cow

MARK: "Looking GOOOOOOD!" mischief

The zombie groans as she walks slowly towards them, each step, making her chest bounce. The men completely ignore any danger, mesmerized by The Boobs.

ZOMBIEGIRL: "Ohhhhhh."

MEN: "Boooooooobies." hypnotized

ZOMBIEGIRL: "Oooooooo"

MEN: "Boooooooooooobies." hypnotized


MEN: "Booooooooooooooooobies." hypnotized

The girl gets closer and closer. No weapons are raised, as the men stare at the Boobs as they sway left and right, creating a trance like effect, completely hypnotizing them. Joe starts moving his hips, humping the air. As the girl opens her mouth and leans closer, all the men open their arms to embrace her, making kissy faces, wanting to be closer to the Boobs. Suddenly, a shotgun blast puts an end to this, as the zombie girl gets blasted and falls to the ground.

ZOMBIEGIRL: "Uhhhhhhh"

The guys gasp and turn behind them, to the left, towards where the shot came from.

PHYLLIS: "You guys are PATHETIC! This is why you kept me waiting?!?" frustrated

ROB: "No more Boobs?" sad

THORIN: "Phyllis killed teh fun! She shot the boobs!" cry

PHYLLIS: "Put it back in your pants and get the hell upstairs, before I shoot THAT off, too!"

The men sadly, but quickly, run up the stairs and get back to the adventure. Everything seems ok as they go back inside, but suddenly find themselves frozen in place.

ROB: "What the...I can't move!"

RYO: "Relax everyone. This is supposed to happen. Prepare yourselves! It's coming!"

PHYLLIS: "What's coming?"

THORIN: "Not me, I already finished." mischief

The camera switches to outside, as an Umbrella Helicopter flies overhead.

SOLDIER 1: "I saw a group of people down there. We need to drop another one."

SOLDIER 2: "But we already dropped Mr. X down there. And we dropped Mr U,V,W, Y and Z over towards the sewage plant. I don't think we have any left."

SOLDIER 1: "Mr X is handling those other 2. We DO have some left. 1 in fact, for emergencies."

SOLDIER 2: "You mean.....?"

SOLDIER 1: "Yes. He'll take care of this problem. He's a special one."

SOLDIER 2: "Isn't that the one Roy was working on?"

SOLDIER 1: "Yes. The 'A-Team' fanatic. He even managed to get it to retain certain fragments of speech! We're not supposed to use it, since Umbrella didn't like the attitude it had.... apparently it insulted them. But hey, this is an emergency so.... we have no choice. Drop the T."

As the helicopter, flies over the RPD, a large canister, marked 'T', is dropped towards the building. The casing splits and a large humanoid figure, crashes through the roof. As the Camera pans up, we see the usual Alphabet Tyrant figure, standing motionless, as it becomes aware of its surroundings and mission. Although they are usually silent, have long dark overcoats, and smooth heads, this one has a blue dungaree jacket and a ridge in the middle of its head. It starts to clasp its large fists and a crackling sound is heard, as 1 word is spoken..... "PAIN."

The cutscene ends and everyone can move again. The Tyrant crashing through the roof, has caused a large beam to block the exit door. There'll be no more going through there anymore. As they start to walk towards the corner of the hallway, they can hear heavy footprints... and jingling. They look up and see the large Tyrant, walking towards them. A mohawk adorns his head and several large gold chains cover his neck and chest. He has an angry scowl on his face. pics/TheT.jpg

RYO: "Look out,guys.... it's Mr. X!"

MR.T: "I ain't X, Fool! T is the name..... Pain is the game!"

The Tyrant grunts and throws a left jab, knocking half the group down. But they quickly get back up. They all start unloading ammo into the Tyrant, then backing up down the hall. Joe unloads the machinegun and after a while, T stands in place and weaves around, before dropping to his knees and falling face first into the ground.

RYO: "Let's get out of here."

TIM: "Wait...he's got some handgun bullets."

RYO: "Well, grab 'em and let's go! I don't wanna be here when he gets up, and trust me...he will get up."

The group high tails it back towards the main hall of the RPD, not waiting around to see if RYO was right. Being that this is a Horror story, it's pretty safe to say he is...and it will. But for now, they're ok and make it back without any further problems."
~music continues....~



Ok, sorry for the long delay. Here we go. UPDATE TIME!

dancing applause pics/ExcitedforBE.jpg

Read on loyal readers....and see what fate lies ahead for one of the crew members. You read it in the character list, now we'll find out.

------------FILE D-----------

'The MARK of a madman.'

After Joe's team left, to check the East side of the building, the other team,comprised of Josh, Steven, Kenneth, Flip and Sara and Amber, went West, through the open double doors. It opened into a room with a couch,with papers on them, a magazine rack, a statue, a divider, a chest and a small desk. After looking around, they read a file, a cop had written, mentioning the events that happened before they got there. A safe combination is mentioned as well. Amber takes that as Flip fiddles with the locked desk.

FLIP: "Unhh! It won't open."

SARA: "That's because it's locked, genius."

JOSH: "Maybe there's a key for it."

STEVEN: "Well, of course there's a key for it, you dolt. Why would they lock something in a desk with no key?"

JOSH: "I'm just stating...."

STEVEN: "Stating the obvious...yeah."

JOSH: "Yeah.....obvious that you're a moron!"

Steven slaps Josh's arm, as Josh messes up Steven's hair, grabbing his head, before they are both separated. Kenneth yells at them to behave and tries to act in a commanding manner.

KENNETH: "Quit it, you two. We need to investigate the building. Find any supplies or survivors. Now let's start acting like a civilized team! We don't have anything to open the desk so, leave it alone."

AMBER: "We'll have to come back for it later."

KENNETH: "Doesn't matter. Let's move. I don't want the other team finding all the good stuff before us."

AMBER: "You know how much Joe loves ammo."

KENNETH: "I know... we better hurry before that idiot leaves us with nothing but our dicks in our hands."

SARA: "Hey!"

KENNETH: "Oh, except you Sara. I know you don't have one." happy

AMBER: "Uh,excuse me, neither do I."

KENNETH: "Oh please,Amber, you have the biggest one of the group."

FLIP: "I'll put mine in Sara's hand if she needs one." wink

SARA: "Why thank you, Flip. Sure, I could use's the perfect size to pick that lock."

Everybody laughs as they head around the divider, towards the door, to exit the room. Amber turns quickly towards the window, as she notices something that crawled over it.

STEVEN: "Oh, she got you good, chap."

FLIP: "It's not that funny."

JOSH: "Sure it is! See, it was funny, because she meant that you have a small penis."

FLIP: "I KNOW what she meant, dips***."

AMBER: "What the f*** is that?!"

JOSH: "You don't know what a penis is, Amber?" confused

STEVEN: "She knows you, doesn't she?" raised_brow

A brief tussle starts before they need to be separated again.

AMBER: "Shut up! There was something there, just now."

SARA: "Where?"

AMBER: "Right outside the window."

Everybody looks, but doesn't see anything.

KENNETH: "Ok Amber. Nice imagination you have there."

AMBER: "It wasn't my imagination! I'm telling you I saw something."

KENNETH: "Yea yea, I know. You're seeing things. Move along Amber."

AMBER: "But I...."

KENNETH: "Move along...move along." ~pushes Amber with his hands on her back~


After Kenneth pushes Amber out the door and into the loading screen, the group ends up in a hallway. It's eerily quiet. The camera is viewing the group at an odd angle, from outside the window.

AMBER: "What the...LOOK! The camera is outside! What kind of freaky s*** is that?! Something bad is going to happen, when it shows an angle like that. I know these things."

Kenneth turns to look, but now the camera has switched to a more normal angle, unable to go back to the previous view.

KENNETH: "Imaginary floating cameras now....this is getting better and better. Maybe you needed more time in the Institution."

AMBER: "F*** you, I'm telling you it was out there!"

JOSH: "Sounds like you're a bit out there." silly

FLIP: "I'm sure everything is fine."

SARA: "I don't know....I got a bad feeling about this..."

As they walk in further, Sara notices the shutters are up and the cords have been sliced, cutting off the power to close them. Amber jots WIRES down on a pad marked: 'THINGS TO LOOK FOR.' A body of a Policeman is close by. Josh and Steven hurry forward and check out the situation.

STEVEN: "Sir...can you hear us?"

JOSH: "Man down! Officer needs assistance!"

STEVEN: "Are you ok, sir?"

SARA: "I don't think he's ok.....just a hunch."

STEVEN: "Stand back, Sara. Josh and I are trained for this type of situation."

JOSH: "That's right! Let's do it, buddy!"

STEVEN: "Performing CPR....still no response."

JOSH: "I don't feel a pulse."

AMBER: "That's because his head has been separated from his body, you idiots!!! He's dead!"

JOSH: "I'll have you know that we both took the class, back in England, and passed with flying colors!"

A quick flashback, takes us back to the moment Josh was referring to:

CPR Instructor: "You're doing it wrong. You both fail." pics/JoshandStevenCPR.jpg

Kenneth quickly crouches and takes the handgun bullets off the body, before anyone else can get them. There's a locked door, to the side, with a Spade marking on it. As they walk forward, and notice a pool of blood, they become frozen in place again. They hear a slow click clacking and they look up and see a horrifying creature coming towards them. They gasp when the creature opens its mouth and snarls, as a long tongue dangles down. It quickly flips over and lands face down, on the floor, breathing eerily.

KENNETH: "What the F*** is that?!"

AMBER: "That's what I saw before! Oh, but I'm just seeing things, right?"

FLIP: "Oh boy."

Everybody starts shooting and the 'Licker' gets pissed. It leaps towards the noise and lands in the middle of the group, as everybody tries to scatter. Flip, Steven and Sara are on the left side of the hall, while Josh and Amber are on the right side. Meanwhile, Kenneth froze up and now the Licker is right beside him.

STEVEN: "Hang on chap. I'll help you out of this mess."

JOSH: "Josh to the rescue!"

Steven and Josh shoot their handguns, just as the Licker leaps again. Kenneth gets shot in the left foot by Steven and in the right ass cheek by Josh.

KENNETH: "AAAAAH! You motherf****** shot me!!!"

Sara and Amber take over, pumping bullets into the creature, each taking turns shooting it, while the other distracts it. Before long, it ends up on its back....dead.

AMBER: "Never let a man do a woman's job."

KENNETH: "Fine... we won't cook or clean any of the rooms. Now help me,damnit!"

Amber walks over and steps on Kenneth's foot.


AMBER: ~mockingly~ "Oh...was that your foot? I didn't see it there. I thought it was in your mouth."

KENNETH: "Ok, sorry...just please get me some damn herbs!" cry

SARA: "There's one in the corner here. Perhaps we should use that one."

KENNETH: "You think?!"

AMBER: "Just hurry up and take it. We still have stuff to look for. RYO said the medallion is on this side."


The other half of Psycho Squad stands in the Main Hall, discussing where to go next. Thorin is still sniffling over the loss of Boobs, RYO and Joe are trying to put the image of those fine globules, out of their minds and concentrate, everyone else is still shaken up, unaware that 95% of their group could've been wiped out, mere moments ago.

MARK: "Damn shame. Losing fine ass boobs like that."

PHYLLIS: "Would you stop with the boobs already!? She would've killed you!" plain

ROB: "No, she wouldn't have! She just wanted us to touch LOVE the boobs."

PHYLLIS: "Get over it!!" frustrated

TIM: "How will we Phyllis? How CAN we?" sad

SPIKE: "I think some of us are having a harder time than others." ~pointing to Thorin.~

Thorin walks around with a glum face. The adventure was just starting to look up, before Phyllis had to ruin the fun. He notices Luke sitting down and becomes delirious.


Throin hugs Luke's head and starts kissing it, thinking it is a large breast.

LUKE: "What the..?! What are you doing? Get off of me! You're ruining my style!"

ROB: "What style? You have no hair."

LUKE: "I work hard buffing that out to a nice finish. I don't want his hands on my head. Who knows where they've been?"

RYO: "Ok ok, settle down people. We have to plan out our next move. I think we should...."

Suddenly the front doors to the RPD come bursting in! Everyone raises their weapons and jumps into a startled defensive stance. A loud motorcycle roars into the hall and skids to the side. A girl wearing a motorcycle outfit smiles and greets the group, as if on cue.

ROB: "Sufferin Succotash!"

FLIP: "Who's sucking what?"

ELZA: "That's right! Elza Walker is here to help kick some zombie ass!" pics/Elza.jpg

Everyone just stands there confused, not knowing what to say. Joe and RYO look at each other and mumble a few words to each other, as Joe shrugs his shoulders. RYO walks over to her with a pity face on.

RYO: "Uh, I'm afraid there's been a mistake, Elza. You're not supposed to be here."

ELZA: "What do you mean? I signed up. They told me I was going to be in the 2nd adventure!"

RYO: "I'm afraid there was a change near the last minute. Didn't you get the memo?"

ELZA: "No! I...I don't understand. I didn't see any memo. Why can't I be here?"

RYO: "I'm afraid you were replaced. They decided to go in another direction."

ELZA: "So you mean.... Leon and I were let go?" sad

RYO: "Oh no,Leon's here. He's still part of this adventure. Mikami just said you had to go."

ELZA: "What?!? That's BS! They lied to me! angry I should run Mikami's ass over with this bike!"

RYO: "I'm afraid you're going to have to leave now."

ELZA: "But, I've been practicing. I'm all prepared. I even brought grenades!"

JOE: "Awesome! Aw come on RYO, she can stay, can't she?"

RYO: "No. Only 2 Main Characters allowed. Leon and Claire."

ELZA: "Claire Redfield? Oh, that figures. Chris' little sister getting privileges just because her brother is some STARS hotshot! That's not fair!" cry

RYO: "I'm sorry Elza, I really am."

JOE: "But dude...she has GRENADES."

RYO: "No Joe, she has to go."

JOE: "Can't we at least keep the grenades?"

RYO: "They were removed from the final version. We're not allowed to. They go too."

Joe curses Mikami some more as Elza cries and turns her bike towards the door. Tim walks out after her, helping her and patting her back.

TIM: "There, there Elza; It's going to be ok. I'll be right back,guys."

RYO: "Hopefully the other group will get back soon. We need the Spade key."

MARK: "That's racist."

RYO: "I'm talking about a suit of cards, you ass!" frustrated

Suddenly, the door on the 2nd floor opens and the other half of Psycho squad steps in. They shoot at a few of the Zombies up there and eliminate them. Kenneth helps out with the new Shotgun he found. As they walk halfway around, they see an Emergency Ladder and activate it. Everybody becomes frozen in place, as the ladder slowly lowers to the ground. They all then climb down one at a time and meet up with Joe's group.

Everybody starts talking to each other at once, Amber's group going on about the Licker, Joe's group rambling about Mr T, so that only few words are understandable, between the overlapping. Amidst the chaotic cacophony of words,'Penis' and 'Boobs' are heard in Thorin's voice. Sara also mentions the Lock combination and Shutter situation.

AMBER: "This is ridiculous! We checked everywhere and this stupid Unicorn Medal is nowhere to be found!"

MARK: "Unicorns kick ass!"

RYO: "Uh...Amber?"

AMBER: "What?!"

RYO: "It's right there." ~points up to the wall to the right of where they came in~ "Clear as day." nerd

AMBER: "Well, how the hell am I supposed to know to check there?!?"

RYO: "Well, go up there and get it. We need it."

FLIP: "No one should go alone, there are still Zombies up there."

SPIKE: "I don't see or hear anything."

RYO: "You won't be able to from down here. They won't appear unless we're on the same level. Ok, a few of you go with her then. Josh and Steven..."

RYO turns and sees Josh on top of Steven, hitting him over the head with a green herb as Steven tries to punch him in the stomach.

RYO: ~Sighs~ rolling_eyes "Any other volunteers to go with Amber? How bout you, Sara?"

SARA: "Oh sure...send Sara. You're trying to make me disappear, aren't you? I see right through your scheme. You won't get rid of me that easy! I'm staying right here." not_talking

MARK: "I'll go!" grin

RYO: "Fine, take Flip too, get it and come back here afterwards. We need it to progress further."

After heading up the ladder, Mark and Flip turn and shoot at a Zombie to their right. They all head to their left, until they reach the wall, where the Unicorn Medal is situated.

AMBER: "There it is."

MARK: "Um, I'LL take it! I mean...this way you guys can have free slots open. I'll gladly hold it for you"

AMBER: "Go ahead, take it."

FLIP: "Just hurry up." ~ka-pow ka-pow~ "Zombies keep walking around towards us."

Mark slowly takes the gold medal off the wall. He stares deeply at the Unicorn head on the face of it. His eyes turn sinister, his face twists into a menacing scowl.

MARK: "The Unicorn Medal.... It's so shiny love ... and so pretty batting ....and so Preciousssssssssssssss!!!!" hypnotized

The team goes back to the Main Hall, reuniting with the rest of the group. The teams decide what to do next and how to proceed. RYO asks for the medal, to use on the statue.

RYO: "Ok, give me the medal, so I can use it to get the key."

FLIP: "Did you see me? How awesome I was? I'm badass!"

RYO: "Yea, you're a regular GI Joe. Now hand over the medal."

FLIP: "Mark has it."

MARK: "So niccccce."

RYO: "Mark...give it here. I have to put it in the statue."

MARK: "What?!?! You'll not take this from me!! It's mine! I found it and I'M going to keep it! Put it in the statue? Give away the precious? You must think me mad!!!"

PHYLLIS: "Just give him the F****** medal, damnit!!! I want to go shoot something already!" angry

MARK: "Never...foul mouthed elf!"

Mark clutches it against his chest and starts to run around the room, as others give chase. Steven and Josh leap and grab Rob, thinking he's Mark and start to pummel him.

ROB: "Hey! What're you doing? What's the big idea?!"

RYO: "I don't believe this s***!!! This part wasn't supposed to be difficult at all!"

JOE: "Get back here, you!"

As Mark is cut off and Joe dives on him, everyone else holds him down as the Unicorn Medal is pried from his gripping fingers.

MARK: "AAAHHH! Don't hurt us!! Cruel humans...they take the Precious away! Leave us alone!!!!"

The heavy breathing group walks to the statue, inserts the medal and watches as the statue of the lady rumbles and moves forward, dropping a key from the vase. Mark whimpers for his medal, scraping his fingers on the indentation, trying to pry the medal loose with no success.

RYO: "Ok, now that we have the Spade Key, here's the deal. We saw a safe, so I'll take the combination you found. Now... we just have to decide who is going where and who will carry the key first."

AMBER: "Well, we came across a locked door with that symbol on it, so we should take the key."

PHYLLIS: "But we're heading back to where the safe is and it looks like there's more doors with that symbol in our area."

FLIP: "I say we climb back up and check out the 2nd floor again."

KENNETH: "Hey...I have an idea...."

JOE: "Why don't we just all go together as 1 group?"

RYO: "Well, we can cover more ground in less time by splitting up."

KENNETH: "Just let 1 group use the key to open 1 side, then give it to the other group to unlock the other side."

SPIKE: "Hey RYO, since there's only 1 key, we're going to have to take turns. Let me take it with their group first, then I'll bring it back to you and you can use it on the East side."

RYO: "That's a good idea Spike. Let's do that."

KENNETH: "That's what I said!!! Why isn't anyone listening to me?!"

On the other side of the hall.....

ROB: "Hey, aren't we supposed to be looking for help and then go back and help Marvin?"
STEVEN: "You mean that Martian fellow?"

JOSH: "He's here?! Then they really DO exist!" worried

ROB: "No, dimwits...the cop! We left him bleeding and dying. We were supposed to go back for him."

THORIN: "Aliens do exist....look..... boobies."

Thorin shows them another one of his magazines-'Sex-Files' (The Truth is In and Out and In and Out there). It shows Scully being ravaged by a tentacle machine, while Mulder is being ridden by a 4 breasted white alien.

STEVEN: "Ooooo, that's awesome."

ROB: "4 boobs are better than 2."

SPIKE: "I heard the word Boobies. I can look. The missus said it's ok."

KENNETH: "Can I see?"

JOSH: "That's one ET I wouldn't mind Phoning home to."

STEVEN: "More like ET bone home!"

JOSH: "LOL, well said partner."

THORIN: "Look, Assistant Director Skinflint. LOL"

JOE: ~running over~ "Lemme see that! Look at THAT! Damn she's pretty flexible!"

All of the guys tilt their heads to the side as they look at a wide picture. They keep tilting and turn the magazine around slowly.

RYO: "What on Earth are you guys looking at? We have work to do! This is no time to be.....Whoa!"

THORIN: "That's what I said."

RYO: "Well, no girl on Earth could do that, that's for sure! That alien female is really Out of the World!"

ROB: "I'm so aroused right now.... that didn't even bother me."

Phyllis, seeing the guys crowding up, knows they're up to no good, so she comes storming over.

PHYLLIS: "What are you testosterone filled fools looking at now?!"

THORIN: "No! Phyllis is going to take the fun away again!" sad

PHYLLIS: "Give me THAT! ~grabs the magazine~ We need to find a way to survive and you idiots are looking at...."

Phyllis glances at it and seems distracted by the material contained within.

PHYLLIS: "Well...uh....I've certainly never seen that side of Mulder before." thinking

KENNETH: "I want to see!"

JOE: "Looks like Mulder's doing some probing of his own."

PHYLLIS: "Mmm-hmmm. I wouldn't mind giving that machine Scully is in, a run for its money too." love

KENNETH: "What machine? Where? Come on, this is BS! Show me!"

AMBER: "We do have to get out of here, you know. This place is filled with monsters in case you've forgotten."

Everybody grumbles but reluctantly breaks up the crowd. Thorin tucks the mag away into his Files section of his inventory. As the group checks their weapons and prepares to leave, Tim comes walking back in, singing a song.

TIM: "Get UP! Get on up! Stay on the scene, get on up, like a LOVE machine, get on up. Ow! Hit me now!" ~does a spin~ dancing

LUKE: "Where's Elza? Is she all right?"

TIM: "Oh she's fine. I gave her a good shag. Lucky girl" mischief

LUKE: "What?! Are you insane? How could you take advantage of someone in that state?"

TIM: "She didn't seem to object."

LUKE: "The girl was upset and crying."

TIM: "Well, she wasn't upset after I got through with her. The only thing she was crying, is; 'Don't stop!'."

LUKE: "How did she all of a sudden want to 'shag'? You took advantage of her!"

TIM: "I didn't. I gave her something to help calm her down. I call them, the 'Sexual Healing' pills." grin

LUKE: "Aren't they called 'date rape' drugs?"

TIM: "Tomato, Tomahto."

LUKE: "I just can't believe you used sex as a solution to her problem."

TIM: "Are you serious? I'm the Hardcore Machine of Love, baby. How could I not? I'm grade A prime rib. I could tell the poor girl was starving. I had to give her a taste."

LUKE: "I think I'm going to be sick."

RYO: "Ok, Some of you will take the West side, we're going to head back East and see what else we can find. Let's see if we can locate some of the items we need. Let's get ready to move out."

RYO, Joe, Phyllis, Kenneth, Luke, Rob, Thorin and Josh head to the East,while the rest check out the west. In the corner, a whimpering Mark mourns his loss. He begins to stare angrily at the others. He will get back the Precious...if it's the last thing he'll ever do!



Ok, the next chapter is here. It was going to be longer, but the next part wasn't fully ready and I wanted to get this out today. Hope you enjoy it anyway. peace

----------FILE E----------

'Spoilers and Soilers'

As we check with Joe and the rest of Psycho Squad in the East side, we see them back in the office they were in previously. Amber returns with Tim, after opening the doors on the other side. RYO, Phyllis and Kenneth check out the safe. Amber and Tim stand around watching while Rob and Josh check around the desk. Joe and Luke investigate the long table. Thorin, is sitting at a chair by the table, reading one of the magazines he took earlier. Kenneth uses the combination RYO reads to him and opens the safe.

KENNETH: "Well, there appears to be some Shotgun Shells..."

PHYLLIS: "MINE!" ~snatches it~

KENNETH: "Damnit! You know I have a Shotgun now too. I could've used that. There's also a map, which is ...."

RYO: "MINE!" ~grabs it~

KENNETH: "What the hell,man?! Take it easy! This here looks like Flame Rounds..."


KENNETH: "WTF? You don't even have the Grenade Launcher! This sucked! Nothing for me." frustrated

RYO: "Here, there are some ink can take those."

KENNETH: "That's not funny."

RYO: "So Amber....what did you come across?"

AMBER: "Not much. We found a Crank,a Red Jewel and a few item chests. 1 of them is in a film developing room. There was a closet but we couldn't open it. You need a Special Key."

PHYLLIS: "I have that." grin

RYO: "Where's everyone else?"

AMBER: "They're chilling out in a meeting room we found. Mark is still in the hall, mumbling to himself."

ROB: "Hey Josh...check it out..." ~bends his head down behind the desk and comes up with handgun bullets~

JOSH: "Cool."

ROB: "Oooo, more stuff!" ~bends down again and comes up with a green herb~

JOSH: "Splendid!"

ROB: "And yet again!" ~bends to take another herb~

JOE: ~peeking in~ "Hey, cut it out. You're reminding me of a girl I know, moving your head up and down, over and over like that."

ROB: "That must be a good thing." happy

JOE: "Considering her nickname was 'Bobbin Robin', I don't think so. Anyway...c'mere. I found something."

LUKE: "What is it?"

JOE: "Look, on the table....a Burger King Wrapper. That's probably what caused the zombie outbreak."

PHYLLIS: "You think something in the meat caused this?"

JOE: "Probably! I never trusted that flame broiled s***."

LUKE: "Not to mention that freak of a mascot."

Almost on cue, the dumb looking King comes in from the open doorway, staring at the group, unhappy over the comments. He points at them, demanding an apology.

JOE: "There's the stupid piece of s***, now!!!"

PHYLLIS: "Die Burger Creep!!!!"

Joe fires his machine gun knocking the king against the wall. Luke takes out the silver ballers, blowing big bloody holes in the King, clipping pieces off his crown and finally, Phyllis aims her shotgun high and fires away, exploding the king's head into messy chunks. Luke stares over the body as he reloads new clips.

PHYLLIS: "How do you like that?! HA!!! No more stalking for you, you creepy f***!!!"

LUKE: "Not so good to be the King now, is it?"

RYO: "Looks like you laid a real Whopper on him, eh Phyllis?" wink

PHYLLIS: plain

RYO: "Ahem....yes, well...This map will be very helpful. Let's keep moving everyone."

SPIKE: "BK eh? thinking Aaaaaa, brings back memories of the Regent Palace."

JOSH: "Regent Palace? That's an old folks hangout."

SPIKE: " Ah Josh...perhaps you can help me with a game. It's called the 'Physical'."

JOSH: "Oh ok, How do you play?"

SPIKE: "Well, you bend over and I physically shove my FOOT right up your arse!" raised_brow

JOSH: "I don't think I like the sound of that game." worried

LUKE: "Let's go Thorin, we....what are you reading?"

THORIN: "Big Lass.....WIDE Ass!" mischief

LUKE: "Uh, it's time to leave."

THORIN: "Check out this centerfold, it's like a map!"

Thorin opens it, but instead of just being a 3-fold page pull out, the poster opens vertically as well.

LUKE: "Now I really feel sick." sick

TIM: "Oh, that just means a whole lot of Lovin'" wink

KENNETH: "Wanna whole lotta love!" ~bursting into song with air guitar making guitar noise~

THORIN: "Shake for me, girl. I wanna be your backdoor man." mischief

LUKE: "I think I'm going to need some Pepto Bismal."


Joe and Phyllis are the first ones out of the room and the others soon follow. Zombies groan and come towards them, from their right. Phyllis cocks her shotgun, finally seeing something to kill.

JOE: "We got at least 5 of them coming towards us."

PHYLLIS: "No sweat. Might as well use this shotty, see what it can do."

Phyllis shoots the closest Zombie in the middle, blowing out it's midsection. Instead of dying however, the legs continue to walk, as the upper torso becomes separated and crawls towards her. Phyllis and Joe look shocked and they look at each other with their mouths open. shock The gasps quickly turn into disturbing smiles as they run down the hall, cackling with glee, devil taking turns shooting the shotgun, hitting all of them in the waist. The hallway quickly gets filled with 7 crawling half zombies, heading towards the group.

RYO: "No, NO!! What are you doing? Aim for the heads... the HEADS! Gah!"

Everybody has to aim down and shoot at the crawling menaces. Josh, unaware of what was going on, comes walking out of the office, right into the path of one of these half zombies. It quickly grabs his leg and takes a few bites from it. He screams and slams his foot down, crushing in the skull, killing it. Another grabs his other leg and takes a few bites before he has to slam his other foot down.

JOSH: "What the bloody hell?!"

JOE: "That was awesome!"

PHYLLIS: "I can't believe the Zombies here do that! This is so much fun!" dancing

JOE: "I know! Un-F*****-Believable! I LOVE this place!"

JOSH: "Well I'M not having fun. You made me get bites all over my legs! I need an herb,Rob."

KENNETH: "Well, who told you to walk into them? Maybe you should pay more attention."

JOSH: "Yea? Well maybe you should just shut up, you IDOIT!"

LUKE: "Idoit?"

KENNETH: "Yea, when it comes to stupidity, he do it, all right.."

JOSH: "That came out wrong. I meant Idiot."

KENNETH: "Sure you did. How the hell did you get on Stars? The standards must be lower in England."

JOSH: "Shut it, you morno!"

SPIKE: "Josh shut yer hole,it's making the rest of us Brits look bad."

KENNETH: "Can you even spell your name right? Check out his ID Joe...He has a C before his name. Should we call you CaJosh?"

JOSH: "Give me back my wallet you bloody bastard!" ~snatches it~

RYO: "All right...that's enough of that; Settle down and let's keep moving."

After Josh heals, the group walks down the hall, and to their surprise, a brunette comes from the other direction. She seems to be in a hurry but stops to speak to the group. RYO talks to her as Josh, Rob, Luke, Spike, Kenneth and Thorin exchange pleasant greetings.

CLAIRE: "I'm Claire...Claire Redfield."

KENNETH: "Hi Claire. You can just call me....Paco. That's a slick, cool name right?" happy

CLAIRE: rolling_eyes "Not really."


RYO: "Ah Claire, so good to finally see you." ~kisses her hand and wiggles his eyebrows~

CLAIRE: "Uh...right. What happened here?" ~rubs her hand uncomfortably~

RYO: "We don't know. They must have been attacked. We were coming for Leon's party and this was like this when we got here. We haven't seen him. What about you?"

CLAIRE: "He's ok, he's around here somewhere. I came here with him; He helped rescue me earlier. I came here looking for my brother, hoping to find him."

RYO: "Ah, the infamous Chris Redfield. We will keep an eye out." wink

CLAIRE: "There's also a young girl running around here. I tried to catch up with her,but she ran away."

RYO: "Don't worry. We are here to solve the case and save the day! We'll find her. Now, you be careful."

CLAIRE: "Thanks, I will. Good to see friendly faces around."

RYO says farewell and Claire waves as she starts to walk away. As she turns back around, she jumps back startled, as Amber, Phyllis and Joe are blocking her way, standing side by side, with their hands clasped together in front of each other and ear to ear grins on their faces. grin

CLAIRE: "Maybe too friendly."

PHYLLIS: "'re Claire Redfield."

CLAIRE: "Last time I checked."

PHYLLIS: "HA!!!!! laugh You're so funny, Claire!"

There is an uncomfortable silence, as all of them just stand there staring at each other. The trio, obviously extremely excited and unsure what to say next, weaves side to side nervously. Amber peers at the others, from the corner of her eyes and decides she's going to hog the spotlight, so she quickly steps forward.

AMBER: "Look Claire...I had your likeness put on my lighter!" ~shows her~ mischief pics/Clairelighter.jpg

CLAIRE: "I........see."

Phyllis, frustrated clearly annoyed that Amber was in front of her, distracting Claire from her presence, steps forward and nudges her way to Claire.

PHYLLIS: "Well I have a cool picture of you, that I keep with me, in my profile, to show everyone!" ~shows her~ PICS/MysteryClaire.jpg

CLAIRE: "Uh.....huh."

Now Joe was really annoyed. angry The girls were stealing Claire's attention away from him. He was not going to let that happen. This was his moment to shine.

JOE: "Oh yea?! Well, I like you so much, I had your name tattooed right on my...."

As Joe tucks his thumbs in the waistband of his pants and starts to push downward, he notices all 3 girls looking at him with shocked astonishment, none moreso than Claire who is seriously contemplating running back outside, towards the numerous zombies. pics/Claireshock.jpg

JOE: "Uh...leg. Yea, that's it. My leg!" whistling

CLAIRE: "Wow....would you look at the time? I really need to go." ~slowly moving down the hall~

PHYLLIS: "No,please stay,Claire! We can take more pictures! Perhaps one of both of us!"

Phyllis quickly sticks her head on Claire's shoulder, makes a weird smile and snaps an offcenter pic, blinding Claire with the close up flash.

CLAIRE: "Ahhh! Uh, Sorry.....Places to go....things to do." ~walking faster~

AMBER: "Come on Claire. What do we have to do to prove we care? Want me to carve 'Claire Rules!' on Kenneth's back, with my knife? I can do that!"

CLAIRE: "No, that's ok." ~picking up the pace~

JOE: "Stay with us,CLAIRE!"

Joe quickly hangs on to Claire's leg until she pries it loose, with a stitch of clothing still in Joe's hand.

CLAIRE: "I think I hear Leon calling me...coming Leon!" ~running at top speed~

JOE: "CLAIRE!!! Wait!.....We love you, Claire!!!" cry

PHYLLIS: "Nooooooo! Don't gooooooo!!!!!" ~reaching for Claire~


After Claire escapes, the group continues down the hallway. After venturing through another door, they find another hallway heading North. Boards are over the windows, but there are zombies in the hallway, coming towards them. 3 males and 1 female. The group spreads out and takes em on, making sure they don't shoot each other. The males are taken care of easily. Only Rob is having a problem. The female zombie has knocked him down and was now straddling him. Their hands were clasped and she kept trying to move forward towards him and he was pushing her back, creating a grinding motion on him.

PHYLLIS: "Don't just lie there on your back...SHOOT IT!"

ROB: "I.....I don't have the heart too. She's a babe."

PHYLLIS: "Help him, Tim!"

TIM: "I'm so aroused right now." drooling

PHYLLIS: ~sighs~ plain

Amber shoots it once in the back, which gets the attention of the zombie, who gets off of Rob. As it tries to get Amber, she pops it in the chest 5 more times, killing it.

AMBER: "You idiots are going to be a liability on this mission, if we keep having to save your sorry asses."

ROB: "I could've handled it."

AMBER: "Sure you could've. That's the most action you've gotten in years. You were about to burst."

RYO: "Ok ok...enough of that. Let's act professional, guys. We have a few rooms to check out here. One of them is locked and can't be opened til later, when Mr T shows up."

AMBER: "Shhh! RYO, you're giving away spoilers!" shhh

RYO: "Oh, right. Sorry... I forgot about you underprivileged people that don't have a Timeline. Anyway, right now, we're going to the Interrogation Room. Now, pay attention! We take the Cord and the Eagle Stone and THAT'S IT! DON'T touch anything else! "

As they go in, it's quiet. Mirrored glass covers the south wall. A table and some chairs are by the North wall, while a cabinet is along the Southwest corner.RYO motions them to carefully go into the room and ease out quietly. They all walk slowly towards the items, noticing a first aid spray on the table. Thorin picks up the stone while Phyllis gets the Cord. As Thorin lifts the stone from the shelf, he gets a splinter and flinches as he sucks on his finger. Seeing both items have been acquired, RYO nods approvingly and motions everyone to now leave. Thorin, unhappy about his finger, eyes the spray again.

THORIN: ~thinking to himself~"What can it hurt to use the spray? So they don't look all cool and professional with a fancy grade at the end....big deal. I'm injured...and in need of medical assistance!"

RYO: "Thorin, NO!!!!"

THORIN: ~picking it up~ "I have a boo boo."

Suddenly the glass shatters and everyone jumps, as a Licker comes jumping in, scaring everyone half to death. Screams echo in the room, as bullets fly and people scatter to get out of the room. Everyone keeps bumping into Joe, who is shooting the machinegun up into the ceiling. The Licker is roaring, running and jumping around, annoyed over all the noise. Phyllis unloads the shotgun, freaking out, and screams still fill the hallway, after it's dead and they leave the room. After loading out, everyone is panting hard and sweating,leaning on the wall and against the door, making sure it is closed.

LUKE: "That thing scared the piss out of me!"

KENNETH: "Me too....literally." worried

Everyone looks around at each other and notices all the soiled pants.

JOE: "Well, that's just great. How are we supposed to look professional now, looking like this?!"

ROB: "We need new clothes."

SPIKE: "No s***, Sherlock."

RYO: "Wait a minute. Amber, didn't you say you found a special closet?"

AMBER: "Yes, what about it?"

RYO: "And found a Special Key, correct?"

PHYLLIS: "Yea, so?"

RYO: "Come, follow me. We need to go there, right now. A change in attire is required. I cannot lead in this uncleansed state."

Venturing back the way they came, they get to the hallway by the office when they hear a loud boom. Everyone looks at each other for a moment, as the walls vibrate. They quickly load through the door, heading back to the main hall. When they get there, the room is a mess. The statue has been shattered into pieces. An empty Rocket Launcher is nearby and Mark sits happily holding the Unicorn Medal once more.

MARK: "It's back! The precious has returned. The unicorn must never leave us again."

RYO: "Mark, what the f***?"

SPIKE: "Oh, that's great. He stole my launcher from the chest and used my last damn rocket!!!"

LUKE: "Well, what's done is done. No use worrying about it now."

SPIKE: "F*** that! I was saving that for a boss battle! So that I could step in and be the hero! Get showered with praise... and Guinness! Now that's ruined and all because of this little s***!" frustrated

RYO: "~sighs~ Let's go everyone. These clothes are starting to get rank on me."

JOE: "You too, Mark. Get over here and let's go!"

The group heads to the West side of the RPD, following Amber to the Safe Room with the secret closet.

MARK: "Stupid humans peeses their pantsies. We musn't go near them, precious."

SPIKE: "Shut up!"

As they get to the Darkroom, RYO takes the key from Phyllis and quickly uses it on the closet, to the right of where they entered. There are outfits hanging in there, for the cast to choose from. Phyllis seems disappointed, rummaging through the clothes, looking at the bottom of the closet.

PHYLLIS: "That's it? That's all that's in here,clothes?! No X-Files tapes?"

RYO: "No Phyllis. Just clothes. But not ordinary clothes, these are 'Special Outfits'.

PHYLLIS: "Well....isn't that special."

They all find spots to quickly change. Joe's wearing a dark Biker outfit, complete with shades and a T-shirt that says: 'Just F***** DIE already!!!' Amber is wearing black pants and a shirt that says: 'Angel>you'. Phyllis find jeans and a t-shirt that says: pics/psychobunny.jpg
Tim finds a skater boy outfit. Luke manages to get another replica suit and tie. RYO has changed into a Highlander outfit. Josh has somehow managed to find a Chelsea shirt. Kenneth is wearing a Dark Side of the Moon shirt and dark jeans. Mark has a 'Unicorns kick ASS!' shirt on, which depicts a Unicorn kicking a guy in the ass, with its back legs. Thorin is wearing a cat shirt and Rob has a dark green outfit on, to match his Godzilla head. The only one really complaining about their outfit, is Spike, who is grumbling and cursing and grabbing at his crotch and sides.

RYO: "What's wrong,Spike?"

SPIKE: "Gah! It's this bloody outfit! One size fits all? BS! These shorts are riding high and the undies are gripping my royal jewels something fierce!"

RYO: "Eh, that's because you grabbed the wrong outfit. That one belongs to Claire."

SPIKE: "Ohhhh, TeeHee! My mistake." grin

SARA: ~walking in~ "Say, what are you guys...? Hey! New Outfits! Cool, I want one!"

RYO: "NO! They're only for emergencies. We had accidents, that's why we need them."

SARA: "No fair! Well, if peeing your pants is what it takes to get one, fine...." ~makes a face and squats~

RYO: "WAIT!!! There's no need for that! Bad enough it smells like a Fenway Park restroom in here. We don't need anymore adding to it."

SARA: "Then give me one." not_talking

RYO: ~sighs~ "Fine Sara, take one. Don't tell the others though! There aren't enough."

SARA: "Oooo, a cowgirl outfit! I'm going to look 'super' in this!" cowboy

THORIN: "Speaking of restrooms, where the hell are the ones in here? I'm going to need to use one soon."

RYO: "Ok, let's split up and check around this side of the Police Station. I'll check upstairs. Kenneth, Steven and Josh, you come with me. Joe, assemble a team and check out the rest of this area. The rest go back to the meeting room. We'll...uh 'meet' you there later. ha ha."

JOE: "Ok, Phyllis,Amber,Spike,Tim and Luke come with me."

LUKE: "Er, look offense but, I think I'll go with RYO's team."

JOE: "What? Why?!"

LUKE: "Well, you're a bit of a maniac and use excessive amounts of ammo for every little thing. It's a bit unsettling. Besides, he is the most normal one of the group, after all."

JOE: "HA! Who the heck told you that?!"

LUKE: "Well.....uh, RYO did actually, back in Hel Mart."

JOE: "Is that so? raised_brow Oh RYO...?"

RYO: "Yea Joe, what is it?"

JOE: "Well, Luke here is a big fan of yours. He just told me he'd LOVE to go with you and be the next contestant on 'The Price or your Life!'

RYO: "Realllllly?" thinking ~takes out his long blade with a loud 'SCHING!'~ "Well, come on DOWN!!!" grin

LUKE: "WTF?! Uh, well, perhaps another time. You see Joe here asked me if I could assist him with his team. I'm afraid I cannot refuse."

RYO: "Oh. Pity. Well, you be sure and let me know when you're ready to play." ~sheathes the sword~

Luke tugs on his collar a bit as Joe laughs and shakes his head, heading into the next area, with Luke close behind.



Is it true? Do your eyes deceive you?!

An Update!!!

Wait no longer.It is finally here. And I don't wanna hear any bitchin. This is long enough. Damn thing was glitchin on me tongue pics/RayneHot.jpg

----------FILE F----------

'Little Women and The Door to Nowhere'

RYO and his group go up the stairs and head down the hall,passing by a door that won't open. They reach a male statue in the middle of the room, with his right arm raised. There are busts of 2 other statues on either side of it, facing the walls. RYO looks at everything, quite puzzled, as the jewel he expected to find, is missing from the statue's hand.

JOSH: "There's that door again. I wonder how we'll be able to open it?"

STEVEN: "It's probably a trick."

RYO: "There's no trick. That door is useless. It never opens. Steven...Amber said you guys found a Red Jewel, correct?"

STEVEN: "Why, yes we did,RYO. I have it right here. Why do you ask?"

RYO: "Because the statues haven't been moved. How the hell did you get the jewel?" confused

JOSH: "Oh, that's a funny story. Well...we got into a bit of a discussion. I thought, since his arm was raised, maybe we should try giving his underarm a tickle....then he might loosen his grip on it." thinking

STEVEN: "I know what you're thinking RYO...ridiculous. I thought the same thing." not_talking

JOSH: "Who are you scoffing at? You went looking for a stepladder to push over and climb and get it."

STEVEN: "Well, these sorts of adventures usually call for those things."

RYO: "Get to the point." plain

JOSH: "Well, then Amber tells us,"I don't know how you both function with your heads up your arses."

STEVEN: "That's not what she said."

JOSH: "Is too!"

STEVEN: "No it isn't! 'Arse' is our word. Amber's a yank. Why would she use the word 'Arse?' She said our heads are up our 'asses'. Pay attention next time."

JOSH: "I don't recall that. I think she said 'Arses.' "

STEVEN: "Well thinking is a tedious task for you."

RYO: "HOW...did you get the jewel?" frustrated

STEVEN: "I still say there should've been a stepladder nearby. That would've worked."

JOSH: "Someone needs a stepladder to climb up and put a brain in that melon of yours,you call a head!"

STEVEN: "At least I didn't display a sick tickle fetish on a solid manly figure."

JOSH: "How bout I tickle your arse with my gun? Tearing you a new one. That'd be a real laugh!"


JOSH: "Whoa! Easy there, sunshine."

STEVEN: "I'll say! Who pissed in your cereal this morning?"

RYO: "If I have to ask one more time..." ~pulls out his blade~

JOSH: ~nervously~ "Uhhh, well....after Amber insulted me, I was upset. I went over to that wall, stomping my feet the whole way and leaned against it. It made a noise and the floor sunk down."

STEVEN: "And I was annoyed because there was no ladder, so I went and leaned over on that wall and kicked the floor really hard. Then the floor plate went down and poof! The jewel magically just dropped out."

JOSH: "We're good."

STEVEN: "Yes we are, Josh. They're lucky to have us."

RYO: "No you're not good. You did it wrong. That's not how it's supposed to happen."

STEVEN: "How what's supposed to happen? We got the jewel, that's all that matters."

RYO: "NO! It isn't! Now go move those statues to their proper places, and this time, it's going to be done the right way!"

JOSH: "What are you on? I'm not pissin about here again, wasting time on what's done already."


RYO takes the jewel and wedges it back into the male statue's hand, as Josh and Steven sigh and each take a statue and push it to the appropriate spot. A noise is heard, the statue's hand opens and the Red Jewel is released.

RYO: "Great work...we found a Red Jewel." ~jots in his file book~

JOSH: "You need help."

Let's switch over to see what the others have been up to, waiting in the meeting room. Sara, Thorin, Rob, Mark, and Flip,have been waiting patiently for the others to return. Sara stepped out earlier, to see when they would be returning. She came back wearing a cowgirl outfit, not that any of them noticed, and said the only news she has, was that the groups were continuing to investigate and for them to stay put. Everyone sits around bored,except for Mark who is playing with his medal. Sara sits backwards on a chair and sighs as she kicks a leg slowly and lazily, waiting for something to happen.

SARA: ~yawns~ "I'm bored." tired

THORIN: "That's because waiting around is boring."

ROB: "Tell us something we don't know."

FLIP: "What's taking them so long?"

SARA: "Who knows? They said they were going to check out a few more rooms."

ROB: "Well, knowing my compadres, they should handle that, no problem."

SARA: "I want to do something. Let's do something."

ROB: "Now wait a minute,RYO said to wait in here."

SARA: "So? RYO Schmyo. talk_hand He didn't say what we had to do...while we wait."

Rob's and Thorin's brows raise a bit, hearing Sara say this.

ROB: "Like what?"

SARA: "I have an idea. idea Let's do something exciting and stimulating!"

Now Rob and Thorin look at each other all wide eyed and perk up in their chairs. Flip comes flying over from the other side of the room. Clearly all attention was now on Sara and her.....idea.

FLIP: "Did you say stimulating?"

SARA: "Sure! Our minds work better when we're stimulated? Don't you agree?"

THORIN: "F*** yea!"

ROB: "Absolutely!"

FLIP: "Couldn't agree more!"

SARA: "Well then.....let's do it."

ROB: "Yea?"

SARA: "Yeaaaaaah."

THORIN: "I'm ready for action!"

ROB: "What for? She was clearly talking to me."

FLIP: "In your dreams, Rob. She means me!"

THORIN: "Sorry to burst your bubbles, but she was clearly looking at me when she said it."

SARA: "Now, fighting."

FLIP: "But wait...which one of us do you pick to have your fun with?"

SARA: "There's no need to discriminate....all of you can join in!"

Rob falls out of his chair with a loud crash.

ROB: "ALL of us?!" shock

SARA: "Sure. I'll be right back." happy

MARK: "Oh, we're going to have fun, my precious. Pretty pretty medal. Nice horsie medal."

ROB: "Oh boy, this is gonna be a real humdinger! HooHoo!!!" dancing

THORIN: "You want the top? Ok, I'll be the stranger who sneaks in the back door." grin

MARK: "But we must be careful precious. Unicorn has a pointy horn. Verrry dangeroussss. We must be careful when we pets it. Wouldn't wants it to hurt us. Verrrry sharp."

FLIP: "Well, I'm making sure I go before this weirdo." plain

MARK: "But it's ok if the horn should hit others, precious. Yessssss... Unicorn will hits him for us. Crush him and grind him and turn Marksie's enemies to mush!" devil

After all 3 guys move away from Mark,they start drooling and groaning with anticipation. They line up next to each other, rubbing their hands laughing giddily. Thorin removes his clothes and waits with a smile. Sara returns with a VHS tape and puts it in a VCR.

THORIN: "What's that? A Porno? Cool."

SARA: ~laughs~ "Thorin, It's 'Little Women,' a really good story."

ROB: "Jailbait flick? Ooooo, Sara you naughty girl." drooling

FLIP: "We shouldn't watch stuff like that shame_on_you ..... Ah screw it, stick it in!!!" dancing

THORIN: "I'll stick it in." mischief

SARA: "No, it's....where are your clothes? Are you really that hot? Doesn't feel hot to me. Anyway,this was something I picked up at that Hel-Mart place. I think you're going to enjoy this. One of my favorites."

After a while later, we see the guys with their heads leaning on their hand, visibly annoyed and disappointed. This is clearly not what they expected. The movie plays on, much to Sara's excitement.

SARA: ~clapping~ "Isn't this great,guys? Haha. We're doing something we're not supposed to do." devil

ROB: "Oh're a real wild girl,Sara." rolling_eyes

THORIN: "Where the ho's at?!"

FLIP: "I can't contain my excitement." /sarcasm

SARA: "I know, me neither! I love this story. Just watch, it gets better." happy

MARK: "They wants us to watch stupid girlies walking and talking. It should haves a Unicorn come in and gash winona. Then we would likes it!"


Meanwhile, downstairs Joe and his group went through an Evidence room and then ended up back in the room they found Marvin in. As they go back in however, they notice he isn't in the same spot where they left him. There was a blood trail that led into the office. As they go in, they hear him groan, and his skin discolors. The spooky music starts and he gets up, walking towards them with his arms out in front of him.

LUKE: "Uh, Marvin....are you all right?"

PHYLLIS: "Of course he is. Marvin's a trooper, right?"

Phyllis slaps Marvin hard in the back, causing him to topple over to the ground and groan.

AMBER: "He looks really tired. Why is that eerie music playing? It's only Marvin."

LUKE: "Perhaps it means we're in danger."

JOE: "Nah. Maybe he just fainted, cuz he was happy to see us. Probably thought we forgot about him. You're fine dude, relax. We're here to help."

Marvin groans and gets up, putting his arms outwards.

SPIKE: "He looks like he's feeling blue."

PHYLLIS: "Heyyyy, maybe that's because HE ate all the f****** cake!!! He was hiding it all this time! Did you eat the cake you sonuva..."

Phyllis smacks Marvin hard across the face ,which cause him to groan louder and fall to the ground,getting up seconds later.

TIM: "Ah, he just needs a hug. There there, Marvin. ~hugs him~ We appreciate you,mate. You're doing a great job."

Marvin squirms and tries to get to Tim's neck.

TIM: "Now hold on! I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I don't swing that way. I'm like Secret deodorant...strong enough for a man...but made for a woman."

MARVIN: "Uhhhhhhh!"

TIM: "I know you're disappointed. Who wouldn't want this fine piece of English ass? But I'm afraid you'll just have to look elsewhere. I'm strictly for the ladies."


PHYLLIS: "Look out Tim...I think he turned into a Zombie!"

TIM: "That's impossible. No one stupidly changes that fast. This goes against the general process."

PHYLLIS: "Argue semantics later. Right now you might wanna duck."

The eerie music continues to play, as the group unload half their ammo into poor Marvin. His arms and legs get blown off and Phyllis shotguns his head into pulp.

LUKE: "Holy crap! Do you people ever do ANYthing in a normal manner?"

SPIKE: "Ah well,Rest in Peace Marvin.Well...make that pieces."

PHYLLIS: "Hey!Bad enough we get that from RYO,don't you start!"

Joe suddenly twitches a bit, smacking his lips and moving his tongue around.

PHYLLIS: "What's that about? Are you ok?"

JOE: "Yea, I'm fine. Just a weird feeling came over me, all of a sudden. Let's check around the room and see what we can use."

AMBER: "Hmm, that's odd...It says on the blackboard there's a 'Michael Festival' coming up."

CHOSEN: ~out of nowhere~ "Why...that's the best kind of Festival there is!"

JOE: "Ahhh!!"

AMBER: "Yea...what Joe said. Aren't you supposed to be like....dead?"

CHOSEN: "Oh I wouldn't necessarily say that...there's been rumors on the IGN RE Board that I'm still alive."

PHYLLIS: "That damn finalhope kid and his rumor threads."

JOE: "We must get going. We really have to continue on with the adventure."

AMBER: "Yea, but I'm glad you're still around, Michael."

Amber hugs Chosen goodbye but yells as she breaks the hug.

AMBER: "Ow! My hair!"

CHOSEN: "Oh, I'm sorry! It must have gotten caught in my watchband."

AMBER: "Oh...ok. Be more careful next time. Well, see ya." ~rubbing her head~

CHOSEN: ~mumbling to himself as he rubs the hairs on his face~ "Oh you WILL be seeing me soon, Amber. Sooner than you think..."

The scene changes to show Chosen's basement dimly lit by candlelight. Pictures of Amber cover the walls and various items of hers litter the room. Chosen places the lock of hair in a small box atop of a table. He steps back and raises his hands under an archway which reads: 'The Shrine of Amber.'

CHOSEN: "Soon you will be mine....Forever."

As we return from that demented scene, the group gathers some herbs, ammo and unlocks the door leading back to the main hall. Amber and Phyllis agree that they should go upstairs to see how the other group is doing. As they head back and go up the stairs, RYO is seen screaming at Steven and Josh, as Kenneth stands around, listening to his music player, doing nothing.

JOSH: "I still say we need to get through this door. It's locked for a reason."

RYO: "Yes...and the reason is, IT'S NOT F****** IMPORTANT!!!"

STEVEN: "Then why put the door there in the first place?"

RYO grabs his face and runs his hand forcibly over it,stretching his mouth open with a loud exclaiming sigh, trying to keep from totally losing it.

RYO: "Listen you two....I'm the man here. Just listen to me and we'll make it through this adventure smooth and fast, and get rewarded with some goodies at the end."

JOSH: "The man,eh? Says who?"

RYO: "Says the people that gave me this position."

STEVEN: "Well, I don't see why you have to be the "man." I think one of us can do the job as well."

RYO: "You two?! Yea right. I've got the 'TIMELINE,' Bitch! Either of you ever create something that exquisite? You're lucky you can tell time, never mind come up with a complex chronological order of dates!"

AMBER: "Uh...everything ok here?"

RYO: "Peachy. What'd you guys do?"

PHYLLIS: "Main hall door's unlocked. Marvin's dead. Got a few green herbs."

RYO: "Bummer. Well, we found a Red Jewel."

AMBER: "But we already..."

STEVEN: "Shhh!."

JOSH: "Nix-ay on telling RYO the truth-ay."

STEVEN: "You're a Dum-ay."

JOSH: "That's pig latin!"

STEVEN: "That's a pig's arse! You can mess up ANY language!"

JOSH: "Ah shove it, you retrad!"

KENNETH: "Got to love the irony."

JOE: "Have you guys been here arguing all this time?"

RYO: "Next time....YOU take these imbeciles."

AMBER: "Come on...the STARS office is this way."


As the gang enters the Stars office, who should be standing there but Leon, reading a book. They all seem happy to finally see him, glad he's still alive.

AMBER: "Hey!"

JOE: "Where the f*** you been?!"

PHYLLIS: "And what the hell happened to the cake?!"

RYO: "Will you stop it with the cake? It's gone,Phyllis! Let it go."

LEON: "Good to see your still among the living. The party got canceled obviously. But it's nice to meet you all. I'm rookie officer... Leon S Kennedy."

PHYLLIS: "Who does that?"

LEON: "What?"

AMBER: "Says their name with their middle initial like that.That's idiotic."

LEON: "Well,it just makes me sound professional and more important."

JOSH: "It makes you sound like a bloody fool!"

RYO: "Nevermind that.It's good to see you,Leon. We just need to do a quick search and we'll be on our way."

The door opens and Claire enters.

CLAIRE: "Leeeeeeeeeeon!"

LEON: "Good to see your still among the living."

KENNETH: "Get a new line already."

LEON: "It looks like we’re not going to find your brother here after all." ~hands Claire 'Chris' Diary.'~

August 8th

I talked to the chief today once again, but he refused to listen to me. What an asshole! I know for certain that Umbrella conducted T-virus research in that mansion. Anyone infected turns into a zombie. But the entire mansion went up in the explosion; along with any incriminating evidence. Since Umbrella employs so many people in town, no one is willing to talk about the incident. It looks like I'm running out of options.

August 17th

We've been receiving a lot of local reports about the strange creatures appearing at random throughout the city. This must be the work of Umbrella. Either that or the StarTrek convention's in town.

August 18th

Thorin has been running nude through the streets again. We've received numerous complaints from neighbors that he's been streaking through their yards. I still can't fathom why they cloned this guy.

August 24th

With the help of Jill and Barry, I finally obtained information vital to this case. Umbrella has begun research on the new G-virus, a variation of the original T-virus. Haven't they done enough damage already? I've thought it over, and I have decided to fly to the main Umbrella HQ in Europe. Unfortunately...Barry found out and now he's tagging along. He's a real pain in the ass. I won't tell my sister about this trip because doing so will put her in danger. Plus I'm sparing her from Barry's bs. Please forgive me Claire. Though you should thank me.

STEVEN: ~laughs~ "Your brother wrote a diary? What a ponce."

CLAIRE: "Shut up! I can't believe he's in Europe! I come all this way, go through all this and for nothing!"

LEON: "He said he had to leave, he had no choice."

CLAIRE: "That's a bunch of crap! And what are you doing reading my brother's book for anyway?"

LEON: "Well, I...."

CLAIRE: "Hands off, you nosy bastard!"

SPIKE: "Maybe he was hoping he'd be mentioned in there."

LUKE: "Sounds like someone's got a crush."

LEON: "I do not! I'm not gay."

KENNETH: "Says the gay cop."

LEON: "You people are driving me crazy. Look...there’s no reason for us to stay any longer than we have to. Let’s split up look for any survivors and GET out of here. The sooner the better."

CLAIRE: "Right."

LEON: "One last thing, here’s a few radios. Take it. That way we can keep in touch if anything happens."

TIM: "Oh I'll bet you want to touch. Get a good feel of my Barnacle Bills, eh? Not gonna happen."

LEON: ~sighs~ "I'm leaving now."

Claire runs out first, to avoid anymore uncomfortable confrontations with the Psychos. Leon follows soon after. A search of the room and the STARS team members' desks reveal First Aid sprays, a Grenade Launcher. Amber helps herself to the Launcher, loading them with the Flame Rounds she found earlier. Kenneth runs by Barry's desk and grabs the gun there before anyone else can get it.

KENNETH: "A new gun....awesome!"

RYO: "Yea...too bad that's just a Replica."

KENNETH: "What? S***....damn you,Barry!" frustrated

They look around and find Chris' sharpshooter award and a picture of the STARS teams on the wall.

PHYLLIS: "Hey! How come there isn't a picture of US on the wall?"

AMBER: "Yea! We're too good to be set aside."

JOE: "We F***** awesome!"

TIM: "Right on, bro!"

PHYLLIS: "Well, I'm going to fix that. I have a camera. I'll set it to automatic and then we'll all take our own picture! Gather round everyone."

LUKE: "Well, technically I'm not a member of the team, so I suppose I'll sit out."

JOE: "Nonsense. You've been a good help to us. You're an honorary member. Get in the shot."

LUKE: "Thanks." happy

Everybody gets into a bunch, for the group pic. Everything starts out fine, but then there's pushing and shoving, from those wanting to be in the front row for the pic. Phyllis sets the camera and runs back.

PHYLLIS: "Ok, get ready everyone, the timer is counting down."

STEVEN: "You're on my foot, get off, you stupid oaf!"

JOSH: "Well move those damn feet to the other side, sasquatch!"

LUKE: "Wait a minute...some of the squad members are downstairs."

KENNETH: "Who cares. The important members are here. Good enough."

As the camera snaps, the picture taken shows Joe kissing his machinegun. A smiling Phyllis leaning on him, posed with her shotgun on her hip. A not smiling Amber , holding her grenade launcher. A sinister smiling Tim, motioning his hands grabbing at Amber's breasts. Luke looking serious, with his silver baller 45's crisscrossed in front of his chest. RYO flexing his arms and showcasing his sword stance. Spike making a hearty laugh, because he just farted. Kenneth making a painful wincing face, because he's standing next to Spike. And Steven and Josh with open mouth gasps, as they strangle each other, with tightly fitted hands around each other's throat.

PHYLLIS: "Huh,the film is finished already? I could've sworn I had a lot more exposures to go. Well, I'll just take this down to the dark room we saw earlier and develop it."

RYO: "Before we go any further, I think it's best we head back and meet up with the rest of the group."


The group heads out of the room and back towards the stairs. They all go down the small set of stairs with no problem,but just as they are about to head down the big flight of stairs, Amber trips Kenneth, who makes a shocked face and freezes as everything fades to black, into the loading screen. Like always, everyone sees a flight of stairs, slowly moving down one step at a time,except this time they also see Kenneth's body tumbling down the steps. Phyllis laughs during the walk down.

LUKE: "I don't think I'll ever get used to those. I go through stairs without any screens in my adventures. By the way, why were you laughing, Phyllis?"

PHYLLIS: "Oh,just Kenneth. He reminds me of a Slinky."

LUKE: "How's that?"

PHYLLIS: "Not really good for anything...but you can't help but laugh seeing one tumble down the stairs." pics/Kenneththeslinky.gif

KENNETH: "What the hell did you do that for?!"

AMBER: "You were there." ~shrugs~

The group makes it back to the Meeting room without incident. Once they get inside however, leaves them confused as to what the hell was going on. The men were bawling. Thorin and Rob were hugging each other, Mark sat in the corner,cradling his medal and Flip was clenching his fists,crying his eyes out and shouting.

RYO: "What the hell now?"

JOE: "What happened? What's wrong with you guys?"

SARA: "They're moved by the touching story of the movie we watched."

FLIP: "Why? WHY?! Why Beth? Why anybody?!?!"

LUKE: "This is not very professional."

MARK: "Stupid scarlet fever. We hates it!"

THORIN: "Poor Jo, how tough it must have been for her."

ROB: "I know. ~sniff~ and the rest of the will they cope?"

PHYLLIS: "Alright already, turn off the waterworks!"

AMBER: "Bunch of wimps."

TIM: "How are we going to snap them out of it? We've got a job to do!"

SPIKE: "Well, they can start by getting rid of their manginas and stop tucking their manhood between their legs. You're men! Start acting like it!"

RYO: "Ok look...let's chill out here a bit. We'll go over our items, look at the map and check over this area for items of use. We still have a long way to go and we'll need everyone to be sharp!"

ROB: "Joe? ~wiping his eyes~ Don't ever leave us alone with her again!" ~blows his nose with a loud honk~

FLIP: "She's like the Lifetime Channel personified!"

The groups checked around the rooms. There were many chairs and papers around. A blackboard, a podium and an archway into another room, in the back. While checking a corner, Amber notices something.

AMBER: "It says, 'Looks like there was a recent accident here'."

THORIN: "Oh yea....that. Sorry guys, that was me. I had to pee really bad so...."

AMBER: "UGH! Thorin, you're gross!"

THORIN: "What? There's no bathrooms in this damn place!"

RYO: "That's not the kind of accident that line was meant for."

JOE: "Hey RYO, check it out. There's a fireplace back here."

RYO and the others follows Joe and go in the back to a small room. There are suits of armor in the room, a fireplace and above the fireplace there is a painting of a man being tortured and suffering.

RYO: "Oh, I know this trick. Amber, use your lighter to start a fire."

Amber takes out her lighter and lights the paper and kindle in the fireplace. Soon a large fire starts and everyone freezes, as they watch the front of the painting burn away, to reveal a 2nd Red Jewel.

AMBER: "Another gem. Nice job, boss."

LUKE: "Sneaky little bastards, aren't they?"

RYO: "There's always a lighter trick. Alright everybody, let's get ready to move out."

JOE: "Yea, if we hurry, we can catch up to that hottie, Claire." love

Joe leaves the room with RYO, as Steven sits down in a chair, talking to Josh, Thorin, Tim, Rob, Spike, Luke and Flip.

STEVEN: ~scoffs~ "Well, I certainly don't see what the big deal about 'Claire' is. She's not hot. Seems like more of a goofy tomboy to me. Why, I'll say she's downright useless to this mediocre adventure."

THORIN: "Ohhhhhhhh."

ROB: "Oh boy." ~covers his face and looks away~

JOSH: ~motioning his hand across his throat~ "Nix-ay Steven!"

SPIKE: "Ah, that was a bad move, mate."

STEVEN: ~chuckling a bit~ "What? What are you guys getting all flustered about?"

The camera pans back a bit, to show the cause of the fluster. Behind Steven's chair and unbeknownst to him, Joe had come back into the room, to retrieve the Red Jewel. His fists were clenched and his face displays an angry scowl. The camera then switches to the other room, to where RYO and the rest are.

AMBER: "Where are we going now?"

RYO: "Well, we have a few areas to go to now. Aquiring some keys and some other items. We need to bring both gems upstairs. We'll leave as soon as Joe brings the other gem."

KENNETH: "What's taking him so long?"

RYO: "I don't know. It is taking too long. Let me see what..."

Suddenly there is a scream and loud clamoring going on, coming from the back room. RYO looks at Kenneth and then towards the noise in the back, quickly moving towards the source of disturbance. As he enters the room, he sees Joe standing behind Steven, clamping his head with fireplace tongs. He is steadily pushing him towards the fire in the fireplace, as Steven frantically flails his arms about, trying to get free. Rob and Luke plead with Joe to let Steven go. pics/RoastedSteven.jpg

JOE: "Goofy? Useless?! How dare you insult Claire Redfield?!"

STEVEN: "Hellllllllp!"

Unfortunately, Steven gets very little help from any of the members around him. Spike is laughing, Thorin has taken a marshmellow and put it on a stick. Josh is holding utensils and salivating.

LUKE: "Joe! Snap out of it! You don't want to do this, he's your teammate!"

JOE: "Anyone want some Roasted Steven?"

JOSH: "I'm starving!" ~holds utensils tightly~

FLIP: "Roasted Steven. mmmmm" ~puts on a bib~

TIM: "Sucks to be you, dude. Save me a slice."

ROB: "He didn't mean it. I'm sure he's sorry."

JOE: "Apologize."

STEVEN: "Ok, ok!!! Sorry, sorry!!! Claire is great! This adventure is a blast! Please let me go!" worried

RYO: "Joe....stop it! Let him go, he's one of us. Besides we have to leave now."

JOE: "But he insulted Claire."

RYO: "Why that sonuva...."

RYO takes out his sword and goes to chop Steven, as the others quickly leap in and hold RYO back, trying to calm him down and make him put the blade away.

LUKE: "Oh and YOU'RE the normal one,huh?! I need to get back to my normal life of assassination."

The commotion and bickering continues, as more danger awaits our heroes... and waits... and waits....


Create a Free Website